As I held you tonight and gave you your bedtime bottle and sang you the song I have sung at least once ever day since you were born- I couldn't help but cry a little bit. To say I am overwhelmed at the fact that you are turning one is the understatement my life. I started crying at work the other day just talking about it and yes, everyone thought it was funny but totally understood too.
I remember the day you were born like it just happened. I remember going to work that morning and having contractions and having my crowd of interns look at me sideways like I was dying (which is what it felt like BTW). I remember going to my last doctor appointment later that day before your scheduled arrival (which was supposed to be 3 days later) and telling her I didn't feel very good and something keeps hurting and is this what contractions feel like??? Yes. And your baby is coming tonight. In 4 hours.
I remember going into the surgery room and having them pull you out of me at 6:08pm. I remember your dad snapping away with the camera and hearing you scream your little head off. I remember finally getting to hold you and see your face for the first time and yes, of course that's what you look like. We've met before. You were meant to be mine.
This year I remember so much of you. I remember every milestone, every new sound you have started to make and every new way you learn to throw a tantrum. I remember the first smile you gave me and the first time you rolled over. I remember the time your car seat flipped over as I was driving because I didn't snap it in right- you were maybe a month old and I felt like the worst mom ever. I remember the lack of sleep and the day you finally slept through the night. I remember every feeling and emotion you have brought out of me in just 365 days.
I have loved becoming your mom this past year. Step by step, mistake after mistake, we have done it together. The happiness and joy you have brought to our family this year is impossible to explain and I know you won't understand it until you have a baby of your own.
I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm not crying because I feel like I missed out on this past year. (On the contrary, I know I've been very much here and present with you everyday). I'm crying because I'm reflecting on all that love, sadness, fear, joy, happiness, peace and honor I have felt this year. And I can only imagine what the next years will bring.
So enjoy your birthday my big girl. I will keep singing your bedtime song and adore you every minute of the day. I love you.
xoxo
Mom
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