Hi baby: Our First Week

Hi baby 

You've been with us for 7 days now and it's been a surreal experience for me. When your sister was born I suffered from Postpartum Depression. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't mine. But I had it, and it made those first 8 weeks really hard. I'm only now realizing just how bad off I was because now I have something to compare it to. My mental health is 100% better this time and it has made a world of difference. I can sleep. I want to hold you. I'm okay with other people holding you.  I'm not consistently crying. My brain isn't going 49765 miles a minute. I'm not obsessing about your eating and sleeping habits. I'm just my typical self with a newborn. Not a crazy person. 

Even now at 3:15am I am happily snuggling you during your witching hour. 

It has still been a rough few days. Recovering from surgery means I'm in constant pain and my movement is limited. I wish I could just curl up with you in bed but I have to be carefully situated in a chair. I can't really walk around while holding you just yet, and laying down to take a nap is sometimes not worth the effort. It's getting better every day, so I know this is only a phase. 

Not to mention the challenge with your sister. I get emotional just thinking of her. She is so sweet to you, but you can tell her little world no longer feels like her own. She all of a sudden seems 3 levels louder and I can't tell if I'm not noticing her volume more now, or if she has taken it up a notch. I think it's a combination of both. 

You are what I'm assuming is a "typical" newborn that sleeps pretty much all day. Your sister never did that, so your dad and I look at each other like "oh! That's what people mean when they say newborns eat sleep and poop". You're a hungry hungry hippo which is to be expected when you weigh as much as most 1+ month olds. You get angry instead of sad when something isn't going your way. If we're taking too long to feed you, or you're getting your diaper changed- you scream pretty hard pretty quickly. You also don't like being moved when you're comfy and sleeping. You have the funniest little scowl that's on your face whenever you're awake & you look just like your daddy when you do it. You also look just like your big sister when she was a newborn and it totally trips me out sometimes. Especially at the hospital, I could have sworn I had Mckenzie in my arms again. 

Daddy took the whole week off work and it's been the biggest blessing having him home! He can watch you while I am with Mckenzie, or he takes Kenzie outside and plays while you take a nap. He is much less afraid of the newborn baby phase and loves to play with you. He's so happy there is another boy in the house and I know you 2 will become best buddies. Having him home to help this week has really meant a lot to me, and I know he's he biggest reason I am feeling so good/positive. We'll see how next week goes when life gets back to "normal". 

All in all, I would say this first week with you has been a success. Am I tired? Yes, but not completely exhausted (yet). I've cried over weird things and none of my clothes fit or work with my healing incision (yet). I don't know how to relax and parent my struggling toddler and help her see that we still love her just as much. But we will figure it out together. My beautiful family of 4. 

I love you Coop, and I'm so happy you're here, healthy and mine. 


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