4AM and 4 Months Old

Oh hi there 4am. It's been a while, but the last 2 weeks or so you have been showing your stupid face again. Sometimes, like today, it's because my 2.5yo wakes up whining which then wakes up my 4mo and I have to rush in there to quiet all the chaos. As much as I love our house- there is a downside to having the kids share a room! When normally I would just let either kid fuss for a bit (and they quiet down after just a minute or two) I now have to quiet them myself in fear of waking up the other. #firstworldproblems and all that. 

I also want to know if anyone has dealt with this: Kenzie is now insisting on a binki like Cooper. She hasn't taken a pacifier since she was 4 months old but because baby brother has one- she needs one. So today she woke up at 4 saying she needed a binki and it "would help me a ton". Which is adorable at 4pm- not 4am. I told her no, she'll be ok. But man- the day I can get rid of Cooper's binkis all together is going to be a great day. I actually think I could probably do it now because he sucks his thumb. The only time I give him a binki is to get through that last like 40 minutes before his night bottle. So maybe I'll have to experiment a day without one and see how it goes...

Cooper is 4 months and a few weeks old but since I never posted an update ill just consider it a little late. 

He is ALL smiles. Just a big fat grin almost the majority of the time he is awake. It's the best! I just have to make eye contact with him and he gets a huge grin and so wiggly. 

He is rolling now- from back to tummy to back. He's a big dude and so he's different to watch than Mckenzie at this age! He's grabbing his feet and moving his body so much! It's adorable 

He's 15.4lbs and 25in so he hasn't maintained his 90th percentile from birth (mr 10.2lbs) but he's still in the high 60's. It's fun to have a big baby! He's so strong and he can't wait until he can sit up on his own. 

He's our little dream boat baby and he makes me so happy! I really love being a mom of 2! It's been the best thing ever and seriously brings me so much joy and satisfaction. 

My First 5 Days of Minimalism

March 6 Day 1 After watching Minimalism last night I am looking at my house completely differently. I couldn't wait to get home from work and do a sweep of stuff. I took out random knick knacks off shelves, bit the bullet and got rid of 2 dozen pieces of clothing plus shoes jackets and bags. Threw away pounds of old school papers, old photographs and random folders. I went through pics from my childhood (taking selfies before selfies were a thing!) and kept a stack to scan. I threw away a dozen unused plant pots and at the end of all that, 2 big plastic tubs were empty and my garage a little less crowded. I am slightly addicted and can't wait to do more tomorrow.

March 7 Day 2
Went to Smiths and saw the Easter section and was so much more aware of ALL THE THINGS. I avoided the children's clearance section because I always find a good deal I can't walk away from. Over the years I have learned to just not put myself in the place where the things are to buy- mall, boutique, etc. so grocery stores are my jam. But even there I find extra things I think I need. But I'm realizing more and more that I don't technically need any of it.  The Easter spot really just yelled POINTLESS STUFF at me today. It was kind of shocking. I don't really know how holidays will work. My kids are young enough not to know any different if we don't buy anything. I'm interested to see what I end up doing! But I will say the idea of taking money you would spend on stuff and saving it for a family vacation appeals to me soooo much.
I got rid of more stuff today. I went in my kitchen cabinets and found things I have literally never used that we got as gifts from our wedding 6 years ago. Those are gone. I reduced our dozens of spatulas and spoons to a handful. I got rid of an extra 8x8 and 9x13 pan because I don't need 3 of each. I got rid of extra blenders (because we don't need 3). I got rid of some old picture frames that I've had since high school. I took down a few things from my walls. I keep the photos because those add value and bring joy to my life. I went through my bookshelves and got rid of maybe 2 dozen books. Those that I didn't really like when I read them, and will never read again. I'm keeping the books I loved and would recommend to someone or read again. I had purged books about 5 months ago so there wasn't as many books to get rid of. I got rid of 2 more pairs of shoes because I just can't wear them and function as a mother (too high, not stable, etc) and I finally let go of half a dozen necklaces that are old and out of style. I almost saved a few for Kenzie's dress up box but decided against it.

March 8 Day 3
Have I mentioned how ADDICTING this is?? I have spent the last three days going through my entire house multiple times during nap time and keeping finding stuff to get rid of. Today I went through Kenzie's old clothes. I got rid of clothes that were out of style when I received them as a hand-me-down and that she never wore. I got rid of the little stained shirts and the 20 extra receiving blankets we never used. If I didn't use this stuff with my first- who arguably gets the most stuff/special treatment as a baby- I'm not concerned that I will need it for my third (if my third ends up being a girl). I still kept a lot. I kept the jammies and onsies and I know I have more than I "need". But they're all still in great condition and in style and I don't see the logic behind getting rid of stuff you'll need eventually. It's been really hard to get rid of random/excess stuff around the house and in my room, but the kids are different. I plan on keeping the chair that Cooper grows out of. The toys Mckenzie doesn't play with, but Cooper soon will, are staying. I just ask "does this add value" and for the most part, all the kids' stuff does. But the old girl clothes I never had Kenzie wear didn't add value then, and it won't add value down the road. I want to find a place to donate the clothes and blankets to help those who will find value in them. I should make a side note saying I'm not throwing anything away. It's all getting donated. Minus old pictures and papers- nothing is just going in the trash.
So my trunk is full again and I'm feeling more free than ever. I went through my drawers AGAIN and picked a few more items to get rid of. I've gone through my clothes every day this week. It's getting easier each day to toss stuff. Today I put on a shirt and hated how it fit. Instead of putting it back in my closet I put it in the donation pile. This is honestly making me so happy.
I had some extra energy tonight so tackled the pantry and spice cupboard. I threw out expired spices and expired food. I believe in food storage and having food and goods on hand ADDS VALUE to my life- so my pantry still looks like a pantry. But there is no longer random bent gift bags or cookb
ooks I have literally never opened. Minimalism doesn't have to be about an empty looking pantry. It's about having a pantry that is full of useful things that have a purpose. I also went through our junk basket and pen/scissor/anything vertical cup. We don't need 30 pens or old recipes or expired coupons.

March 9 Day 4
I want to talk to everyone I know about this. I can't explain how much it has changed my outlook in less than a week. Random example- I pull a jar of tootsie rolls out of the pantry and pour out a handful. I pause, and put all of them back except one. Because one little tootsie roll will be enough to satisfy that want for sugar. I don't need, or even really want, to eat 10. But since they're small- why not? But because my mind has been in constant minimal mode I reevaluated in a split second and only kept one. Might seem small- but it's an example of how my thoughts are changing to be more aware of the decisions I'm making.
I finished going through Kenzie's old baby clothes and found a few more things in my closet to get rid of. I've gone from having a dozen purses and bags to 3.  My old heels from high school (the pair I wore at graduation and a pair I bought for prom) are gone. Because they don't fit me as well two babies later and I never wear them. I think there are a lot of people who already do this: get rid of stuff when it's no longer useful. But me, and a lot of people I know, hold on to things for other reasons:
"Just in case"
"I might need that one day"
"It's still in good condition"
"For when I go camping" (how I justified having 30 t-shirts I never wore)
"It was a gift"
"It was free" - I am guilty of this!! I get stuff from work ALL THE TIME and bring it home because...why not?? It's free!
Etc
When I was 16 I got a job at the mall and from my very first paycheck I bought stuff. I bought new clothes because I thought if I had hundreds of clothes people would like me more, or tease me less. And so I think I held on to things because why not have 100 shirts? It's actually a pretty cool seal of being on trend right? A huge overflowing closet is a sign of....something? But who says that?? And more importantly- Why should I care? Do clothes bring me joy? The ones that fit me and help me feel confident- absolutely. I won't be getting rid of those. But I will get rid of the clothes that just don't fit me right anymore. And clothes that have sat in my closet for more than a year but have never even been considered as an outfit choice. I don't want my self esteem to be tied to my closet or my home decor. I know I have really improved over the years on that point, but I will say this week has brought me more mental clarity and freedom than ever before. I am truly letting go of the emotional insecurities that I have placed on things.

March 10 Day 5
I said at work today "I think I'm pretty much done going through everything" and then came home and got rid of 50 more things from my closet and 2 big bags of stuff from my bathroom and the kid's bathroom 😳 I have now gone through all the clothes, shoes and accessories I own and took out so much stuff. I had a little bit of anxiety for the first time as I got rid of some nice, quality and in style pieces. But as I felt that anxiety I asked myself "why?" And was really able to just sit there for a few minutes and decide where those feelings were coming from. And once I did, I was able to let go of the stuff, and the anxiety. The other time I had a "crap...what if I'll need that?" was when the people at Saver's were dumping all my bags and boxes of stuff into their carts. I saw so much...I was worried that maybe I got rid of too much. Or that I got rid of stuff that we might need one day. But then I came home and my house looks...the same. That stuff that was being stored in closets and cupboards were not adding value to my life. So I guess I'm saying that is hasn't been easy 100% of the time. But it has made me so happy and satisfied.
I also went through our desk and my old CD case. I downloaded a few CDs onto the computer and then tossed them all out. Again, CDs hanging out at the bottom of my desk wasn't adding value to my life. They weren't even in my car where they could be used. So I just downloaded all the music onto an iPod and will keep that in my car.
After 5 days and several hours, I have gone through every single room, drawer, cupboard, bag, tote, container and folder. I got rid of the things that don't add value to my life. And kept everything that does. It's not about not having any stuff. It's about having a purpose for your stuff. It's about having stuff YOU want. Not stuff just because you think you SHOULD or because that's how your home/closet/bathroom SHOULD look. It's about living a more meaningful life with less. What brings value to my life, might not bring value to yours. And the things that add value to my life now might not add value in 2 months or 8 months or 3 years. And when they no longer do, it's time to get rid of it.


So there you have it. My first 5 Days of Minimalism. I genuinely feel like a different person. I'm excited to see what's next and what lessons I can continue to learn. If you're interested, here is what I recommend
1. Watch the Minimalism documentary on Netflix of Vemeo
2. Listen to their podcast. This is where they answer questions and explain in more detail and give tips on how to apply it to yourself personally
2. They also have some cool articles on their website theminimalists.com
Just like everything- I love a lot of what they say. And other things aren't for me (their diet, exercise or education views just as an example). But I think we can pick and choose and not have to be a die hard to be interested.
For more daily or random thoughts/updates I'll be posting on IG @mbowen_ 

so much stuff to let go!

4am thoughts and a 3 month old baby

I randomly woke up this morning around 4am and stayed awake because I was in bed by 9 (sorry it sorry) and because all of a sudden my bed is really uncomfortable. Bart wants to get a new mattress and I'm just like...I'd rather spend that money on a vacation. Except at this moment I would totally drop 3K for a new mattress. 

Cooper is 3 months old and is perfect. Those first 2 months gave me a run for my money, but the last 3 weeks have seriously been a dream. I know babies do that on purpose, but I'm always quick to forgive them. My happiness as a mother is directly correlated to the amount of sleep I am getting. All praises to women who can function on just a few hours at a time, but in all honestly a lack of sleep is one of my biggest anxiety and depression triggers. Baby or not- if I'm not sleeping well at night I become a jumbled hot mess of tears and emotions. I was crying to my mom one day (and every day before and after this phone call for probably a solid month) wishing I could just handle the sleep deprivation like a "normal" person. But I can't, so I put my baby on a schedule and figure out sleep training and by 10 weeks old my baby is sleeping thru the night and mommy is a sane person again. 

Cooper is a thumb sucker, which is my favorite trait in all of babyland and is the reason he sleeps so well at night and naps like a champ. He still loves to be held and I love it too and snuggle as much as possible. All he does is smile at me and guys, I'm still just as obsessed by it. He'll smile when I get him up in the morning, he smiles at me through his crying if I'm not feeding him fast enough, and he'll smile all the way through his bottle. He's also a big talker and will sit and chat/yell at me for as long as I'm in his face talking back. He's scared of loud noises like the piano at church and the chairs moving across the tile and will get the saddest look on his face before starting to cry. He loves watching his sister and isn't as scared of her anymore. Kenzie is SO MUCH BETTER and I can actually leave him on the floor and let her play because she doesn't have attack-the-baby on the brain (most days) 

I went back to work last week and this week I'm really missing my babies. But I'm glad to be back and routine/schedule is my love language so it's good. For now, working with 2 kids is the same amount of difficult, but managing the house is harder. I go much longer between grocery trips and other errands because getting two kids in and out of the car when it's cold and wet and one kid's nap time is just not a game I volunteer to play often. Maybe when it gets warmer or maybe when I don't have to take the infant car seat in every time or maybe when I grow an extra arm those things will become a priority again. Maybe. 

Bart is in full head coach mode and I'm so proud of him! The timing worked out well because now he is home around 6 most nights instead of 3, but it matched up with me going back to work, so I'm not on hour 12 of kids all to myself = I'm not staring at the clock counting down the hours minutes seconds until he gets home (most days). I'm excited for this year and it's been fun to chat about the good bad and ugly of the program during pillow talk. Kenzie already loves daddy's new work and I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of our time on the east side. 

I could keep going, but it's now time to officially wake up and get ready and if I don't publish this sucker now, I probably won't remember until the next time I'm up at 4. Xo

12 Weeks of Mommy Glory

I'd like to say maternity leave has been filled with only wonderful moments where my children were happy 100% of the time and I lost all the baby weight and really "found" myself and learned yoga and 50 new paleo recipes. I'd like to say I made breakfast lunch and dinner every day and my house stayed clean and my kids didn't wear the same clothes 2 days in a row. Id like to say I really embraced craft time and we celebrated each holiday with special activities. I'd like to say we spent our days outside riding scooters and feeding ducks and having picnics. But it was like 20 degrees the entire time and sometimes it was just easier to let Kenzie find a snack in the pantry than make lunch and not fight her to change her 2 day old shirt. And sometimes craft time only lasted 5 minutes because one cotton ball snowman is enough and playing with scissors is more fun anyway. And sometimes when my kids were both asleep and I had a chance to exercise I chose to lay down on the couch and binge watch Gilmore Girls because the theme song to Daniel the Tiger and Super Why was keeping me up at night. 

The last 12 weeks I have only showered every several days and worn makeup even less. I've eaten candy for breakfast and skipped countless lunches. I've slept and not slept and cried a lot. I've missed my husband and my job and my friends and my sense of "normal". We have gone to the library like every other day because it's inside and not our house and it kills 1-2hrs of our day. Grocery shopping became something we did more because we were bored and less because we needed actual groceries. Sometimes I even just loaded up the kids and drove around because all Mckenzie wanted to do was whine and try to kill her brother and keeping her buckled up and away from my view is only approved when you're in the car. 

Mckenzie embraced 3 hour naps every day and that was my alone time with Cooper and the reason she is still alive and I still have some of my sanity. We spent our mornings waking up at 6am and waiting until 10 because nothing opens until 10 except Target. Thank goodness for Target. We watched a lot of TV. We learned that "grown ups come back" and azul is blue in Spanish and that Curious George always gets into trouble. We watched Angry Birds on repeat and got through the scary parts of Beauty and the Beast until they weren't so scary anymore. I repeat: we watched a lot of TV. 

I watched my baby boy find his hands and his smile and learn how to laugh and sleep on his own. I watched my big girl learn to take deep breaths when she is frustrated and to play soft with her brother. I've learned to take deep breaths too and realize I CAN make the choice not to yell. I learned how beautiful time with a new baby can be when you aren't also dealing with post partum depression. I learned that I am a good mom EVERY DAY because I love them and am doing my best to teach them and all those nasty thoughts in my head about not being good enough aren't truth. 

Am I ready to go back to work? Yes. Have I loved my 12 weeks spent in all its mommy glory? Yes. 

Hi baby: sleepy love

Hi my sweet baby boy,

It's 6am and we've been cuddling since 4:30. While your sleeping has improved, it's still not sleeping through the night and let's be honest- that's really the only milestone worth celebrating when it comes to sleep. For now you go down for bed around 7pm, wake to eat around 1-2am and then it's a wild card until we get up for the day at 6am. Sometimes you just need your binki around 3, but usually it's your "witching hour" and you don't sleep very peacefully. I know it will get better and I'm trying to be patient. Your daddy helps me so I'm getting about 6 good hours of sleep and that helps keep me sane. 

I think the hardest part this time around is you not having your own room. Right now you're out in the landing in between the two bedrooms which means every time you start yelling at night I'm worried you will wake your sister so you get way more attention than she did! Sometimes you get put in my walk-in closet because that's the best place to keep noise away from you, and potential crying in the middle of the night away from her. I've even had the thought of turning our pantry downstairs into your temporary space. Don't judge me- I'm sleep deprived. 

You two will share a room eventually- I just have no idea when that will be. Your sister is still in her crib, and I'm in no rush to get her out (but I think she's going to realize she can climb out any day now) and I'm worried at this point she would crawl into your crib and smother you if you 2 shared a space...so for now you're in the hall and getting spoiled at night. You're welcome. 

You starting smiling and cooing last week and it just melts my heart! I really love it when my babies start interacting and even though I'm trying to not wish away time, I'm excited for you to grow and develop. Your sister was such a fun baby to be around and I loved watching her learn and grow. I am looking forward to doing that with you. 

We just finished Christmas weekend and I loved having you be a part of all the festivities. Having 2 kids has just become our new normal and while it's overwhelming a lot of the time, it feels natural and I'm really glad you're here! Your sister seems to have adjusted to you and still loves you really hard. Don't worry, your dad and I are keeping you alive. 

I don't get very much one-on-one time with you to just chat and play and stare at you. I miss it, and know that's just a luxury I can't really expect anymore- but I love you just as much as your crazy goofy sister and I'm so happy I get 5 more weeks of you and Kenzie before going back to work. 

I love you handsome boy, stay strong and keep growing

Xoxo

Mom

Cooper 1 Month

I was reading through Kenzie's monthly updates and I love remembering it, so I'm going to do my best at updating Cooper too.  I have a hard time blogging at all since my hands are full all day long, and I'm not in the mood in the middle of the night. 

I am the living example of "no 2 kids are the same" and it's been that way since day 1. Kenzie wasn't a sleepy newborn. Cooper was. Cooper could be held all day and night to sleep. Kenzie had to be put down &; didn't like to cuddle. Kenzie wasn't an awesome napper, but dominated night sleep. Cooper rocks his naps but totally sucks at night. Kenzie was an awesome eater and chugged her bottle & ate consistent amounts. I have wasted so much formula with Cooper because he eats random amounts. He has tummy issues, she never did. She loved to sit in her baby chair and chill, he really just wants to be held and loved on & cries if you put him down for more than a few minutes. 

Are you catching my drift here?? 

But he's also so sweet. I love that he loves to cuddle (most of the time). And I really love him. Yesterday was a really hard day. At the end of it I said out loud "I hate my life right now" and as I was holding Cooper when he wouldn't sleep I said I hate that you can't sleep well at night. I hate how tired I am. I hate how stressed and overwhelmed I feel. I hate cleaning my house. I hate my house (mostly because I'm stuck in it all day) And I hate this day. But I really really really love you. And I think that sums up motherhood really well- don't you? We do things every single day we don't like, or things that don't seem important but seem SO redundant and we do them all for the people we love the most. My love for my son doesn't go away just because his witching hour is from 2-6am. My love for that day doesn't exists, but my love for him stays. And thank goodness for that! 

As much as I love him, I can't wait for the night that he sleeps on a predicable schedule and maybe longer than 3 hours at a time 😬 I think the thing keeping me sane is knowing that eventually he will sleep. I don't know when, and it isn't looking like it will be as soon as his sister did, but I know one day he will. Even if I have to wait until he's old enough to let him cry and figure it out himself 👍🏻