The last 12 weeks I have only showered every several days and worn makeup even less. I've eaten candy for breakfast and skipped countless lunches. I've slept and not slept and cried a lot. I've missed my husband and my job and my friends and my sense of "normal". We have gone to the library like every other day because it's inside and not our house and it kills 1-2hrs of our day. Grocery shopping became something we did more because we were bored and less because we needed actual groceries. Sometimes I even just loaded up the kids and drove around because all Mckenzie wanted to do was whine and try to kill her brother and keeping her buckled up and away from my view is only approved when you're in the car.
Mckenzie embraced 3 hour naps every day and that was my alone time with Cooper and the reason she is still alive and I still have some of my sanity. We spent our mornings waking up at 6am and waiting until 10 because nothing opens until 10 except Target. Thank goodness for Target. We watched a lot of TV. We learned that "grown ups come back" and azul is blue in Spanish and that Curious George always gets into trouble. We watched Angry Birds on repeat and got through the scary parts of Beauty and the Beast until they weren't so scary anymore. I repeat: we watched a lot of TV.
I watched my baby boy find his hands and his smile and learn how to laugh and sleep on his own. I watched my big girl learn to take deep breaths when she is frustrated and to play soft with her brother. I've learned to take deep breaths too and realize I CAN make the choice not to yell. I learned how beautiful time with a new baby can be when you aren't also dealing with post partum depression. I learned that I am a good mom EVERY DAY because I love them and am doing my best to teach them and all those nasty thoughts in my head about not being good enough aren't truth.
Am I ready to go back to work? Yes. Have I loved my 12 weeks spent in all its mommy glory? Yes.