Eat until I die

"I wanna eat n eat n eat n eat n eat until I die"

...name that movie! I will give you a hint...sing it with a Goofy accent...yes, it's Micky and the Beanstock. No clue if that's the actual name, or if it still exists...but that is the song stuck in my head because that is the song that is "story of my life" as they say.

I feel like I have been eating non stop today and I'm going to write it down to try and shame myself into submission. Ready? It's about to get real...


for breakfast- egg and turkey bacon scramble with 2 pieces of GF toast
on my way out the door (because ya know, it hadn't eaten for like FIVE WHOLE MINUTES)- protein oatmeal ball
at work- an apple, a few pieces of candy, a chicken/veggie skewer, chips & salsa, a few more pieces of candy, leftover GF baked ziti, applesauce, 2 more oatmeal balls, some gum
at home- 1 more oatmeal ball (those things are freakin addicting), a few handfuls of trail mix, (to be continued because it's only 5:40pm).

I guess you could say that maybe if I ate an actual meal I wouldn't feel the need to snack...but I'm not really hungry for a full meal...I just like to be munching on stuff today.  I actually don't feel too bad about that list up there...it could be worse. At least I didn't cheat today and eat any gluten. That crap messes me up and I'm doing my best to avoid it! Probably eating more sugar than I should and add a few veggies into the mix but all in all...not too shabby.

So I ran across this picture we took when I was 5 weeks pregnant. Awe how cute! Ya know how you look at old pictures of yourself (from high school maybe) and think "why was I so worried about my body/weight? I look awesome and I wish I could look like that again" yeah...that's how I feel about this picture!

25 weeks ago I was smokin' hot and I didn't believe it when Bart told me. Now I'm round and puffy and NOT that size. *sigh* we always want what we don't have right?

Childbirth vs. Running Downhill

I woke up this morning in severe physical pain. in fact it was the pain that woke me up, and it was the pain that kept me in bed for more than an hour. I was afraid of the pain that would come if I attempted to move my body off the comfort of my bed. Over exaggeration? well it's not like I have given birth or anything so no, not an exaggeration.

My body is NOT interested in running downhill. the side effects of said hill are making me rethink this half marathon I've committed to running (did I mention it's 13.1 miles DOWNHILL???) 13 miles? no freakin way. I only ran 7 and I couldn't walk in a straight line this morning. I was shuffling around my house like a fat old person. Bart says it will be worse tomorrow. I want to punch him in the face.

I would like to mention that running 9 miles yesterday morning was HARD. it was one of the harder things I've had to do and I'm honestly not looking forward to running 10, 11 and then 13.1 miles. For some reason it was much much easier to run 8 miles in the middle of the Grand Tetons on a beautiful morning with no one else around than it was to run down Big Cottonwood Canyon with bikers, runners and drivers taking up your space. The fact that the last few miles to our car were UPHILL  didn't help the situation either. But I did it, and I'll do it again next week and the week after that. Because I'm a runner and that's what we do.

On a side note: I drank MILK for the first time in 4 months yesterday. It's time to test out my body's reactions to it and react it did. I gained a few pounds (Bart grabbed my stomach pudge this morning and said "that must be the Milk! it wasn't there yesterday" Gee ,thanks babe.) and my stomach made weird noises all day. That might sound normal to you, but my body doesn't fluctuate in weight throughout the day and my stomach definitely does NOT makes weird noises anymore. It's not the worse reaction to have but now I know milk won't be added to the permanent list of "to-eats".
 







*p.s. if you're tired of reading about my running adventures or Hashimotos stories then feel free to stop reading my blog altogether. my ego isn't big enough to care. This is my little piece of the internet and I can write about whatever.i.want.

Some Thoughts...

Things About Today


Never try to take a "faster" way home. There is no such thing. Chances are your "faster" way will take longer than your original route.

(Some of you maybe don't want to listen to this but since it's my blog I don't care. My blog, my rules!) I actually got sweaty at the gym today. Pat on the back for making an effort. It's hard to get back in the habit of exercising when you have lost 20 pounds without it! I use to go at least 4 times a week, and now I struggle with making it 2 times. It's officially off my radar- not good! I need to get to the gym because it's good for my body, not because I want to lose a few pounds. Obviously my body is all about "you are what you eat" when it comes to weight loss. So for now I'll just admire the buff girls in front of me and create new goals. Weight loss can no longer be one of those goals or I just won't go!

 Ya know that math test I thought I bombed? I got an 80%. Go me!

I'm officially into this season of the Bachelorette (Caitlin, are you watching??). I usually don't get into the Bachelorette, just the Bachelor. I didn't know what I had been missing! This is reality TV at it's finest. (It's even better DVR'd so I can fast forward through the boring parts....bring on the man drama!)

I need my hair cut and colored...professionally. "But Megan, you are a professional!" No, no I'm not. Not when it comes to color, and not when it comes to my own hair! The only problem? My fav. hair dresser is 5 hours away and I don't want to shell out full price. Ha! I'm a cheap-o...but only because I haven't paid for any kind of salon service at full price for at least 6 years. I just need to suck it up and do it.

When the going gets tough, the tough call mom!

Isn't it great that each morning is a new day? That we can be better than we were yesterday? Thank goodness for that. Yesterday I had a day. ya know, THAT kind of day. Pulling double duty at work, trying to focus on my Math class and feeling exhausted. My day went from meh to grrrrrr in just a matter of hours.

The real downfall started around 7:30 p.m. as I'm looking for a space to park my car up at the University of Utah. I hate that place. They closed down the whole $%&#@&% parking lot I usually use. Of course the surrounding lots were full so I had to park across campus and get to class as quick as I could. Not only was I running late, I was running late on test day. Halfway through my trek to get to class they had the sidewalks closed as well. FML. I was so pissed! I thought about jumping the "do not enter. sidewalk closed" sign, thinking of all the smart-ass things I would say to any one who tried to stop me. (something along the lines of "Me and my 2K I gave you a month ago can walk wherever we damn well please). By the time I got to class the test had begun. I sat down with calculator and pencil in hand, pep talk going on in my mind. It was hard! It will be interesting to see what my grade will be. I hate not doing well in my classes, and I hate feeling not-smart when it comes to math.

So after my test I start the journey back to my car and at this point I'm super emotional. I'm fantasizing about all the candy I want to eat. Isn't that interesting? My mind goes immediately to food whenever I'm stressed (can I hear an amen??). I imagined going to the nearby convenience store and buying all the candy I wanted and just taking one bite from each thing. (I have tons of self control in my mind). Finally I call my mom because when the going gets tough, the tough call mom.

My mom has been my saving grace the past 11 weeks. She decided she was going to join me in this diet and we have been each other's cheerleaders. It's been an excellent idea! Not only have we grown closer in our relationship because we talk more often, we can relate to each other now more than ever. Last night I considered her my sponsor and I was the alcoholic about to step into a bar and have a cold one on the rocks. I sat in my car on the campus I hate crying about my life and how much I wanted some freakin' sugar. My mom said all the right things (as usual) and eventually I put the car in drive and headed home. Her final advice was just to have Bart hold me and fill that void that I needed filled with love, not sugar. (it worked).

I went to bed knowing I could start fresh in the morning. Today was a much better day. I'm still tired and a little stressed, but today I went running instead of dreaming of candy and I feel so much better.

Overfed & Starving

Hi my name is Megan Bowen and I LOVE a good documentary! Netflix comes in so handy when it comes to this little hobby of mine, and this weekend it delivered once again. On a night where sleep didn't seem to be an option I watched "Hungry for Change". O.M.G. This film will open your eyes to a whole new world when it comes to what you are eating. It's funny because the diet they talk about is actually the diet I've been living the past two months. Realizing the good I've been doing to my body gives me the motivation I need to keep going.

 Here is a quick preview. It's the only thing I could find on YouTube and it doesn't even crack the surface. If you have Netflix go watch the whole thing it's worth it, I promise!

"People are overfed but they are also starving to death."

Cheese-less

So yesterday I finally admitted that cheese is NO BUENO. I was in denial for a week because I love how it adds flavor to everything, but after a week of being exhausted I knew what I had to do....Bart comes home to me laying in bed and when he asks if everything is okay I tear up and say "I need to stop eating cheese". My 7 days of cheese eating bliss are over, but I know it will be for the best in the end.

I had a moment where I was this close to cheating and eating something sweet. The only problem is I couldn't decide what I wanted and eventually that desire just went away. Bottom line: I had a bad week and was feeling a little discouraged. But today is a new cheese-less day and great things are happening.

Slow Cooker Turkey and Black Bean Chili

I made the best chili tonight I had two big bowls and felt satisfied for the first time in a long time! 

 

I have a hard time with recipes because I usually have to leave something out, but I found this treasure and was so excited that I could have everything on the list! The chef comes on our shows regularly and she always has the best recipes, I will definitely be using this one again and again!

 

 

 

From: 365 Days of Crockpot Cooking

 

Slow Cooker Turkey and Black Bean Chili

 

1 diced onion

1 Tbsp olive oil

2 cups beef broth

1 lb ground turkey

1 (14.5 oz) petite diced tomatoes with juice

2 (14.5 oz) cans black beans, rinsed and drained

1 (14.5 oz) can refried beans

1 cup salsa (mild, medium or hot...whatever you prefer)

1 Tbsp chili powder

1 Tbsp cumin

1/4 cup lime juice

Fresh cilantro, to taste

Salt and pepper

1.  Heat the olive oil in a pan over medium high heat.  Add in the onion and cook for about 4 minutes.  Then add in the ground turkey and brown for about 5 minutes.  Add onions and turkey to slow cooker.

2.  Add in the tomatoes, black beans, refried beans, salsa, chili powder and cumin.

3.  Cover and cook on LOW for about 6 hours.

4.  Stir a bit and then add in lime juice and salt and pepper to taste.

5.  Ladle into serving bowls and top with as much (or as little) cilantro as you want!

Moderation

Bodies are a weird weird thing. They are amazing and they are confusing. You hear so many different things when it comes to nutrition and taking care of your body...

Don't eat meat. Eat locally grown meat. OK fine, meat is okay, but only sometimes. Red meat no, fish yes, chicken occasionally. Umm..meat is actually amazing and you should eat it every day.

There is no such thing as a "bad" vegetable. Well potatoes can be bad...and you shouldn't eat too many carrots. Actually carrots are good, just don't cook them. Ya, cooked veggies are bad. No, cooked veggies bring out different nutrients so you SHOULD cook your veggies.

Don't even get me started on grains. ONLY whole grains. Well multigrains are OK too...but no white flour! Well white flour can be okay sometimes, moderation! No, just cut out all grains. If cavemen didn't eat it, neither should you! Actually the Egyptians know where it's at when it comes to food...or was it islanders? Are you a hunter or gatherer? Because that matters too. 

Fruit is great in unlimited amounts...except no it's not because they have tons of sugar and acidity. Acid is good for you! No, be on team Alkaline. 3 servings is all you need, unless you want beautiful hair, skin and nails..then eat 6 servings a day! mix them in a smoothie, that looks extra healthy.

Speaking of smoothies....DONT DRINK YOUR CALORIES! unless it's a green smoothie with spinach..you can drink that. OJ yes, Apple J no. Tomato juice and soups are good, but not the best. Caffeine is bad, so is sugar and don't even get me started on aspartame! Ya know what? just drink water. only water. nothing else. 

Time to chat about sugar. it's poison in your body, you're killing yourself a slow and painful death when you eat sugar. sugar came from hell disguised as an angel from heaven. but NATURAL sugars...well of course that's okay...except it's not. all sugar is just bad. stop eating it. STOP IT! (okay fine, eat it...but only a little bit..)

See what I mean?!?! It can be exhausting and entertaining to hear all the advice. The awesome answer is "Moderation in all things" but is that even true? My body would tell you no. The 14 pounds I have lost in 6 weeks with NO exercise would tell you it's not about moderation...it's about cutting out the "crap" and eating clean. I practiced Moderation in All Things for years and never have I seen the results that I am seeing now. It's fascinating! I can't wrap my brain around it or pretend to understand what's going on under my skin where no one can see. All I know is that for 6 weeks I have been eating 100 % fresh and my body is lovin' it.

Megan's Effin' Enchiladas

I make the best enchiladas. You really can't go wrong with the combination of salsa, cream cheese and green enchilada sauce. It's heaven! Except when you can't eat any...then it might be slightly more like hell. Bart has been such a good sport the past three weeks and has hardly complained that he isn't getting fed like normal. I came home today and decided to make him dinner. GOOD TASTING dinner. So I made our favorite:  My Effin Enchiladas. (We just named them today and I think it's going to stick...) They are so good and so easy to make! It was hard to not eat a spoonful of the filling like I usually do. I may or may not have licked the fork and HELLO my stomach is mad at me for it. Apparently I'm not quite ready for cream cheese (and by not ready I mean I probably won't ever be eating that delicious ingredient from heaven ever again.) 

I was just kind of struggling today and came home to pig out. I munched on celery and almond butter as I was cooking. This would be one of those situations where you would see my portion sizes and say "Hey Megan, want some celery to go along with your almond butter?" After that snack I made some Sweet Potato Fries..which are really Yam Fries but those just don't sound right so we'll ignore the true name. I then proceeded to eat Sweet Potato Chips that my bff introduced me to. Bad idea! It was partly wonderful to feel full and a tad bit sick, but only partly.

I am going to blame it all on PMS. Isn't it great that we can do that? Feeling fat today? Blame it on PMS. Grouchy? Tired? Want to eat everything in the pantry? Aunt Flow is at fault! It's a lovely scapegoat. Men don't even like to hear the word period so they won't argue with you if that means they get to stop talking about it!

yes, this is me looking on the bright side. You're welcome.

p.s. one day I will have something to blog about besides food...but until then the fat kid in me rules!

Sick Like a Normal Person

"When people complain they want to eat like a normal person, I say fine, then you will be sick like a normal person".

I read this quote before I started my anti-inflammatory diet and it has stuck with me since then.

Walking into a grocery store is overwhelming because 90% of the food offered isn't something I can have.

Isn't that crazy?? Most of the food we eat is processed and sugar/salt/fat filled. Don't get me wrong, before I was forced to eat this way, I thought I ate healthy.... but I also had my bowl of mac and cheese and my Rocky Road ice cream every once in a while.

Eating 100% fresh food is hard. It's expensive. It's time consuming. and it's not as fun. Do I feel like superwoman with tons of energy and beautiful hair and skin? nope. My hair is dry, I'm breaking out like a 15 year old and I still have to be in bed by 9. That being said, I haven't stressed over eating too much and I haven't had to "watch what I eat" (which sounds weird because I actually have to watch everything I eat...but you know what I mean). Eating this way takes away the food guilt and the food pleasure.

I know I will see results and get feeling better soon...

It takes time and planning. I spend my evenings before bed getting my meals ready for the next day. As you know, I am not the biggest fan of cooking. Before this whole thing started I actually spent more and more time in the kitchen and started to enjoy myself...now all that progress is gone..I hate it all over again!

Needless to say this situation has drastically changed my life...I'm not asking for sympathy, I just want to share my story!

Oranges

Sometimes it's in those small silly things that I see God in my life. Ya know that song, "I Saw God Today"...that's how I'm feeling......about oranges.

Umm Megan..you're being weird and a little sac-relig. 

No I promise I'm not!

Have you ever eaten a really good orange? It's delicious! And I mean look at them, they're weird and bright colored and oh so yummy. It makes me happy, and I'm happy God decided to include them in this world. 

So eat an Orange and enjoy your day knowing someone out there is watching over you and cares enough to give us Oranges to eat :)

Oldie but goodie....last year road trip with our favorite treat

cray cray delish

I don't think having weekends off is ever going to get old! I spent 6 years working and never had weekends off regularly. These past 4 months (I've been working here 4 months already!?? Cray Cray) have been so great having every weekend off! It's definitely not an overrated idea.

caramel apple + nuts. wisconsin cauliflower soup. cauliflower all cut up. my cute hubby

so I tried out that Wisconsin Cauliflower Soup and it wasn't the most amazing stuff. I'm sure it will get better the more I try to make it. I had absolutely NO IDEA how difficult it was to cut cauliflower into one-inch pieces! That stuff goes e v e r y w h e r e. I think I maybe added too much cauliflower but like I said, it wasn't terrible..it just wasn't delish either.

Speaking of delish though...Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory was on the shows yesterday and o.m.gosh their treats are soooo good. I got a caramel apple (all cut up and ready to eat of course) plus a box of amazing chocolates. I also may or may not have had a few spoon fulls of fresh homemade caramel but come on, can you blame me??

winsconsin cauliflower soup

So for my awesome job I get to look at other bloggers and find some I want to come on the show. Cool beans right? right! except sometimes I get to comparing myself to their blog-self and it can bring a girl down sometimes. The good news? I found a recipe for Zupa's Wisconsin Cauliflower Soup! Now the fat girl inside of me is sooooo excited to try this out. Bart got in his head that we need to have soup every week which means I am always looking for new soup recipes


On that note---we still have a container full of my Chicken Noodle Soup that has NOT been eaten. what's the point of leftovers if they don't get eaten? I should probably mention that I forgot to add Chicken to said Chicken Noodle Soup...maybe that's why it's still chillin in the back of the fridge (chillin...hahahah get it? )


...back on topic! I am going to the grocery store and picking up these ingredients, I will let you know how it turns out. It doesn't look too difficult and I am becoming an expert in the kitchen (ha!) so one can only assume this will end well.

another side effect of checking out all these fun girls online is the instant realization I get that my wardrobe SUCKS. i need someone to take me shopping and dress me. please? anyone? Maybe I struggle because as a general rule I avoid all clothing stores and malls. Once and shopping addict ALWAYS a shopping addict and I have learned the best way to keep me from scratching my itch is to just not go into any of those stores. good policy I know, but clearly my wardrobe is lacking because of it.

Stupid Dog

It's a good thing this whole "time of the month" thing only comes around once a month, because I have eaten like 34899 calories this week. 

Also I hate our apartment, the guy upstairs and his stupid stupid dog.

Cheesecake Winner

I really love it when I win rock-paper-scissors so Bart gets to go get the milk we forgot to pick up on our way home and I get to sit on the couch. WINNER


also, the Raspberry White Chocolate Cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory is heaven...I was that person in a commercial who closes her eyes and savors every bite...

fat kid watching

So I'm sitting here watching the Olympics instead of going to the gym. Nothing kills your self esteem like eating chips and watching the fittest people in the world jump over things and 16 year olds swim like fish. That being said, I still fit into my pants that I pulled out of the closet last week so I'm not too concerned.

Bart and I went running on the Jordan River Parkway on Saturday and it was a really nice place to run. I may or may not have been a little paranoid running by myself but I'm happy to announce I wasn't attacked. (Go me)

Speaking of running, tomorrow is my one and only day off this week and I still have to wake up early and go running. Having a hubby train for a half-marathon = feelings of fat and laziness if I don't go run with him. ( I am sensing a theme in this blog post, how bout you?)

My first official day at ABC4 is Wednesday!!! That's right ladies and gentlemen, my big-girl job begins August 1st. I will be waking up at 4:30 AM (as in before the butt-crack of dawn)   Monday-Friday. I get off by 2:30 though so I'm thinking I will be able to adjust well. This week is going to be really long because I have to finish off my week at the salon, but I am hoping it will go by fast. And then guess what?!!?!? I get weekends off. I don't think some of you can comprehend how fabulous this is for me. Never in my young working life have I had a job that didn't consist of nights and weekends. I don't know what I am going to do with myself. Oh wait, yes I do. I am going to finally understand the greatness of Fridays and sleeping in on Saturdays.

Old Jeans

So there's this box full of old clothes I tell myself I will be able to wear again one day.

This box has been sitting in my closet for more than a year.
I pull out said box and try on a pair of jeans....they fit.
I pull out a second pair thinking there's no way these are going to fit because I haven't been able to get into this particular pair for more than 2 years.
So as I'm talking to Bart explaining these pants, I pull them up....
all the way...
and then I button them...
and now I'm wearing them.


*BIG FAT GRIN*

not born to run....yet

yes, ANOTHER post today!

So I'm reading this book, Born To Run, and it's pretty bad ass. There are a group of indigenous people in Mexico who are super runners. They just live in this community with no currency or jobs or crime or anything like that, and run. Like, for 48 hours straight. The reporter who wrote it does an incredible job telling all of the stories. As I was waiting for TWO AND A HALF HOURS for my project to render today (see previous post) I got to read a lot of it and needless to say it pumped me up. Not only was I pissed about the project, my friend Sarah sent me awesome music AND I'm reading this book? I felt pretty unstoppable....until about the 1.5 mile marker and then I was feeling pretty stoppable. 

It's crazy how easy it is to run on a treadmill but once you hit the pavement it's a whole new ball game. I know I go faster outside and there are hills and that damn head wind that always likes to join us for our runs. I wasn't feeling like an Indian runner for very long....actually I never really got to that point in the first place, but I am hoping to get to my version of it one day.

Heaven

In-N-Out Burger

Strawberry Shakes.

Need I say more?

Fat-Kid Day

So here is how my fat-kid day turned out:

6:45 a.m. Bart wakes me up by smacking my face/head with pillows

7:00 a.m. Eat Lucky Charms

7:15 a.m. Head off to the gym (go me!)

8:30 a.m. Get home, take shower, do the dishes, think I will be productive by making a list of all the things I need to do today (didn't get one thing on said list done.)

9:00 a.m. Eat a piece of cold pizza and watched some T.V.

9:15 a.m. Ate another piece of pizza

9:20 a.m. Ate another piece of pizza

10:00 a.m. Still watching T.V. and I think I ate one more piece of pizza (seriously, this pizza we made last night is dang good.)

10-12 p.m. Continued to watch T.V. while snacking on Frosted Mini Wheats

1:00 p.m. decided to get ready for work

1:30 p.m. Went to Macy's to get some Cheddar Gold Fish, a Veggi Juice, some Gummy Bears, Pineapple and Watermelon

2-7 p.m Worked and snacked on above purchased treats

7:15 p.m. Took a break and got an Ice Cream Cone at Macy's with Bart

7:15- 9 p.m. Drank water because my stomach hurt

All I wanted to do today was sit and eat, and that is exactly what I did. I feel like I am not the only one who has these days, I may just be the only one who admits it.

Tomorrow I will be drinking water and probably not eating anything because my body is slowly eating me from the inside out.

p.s. Don't judge me, and no family, I am not pregnant.