Limitless

I just got home from watching Limitless, the new Bradley Cooper movie and it inspired me to stay up past my bed time. It is basically about this dead beat/ worthless guy that gets hooked on this drug that enables you to use 100% of your brain instead of just 20%. He then proceeds to kick ass the rest of the movie...the end. I walk out of there thinking I should kick ass and here I am drinking Mt Dew to help with the ass kicking....the end.

I have a lack of March blog posts and I realized that just emphasizes how busy I have been this month. I have even been writing down all of the things I have been wanting to blog about but never had the time so now I am going to try to and they won't be as funny because I will have to recreate the emotions I was feeling when I wanted to write about them and that never goes over so well. I can't believe March isn't over yet, it seems like forever ago I was getting ready to go to spring break and now that spring break has come and gone March STILL isn't over.

Warning about this blog: my mind is going 230489 miles a minute so I am not focusing on grammatical technicalities so I apologize if this is hard to read for some people :)

Okay, so something that has been on my mind for a while: perfection. I am not a perfectionist...at all. I am proud of what I do and what I accomplish and feel like I am doing pretty well for myself. That being said, I also know I am capable of SO much more but because I would rather just do good and have less stress instead of push myself out of my comfort zone and do great I am also feeling like I am not progressing in the areas I would like to. Do I do a good job in school? yes. Could I do much better? yes. Do I do well with my family? yes. Could I have even greater relationships with them? absolutely. Do I go to church and try to practice those things I believe in? yes. Could I be more selfless and kind? of course. Now I am not saying having a relationship with my family members or studying more for a test would stress me out, it is more the challenging myself that stresses me out.

 I'll be honest, I can think of very few things that I have failed at in my life but I can also think of very few times where I actually put myself out there with a good chance of failing.

So what's better: Succeed at everything I do when I don't push myself, or fail because I tried harder? I think I need to start failing, because at least then I can say I tried. I have this feeling that I am going to be shut down and rejected every where I turn when I get out of school because I have never experienced that before and that terrifies me, but mostly because I am not ready to handle that. Practice failing? That doesn't really sound logical. It's not that I want to plan on failing, because I don't think anyone wishes that upon themselves. It's more like I want to push my boundaries and see where they take me. I want to make things that come easy to me harder, and I want to become better.

Now the technical things come into my mind, I don't have time for my life now, why pile on more? Because I am bored. Not bored with the people in my life or my jobs or even school, I am just bored with myself. I see all of these smart amazing ambitious people my age around me and I want to be like that. I look up to those people who know exactly what they want in life and who stress the hell out of themselves to do it. That being said, I am not saying I want to take on so much that I can't do well in my responsibilities, and I would like to be sane when all of this is said and done please and thank you.

I have been blessed with so many gifts that I know I take for granted. I don't want to lose those gifts because they go unused. I want to make the people in my life proud of me and what I am doing, I want to exceed everyone's expectations including my own. I want to be proud of every single thing I turn in and every project I do. I can honestly say I haven't ever felt this way before. Academics has always come very easy to me and something I have definitely taken for granted, and that is something I want to change. Why not try to be a bad ass like Bradley Cooper without the drugs?