On my show this week we talked about this article, "4 Reasons You Should Never Spy on Your Kids" and I disagree on so many levels. Here we go!
1. We reveal (and reinforce) our fears by spying.
First of all, this article makes it sound like we should be telling our kids that we are spying on them. I will be monitoring my kids' lives and they may or may not know it. I don't think it will make them feel insecure or weak. I think it will help them realize that their parents care about them, are watching them, and they better behave and make good choices or we will know about it. I do think that the majority of spying is to make us as parents feel better about our kids' safety and what is going on in their lives. Yes, raising a child in this world is freakin terrifying, and if "spying" on them is going to ease my fears a little bit then you better believe I'll be doing it.
2. We’re creating problems, not preventing them.
I do agree that I probably don't need to know every aspect of their lives and frankly I probably won't want to read every stupid text message that gets sent out and try to interpret every random emoji that goes across the cyber world. But asking me when my child is entitled to a private life? Um...when they move out of my house and are on their own. I don't think any kid is "entitled" to anything as a teenager. Coming from someone who kept a lot of secrets from my parents- it would have been better for both of us if they had known a little bit more. Don't try to tell me it's my responsibility to give them their privacy. It's actually my responsibility to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe and kind and good people.
3. We owe our children privacy.
First- WHY?? Why do we owe them privacy?? Yes I agree they need to make their own mistakes and be able to make their own choices, but making mistakes is not the same as having privacy. Am I supposed to sit back as my daughter turns into a cyber bully or my son starts to sext his girlfriend? Really? No comment from the parent department? Thanks but no thanks. If my children start to do those things, then it's my job as a mother to talk to them about it and THEN they can make their choices. But them making their own decisions doesn't mean I check out as a mother and "respect their space". Of course letting your children choose the way they want to live their life is important, but as a parent it is MY JOB to monitor their actions, their friends, their school work and their choices.
4. We lose their trust.
I don't really care if my kids trust me. I'm their mother. I've spent my life raising them, teaching them and loving them. It's more important to have my children know that I love them and have them be able to count on me to ask questions and be involved in their lives than for them to trust me. I hope they trust me to always have their best interest in mind, and to keep our conversations private within the home. I hope they come to realize that "mom is always watching"- maybe then they will be a little kinder and keep their clothes on.
23.2.15
A week with no TV
This week I decided I wasn't going to watch any TV except 1 hour on Thursday for Grey's Anatomy. The past several weeks I have been watching HOURS of TV every day. What?? I usually don't do that- but thanks to Netflix and Hulu and regular scheduled programming....I've been exceeding my two hours of recommended screen time- by a lot. The biggest problem is when I get hooked on a series on Netflix and proceed to binge watch for hours and hours (thanks The Good Wife) plus all the regular shows I like to watch have current episodes filling up my Hulu Que. It's a first world problem FOR SURE. but a problem nonetheless
Monday
Pretty easy to avoid TV today because we were out and about as a family. Bart had the day off so he met me at work and we spent the afternoon in SLC. Later that evening I went to dinner with my dad and sisters. Not being home makes it really easy to not watch any TV! When I got home from dinner I had Bart turn off the TV and we sat and talked for an hour. Ca-razy I know. It was actually pretty fabulous. Bart is chatty when given the chance. I did think about the TV a LOT today. I had to consciously avoid turning it on and all of the story plots were fresh on my mind. Straight up addict people!
Tuesday
Much harder than Monday! It was a typical day for me so I was home around 12:30 with no errands to run or anything to really do outside the house. Mckenzie and I played a lot in her room and she seemed to enjoy it better with no TV on in the background. She did really well with some independent play and I watched her from the door way because....no TV. I even took a nap while she was napping. Normally I would have loved to read-but I don't have a book on standby at the moment. If I'm going to make it through the week that will have to be corrected soon.
After her nap we were kind of bored though so I turned on Pandora and she loved it! She just laid there playing with her feet and listening to the music. It was a lot of fun. She hasn't really shown interest in music in the past, but she sure liked it today! I did a few chores and we went running when Bart went home because the TV wasn't on to distract us into relaxation. Before bedtime we all hung out on the floor playing and being obsessed with our baby. I really liked that. The hard part now is when Mckenzie is sleeping and Bart and I are on our own. Bart uses the TV to relax so I feel bad asking him to turn it off because of me.
Wednesday
Not as hard as Tuesday. I got home a little later in the afternoon and Mckenzie went right down for a nap so I ended up where? In my bed...I'm sensing a trend. But a 45 minute cat nap is better than watching an hour of TV in my mind, especially when I don't have tons to do anyway. When Bart got home I went to the gym and grocery shopping so avoiding TV wasn't too hard. I have found myself using my phone more often and getting on social media more. It's so hard to find a balance with everything!! But this week I'm focusing on TV so I'm not going to stress too much about my phone use (that's an area for another day!).
It's so interesting how my mind goes a little cray cray when I spend too much time binge watching a show. I start thinking about the characters like they really exist and I wonder what's going to happen next. Once I start dreaming about those characters, I know it's time to take a break!
Thursday
I knew I was going to get the chance to watch an hour of TV (Grey's Anatomy) so it wasn't too bad of a day. Mckenzie and I are still trying to figure out things to do. It's not that we ever just sat and watched TV in the past, but just having it on in the background gives life a different feeling. We have been using music much more, and the beautiful weather makes it nice to go outside. I can tell it's getting easier and easier. My day also doesn't feel like it's going by as fast. I'm not filling random hours with pointless TV and I seem to have more time for things- WEIRD!
But once I did get to sit down and watch my hour of TV I was pretty possessive of that hour. I didn't want to talk to Bart at all. I just wanted to lay down and watch my show and completely check out. It wasn't even a good episode and it almost wasn't worth "wasting" an hour on! Plus it was really hard for me to turn the TV off and not watch Scandal that was up next. Honestly I probably could have just gone the rest of the day without watching anything.
The hardest part of every day has been the evening when Bart wants to watch TV. I go upstairs and we just don't really hang out. It's not like watching TV is really hanging out in my book, but at least we would be in the same room! We have talked a lot more this week and he has been a pretty good sport about it- but he still watches TV and I have to leave the room.
Friday
It was a piece of cake to not watch anything today because it was a pretty busy day and I left to go hang out with my cousins for a quick overnight trip. Nothing really to report because I never had the chance to sit on the couch even if I wanted to! I am pretty proud that I've made it 5 full days!
Saturday
Another easy day to avoid TV because we didn't really get home from our Saturday activities until around 7pm. Bart sat down to relax and I did some chores and folded laundry. I will say this no TV thing means I am more on top of my laundry than I ever have been in the past. What I like about this week is that TV is no longer my "go to" time filler. Just because I COULD watch TV, doesn't mean that's what I choose to do. I'm also not really craving any of the story lines and plots like I was earlier in the week. I'm totally on the downhill of detoxing! Technically my week is up on Monday so I just have to get through tomorrow! I know Sunday is going to be rough...so stand by!
Monday
Pretty easy to avoid TV today because we were out and about as a family. Bart had the day off so he met me at work and we spent the afternoon in SLC. Later that evening I went to dinner with my dad and sisters. Not being home makes it really easy to not watch any TV! When I got home from dinner I had Bart turn off the TV and we sat and talked for an hour. Ca-razy I know. It was actually pretty fabulous. Bart is chatty when given the chance. I did think about the TV a LOT today. I had to consciously avoid turning it on and all of the story plots were fresh on my mind. Straight up addict people!
Tuesday
Much harder than Monday! It was a typical day for me so I was home around 12:30 with no errands to run or anything to really do outside the house. Mckenzie and I played a lot in her room and she seemed to enjoy it better with no TV on in the background. She did really well with some independent play and I watched her from the door way because....no TV. I even took a nap while she was napping. Normally I would have loved to read-but I don't have a book on standby at the moment. If I'm going to make it through the week that will have to be corrected soon.
After her nap we were kind of bored though so I turned on Pandora and she loved it! She just laid there playing with her feet and listening to the music. It was a lot of fun. She hasn't really shown interest in music in the past, but she sure liked it today! I did a few chores and we went running when Bart went home because the TV wasn't on to distract us into relaxation. Before bedtime we all hung out on the floor playing and being obsessed with our baby. I really liked that. The hard part now is when Mckenzie is sleeping and Bart and I are on our own. Bart uses the TV to relax so I feel bad asking him to turn it off because of me.
Wednesday
Not as hard as Tuesday. I got home a little later in the afternoon and Mckenzie went right down for a nap so I ended up where? In my bed...I'm sensing a trend. But a 45 minute cat nap is better than watching an hour of TV in my mind, especially when I don't have tons to do anyway. When Bart got home I went to the gym and grocery shopping so avoiding TV wasn't too hard. I have found myself using my phone more often and getting on social media more. It's so hard to find a balance with everything!! But this week I'm focusing on TV so I'm not going to stress too much about my phone use (that's an area for another day!).
It's so interesting how my mind goes a little cray cray when I spend too much time binge watching a show. I start thinking about the characters like they really exist and I wonder what's going to happen next. Once I start dreaming about those characters, I know it's time to take a break!
Thursday
I knew I was going to get the chance to watch an hour of TV (Grey's Anatomy) so it wasn't too bad of a day. Mckenzie and I are still trying to figure out things to do. It's not that we ever just sat and watched TV in the past, but just having it on in the background gives life a different feeling. We have been using music much more, and the beautiful weather makes it nice to go outside. I can tell it's getting easier and easier. My day also doesn't feel like it's going by as fast. I'm not filling random hours with pointless TV and I seem to have more time for things- WEIRD!
But once I did get to sit down and watch my hour of TV I was pretty possessive of that hour. I didn't want to talk to Bart at all. I just wanted to lay down and watch my show and completely check out. It wasn't even a good episode and it almost wasn't worth "wasting" an hour on! Plus it was really hard for me to turn the TV off and not watch Scandal that was up next. Honestly I probably could have just gone the rest of the day without watching anything.
The hardest part of every day has been the evening when Bart wants to watch TV. I go upstairs and we just don't really hang out. It's not like watching TV is really hanging out in my book, but at least we would be in the same room! We have talked a lot more this week and he has been a pretty good sport about it- but he still watches TV and I have to leave the room.
Friday
It was a piece of cake to not watch anything today because it was a pretty busy day and I left to go hang out with my cousins for a quick overnight trip. Nothing really to report because I never had the chance to sit on the couch even if I wanted to! I am pretty proud that I've made it 5 full days!
Saturday
Another easy day to avoid TV because we didn't really get home from our Saturday activities until around 7pm. Bart sat down to relax and I did some chores and folded laundry. I will say this no TV thing means I am more on top of my laundry than I ever have been in the past. What I like about this week is that TV is no longer my "go to" time filler. Just because I COULD watch TV, doesn't mean that's what I choose to do. I'm also not really craving any of the story lines and plots like I was earlier in the week. I'm totally on the downhill of detoxing! Technically my week is up on Monday so I just have to get through tomorrow! I know Sunday is going to be rough...so stand by!
Sunday
Instead of TV my day was filled with LOTS of sleeping. We did watch a movie as a way to compromise between Bart's desires and my experiment. Last Sunday I went to bed ashamed at how much TV I watched that day, that's why this whole thing started. Tonight I went to bed without that feeling.
All in all, I'm really glad I tried this out.. It made me realize I don't HAVE to watch TV, there are other things to do and other ways I can fill my days. I exercised every day and stayed on top of my chores. The week went by pretty quickly and after those first few days, I didn't even really think of TV. Even as I'm writing this on Monday- TV isn't my go-to as soon as I get home. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person (anther post for another day) and it was a good experiment for me to do. I'm not really in the mood to watch any of my shows. After a week off, I'm kind over it! Hopefully as I add a little TV into my day I won't let it go overboard and I will be able to find that realistic balance!
All in all, I'm really glad I tried this out.. It made me realize I don't HAVE to watch TV, there are other things to do and other ways I can fill my days. I exercised every day and stayed on top of my chores. The week went by pretty quickly and after those first few days, I didn't even really think of TV. Even as I'm writing this on Monday- TV isn't my go-to as soon as I get home. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person (anther post for another day) and it was a good experiment for me to do. I'm not really in the mood to watch any of my shows. After a week off, I'm kind over it! Hopefully as I add a little TV into my day I won't let it go overboard and I will be able to find that realistic balance!
14.2.15
Valentine's Day Thru the Years
Out on my run this morning my mind went backwards to the last 10+ years of Valentine's Day spent with various people and boys and friends. Here are a few that came to mind
Baby love Valentine's Day
Elementary school. 5th grade. A boy had a crush on me and gave me frog figureines and a bag of chocolate kisses. get it?? Kisses?? Of all the candy he could have chosen.... It's like he totally wants to kiss me! (Thank you to the mother of that boy for picking out the sweet gift because let's be honest, that boy probably had no idea what was in that bag) I think I still have those frogs somewhere.
My First Real Valentine's Day
Let me set the very romantic scene for you- 8th grade. After school dance. School lockers. This boy CH took me to his locker, pulled out a chocolate rose and asked me to be his girlfriend. It was very sweet. I said yes and we HELD HANDS down the hall until our English teacher saw us. We went back to the dance and slow danced as boyfriend/girlfriend. It was all very scandalous. Later that afternoon/evening we talked on the phone and I loved every minute of it.
The Valentine's Day that Started it All
Who knew that an afternoon spent at Walmart with CG would change my whole teenage life? We were friends, he was off limits because my bestfriend liked him that last year (sound like high school? it was) but that day we decided we really didn't give a crap. I liked him, he liked me. I think we had our first kiss that day. #sorrynotsorry would have been the hashtag I used if hashtags were a thing back then. It was "forbidden" and yet we were on cloud 9. If I had known that because of this day I would lose my best friend and eventually all my friends and everything would end with a broken heart...I still don't know if I would have changed a thing.
My Permanent Valentine
2010. 5pm. Olive Garden. Bart gave me a necklace that said "eternity" (get it?? Because he wants to be with me forever???) and a house plant. We had been officially dating for 5 months and I was totally in love with him. Now that he "gets the milk for free" he hates celebrating Valentine's Day. But that's ok. I'm still totally in love with him.
*and every year, through boyfriends and heart break and marriage, my dad has taken me and my sisters out for our own Valentine's Day date. It's one of my favorite traditions*
12.2.15
S%$@ Bart Says
B- *holds out hand while driving
M- *takes hand to hold it
B- I know you think this means I want to hold your hand- but I actually just want some of those gummy bears
M- *takes hand to hold it
B- I know you think this means I want to hold your hand- but I actually just want some of those gummy bears
B- You can have residual cuddling
M- What does that mean?
B- It means I'm not going to actively touch you
B- Megan, when will you understand the fact that since you are the one with the vagina you are the one that does the dishes?
*after making him do a kettle bell workout
M- Scale of 1-10 how much do you hate me?
M- Scale of 1-10 how much do you hate me?
B- What's is 10?
M- You don't even want to look at me
B- 12.
B- You don't see cats having sex but you know it happens
B- And I wore Doc Martens because I was a college freshman and convinced I was going to get a girl
B- Don't get sugar cereal
M- What cereal do you like then?
B- I like Life...Cinnamon Toast Crunch
M- Really? But no sugar cereal?
B- Megan...its cinnamon.
B- I don't know what the female word is for douche- but that's what she is considered
10.2.15
Hi Baby: An apology
Hi baby,
I told you to shut up today. I was driving and you were on minute 30 of crying for no apparent reason (even though there is always a reason! My guess? You were tired and there was nothing I could do to help you). I said, "Mckenzie- just shut up". You didn't hear me and kept crying. I said a quick prayer asking for forgiveness and patience.
I wish I could say that's the last time I tell you to shut up. I hope it will be. It just reminded me that even though I feel like completely different person than I was just six months ago- I am still human and I'm still impatient and I still make mistakes.
You will learn soon enough that I'm not perfect but I hope you will always give me the benefit of the doubt and know that everything I do is with you in mind, even when I do things wrong. Patience is the virtue I could use the most help with. You are helping me with it, and for that, I thank you.
So I'm sorry for telling you to shut up. I promise I gave you extra kisses when I took you out of the car. Thanks for not holding it against me and giving me the sweetest smile ever.
xoxo
mom
I told you to shut up today. I was driving and you were on minute 30 of crying for no apparent reason (even though there is always a reason! My guess? You were tired and there was nothing I could do to help you). I said, "Mckenzie- just shut up". You didn't hear me and kept crying. I said a quick prayer asking for forgiveness and patience.
I wish I could say that's the last time I tell you to shut up. I hope it will be. It just reminded me that even though I feel like completely different person than I was just six months ago- I am still human and I'm still impatient and I still make mistakes.
You will learn soon enough that I'm not perfect but I hope you will always give me the benefit of the doubt and know that everything I do is with you in mind, even when I do things wrong. Patience is the virtue I could use the most help with. You are helping me with it, and for that, I thank you.
So I'm sorry for telling you to shut up. I promise I gave you extra kisses when I took you out of the car. Thanks for not holding it against me and giving me the sweetest smile ever.
xoxo
mom
3.2.15
2 Cents: "Real mom, real life"
My baby is sleeping. My husband is working a basketball game. I should be doing laundry, taking a shower and exercising. But here I am. You're welcome.
I read "No, You're not more of a "real" mom because your house is messy" and I have a few things to say.
1. If everyone shuts the eff up about mommy wars- will they go away?
2. That being said, I appreciated what this writer talked about. Yes, sometimes people's lives are just as happy, clean, crafty, creative and fashionable as they make them look on instagram and facebook. We shouldn't bring moms down because they choose to take the time to look really good every morning and put makeup on. Or choose to take the time to exercise. Or have a clean house. etc etc etc
So what's "real life" for me? What am I not exaggerating when I post things on my interweb-world?
1. I have a very happy marriage. Those pictures and funny quotes and banter via FB between Bart and I- that's 100% real. We are funny in real life. We joke and play around and love each other not just for the enjoyment of the internet. We are best friends and spend 90% of our free time with each other.
2. I take the time to clean my house. Not because I'm OCD, not because I think it makes me a better wife and mother. Not because I'm worried someone will come over and judge me. I clean my house because I like having a clean house. It takes 10 minutes and I can relax when everything is clean.
3. My house is clean, but I probably have 39485 piles of laundry. Clean and/or dirty- laundry is the bane of my existence. Tonight I folded one basket of laundry, ignored the other clean basket and separated dirty laundry into 3 new piles that I will probably not get to for a few more days.
4. I get ready every morning for work- but on the weekends I don't get ready. I don't dress my daughter up in fancy clothes that are tag-worthy on Instagram. My baby is not a baby model or "brand rep" (or whatever it's called). She wears cheesy onesies that say "100% sweet" and "mama's girl". I'm not a fashionista. My daughter isn't one either.
Do these things I just mentioned make me "more of a mother". No. They make me a person. We are all people. Why does the internet feel the need to differentiate between "people" and "moms" like we are some kind of weird extension of actual humans? I don't like the title of this story for that reason. But I do appreciate what it's trying to say.
....and now I guess I'll go take a shower because sorry not sorry but it's been several days since I have washed my hair and it's starting to be noticeable....
I read "No, You're not more of a "real" mom because your house is messy" and I have a few things to say.
1. If everyone shuts the eff up about mommy wars- will they go away?
2. That being said, I appreciated what this writer talked about. Yes, sometimes people's lives are just as happy, clean, crafty, creative and fashionable as they make them look on instagram and facebook. We shouldn't bring moms down because they choose to take the time to look really good every morning and put makeup on. Or choose to take the time to exercise. Or have a clean house. etc etc etc
So what's "real life" for me? What am I not exaggerating when I post things on my interweb-world?
1. I have a very happy marriage. Those pictures and funny quotes and banter via FB between Bart and I- that's 100% real. We are funny in real life. We joke and play around and love each other not just for the enjoyment of the internet. We are best friends and spend 90% of our free time with each other.
2. I take the time to clean my house. Not because I'm OCD, not because I think it makes me a better wife and mother. Not because I'm worried someone will come over and judge me. I clean my house because I like having a clean house. It takes 10 minutes and I can relax when everything is clean.
3. My house is clean, but I probably have 39485 piles of laundry. Clean and/or dirty- laundry is the bane of my existence. Tonight I folded one basket of laundry, ignored the other clean basket and separated dirty laundry into 3 new piles that I will probably not get to for a few more days.
4. I get ready every morning for work- but on the weekends I don't get ready. I don't dress my daughter up in fancy clothes that are tag-worthy on Instagram. My baby is not a baby model or "brand rep" (or whatever it's called). She wears cheesy onesies that say "100% sweet" and "mama's girl". I'm not a fashionista. My daughter isn't one either.
Do these things I just mentioned make me "more of a mother". No. They make me a person. We are all people. Why does the internet feel the need to differentiate between "people" and "moms" like we are some kind of weird extension of actual humans? I don't like the title of this story for that reason. But I do appreciate what it's trying to say.
....and now I guess I'll go take a shower because sorry not sorry but it's been several days since I have washed my hair and it's starting to be noticeable....
Flashback 6 months
Mckenzie is turning 6 months on Thursday (you better believe a post will be coming about that) but today I wanted to link back to the post I wrote to her when I was 6 months pregnant.
Hi Baby: 6 Months
At that time I labeled my pregnancy with one word: Peace. I would say that's how motherhood is feeling right now. Peaceful.
Hi Baby: 6 Months
At that time I labeled my pregnancy with one word: Peace. I would say that's how motherhood is feeling right now. Peaceful.
6 Months with Baby Macs
This past month Mckenzie has grown and changed so much!!! I have absolutely loved this past month and time seemed to slow down for just a second.
A few mom-noteworthy things
- two teeth!!! Wahh??? She never really got grouchy or fussy over it and all of a sudden she has her two bottom teeth. I swear they popped up over night. I mean she has been drooling and "teething" for a few months now, but since her demeanor never really changed I didn't think much of it and BAM now they are here.
- can sit up on her own. This also seemed to happen over night. She was doing it with support for a week or so and then we were visiting her cousin and she did it all on her own. Since then she has only gotten better. I still like to keep something behind her on the floor in case she falls right back- but usually she just fades over to one side after a while and gets bored with sitting. She loves laying on her back and grabbing her feet. Still can only roll over from back to tummy and then gets stuck on her tummy until she gets rescued.
- she doesn't feel the need to chat/squeal/yell all the time now, but she will still get chatty sometimes. She now will laugh and giggle even when she isn't being tickled.
- loves to "eat" solid food. Tries to grab food off our plates and is getting better everyday at eating on her own. Recent foods have included cucumbers, a pumpkin cookie and green peppers.
- still an amazing sleeper at night. Goes to bed between 6-7 and we start our day at 6am so I go in and get her. She wakes up happy and smiley. I think she is dropping her evening nap. Correction- this week she dropped her evening nap. I don't really know how I feel about it but I don't complain about her day sleeping because she sleeps through the night and does so good at it. She goes down for naps really easily and will just find her thumb and fall asleep. Go ahead and hate me now- because my baby is an angel in squishy pink skin.
- has the funniest expressions and personality. Bart and I were guessing what kind of kid she is going to be. I think she will be pretty easy going, until she gets uncomfortable- then she will get mad quickly.
My favorite things right now
- laying on her bedroom floor on Saturday/Sunday mornings playing
- bedtime snuggles
- going to her crib and have her be smiling up at me awake and READY!!
- evening playtime with giggles and wiggles
I love her so much! I can't wait for the next 6 months and to see what changes are coming our way
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