While having a newborn feels easier the second time around, having 2 kids is anything but easy. I would still consider Mckenzie my bigger struggle right now than Cooper. She's acting out and having a hard time adjusting to her new brother. She loves him, but doesn't like me very much these days. I text Bart last week after a particularly hard morning saying "I miss our old life!" Kenzie and I were best buddies and we had a routine down and a system that worked and we had mostly good days. And now...we don't. It's been hard for me to see her struggle so much and be so frustrated and I feel guilty for causing all of that for her. I can only hope that as time goes on she will adjust and get back to liking me and our life again!
Progression in life has really been on my mind this week as I think about how hard it's been to add a new member to our family. We're here on Earth to progress and become better. And we do that by going through hard things. Bart and I could have never had kids. We could have stayed comfortable, but we were ready for something more. And Kenzie has brought us so much love. Our marriage is better and stronger because we chose to have children together. It was hard, but it made our life better. And now, round 2 is teaching me that again. We were a very happy family of 3. We were a very comfortable family of 3. But we knew it was time for another change and another step forward. I know God is smiling down on me and Bart and is proud of us for not staying comfortable. For not keeping our lives in one place. For progressing and moving forward. I know after this "hard thing" I will be a better mother and a better person.
I'm so happy to have a healthy baby boy in my arms (even if it is for most of the night because he sucks at sleeping on his own 😉). I'm happy for my frustrated and beautiful daughter who brings me so much joy & not-joy in the same day. They are making me a better person every day. They make my marriage and testimony in my Savior stronger every day. They fill my heart with gratitude and love every day.
I have bags under my eyes. A disgusting kitchen floor. A toddler who is having a really hard time, and a new baby who wakes up every 2 hours. I also have an amazing husband who helps and serves me with all his love. Family, friends and neighbors who take time out of their life to help me and love on my babies & a loving Heavenly Father who hears my constant prayers and gives me the peace of mind that everything will be okay, and the energy to get through another day.
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