S%$@ Bart Says

B- *holds out hand while driving
M- *takes hand to hold it
B- I know you think this means I want to hold your hand- but I actually just want some of those gummy bears 

B- You can have residual cuddling
M- What does that mean?
B- It means I'm not going to actively touch you

B- Megan, when will you understand the fact that since you are the one with the vagina you are the one that does the dishes? 

*after making him do a kettle bell workout
M- Scale of 1-10 how much do you hate me? 
B- What's is 10? 
M- You don't even want to look at me
B- 12.

B- You don't see cats having sex but you know it happens 

B- And I wore Doc Martens because I was a college freshman and convinced I was going to get a girl 

B- Don't get sugar cereal
M- What cereal do you like then? 
B- I like Life...Cinnamon Toast Crunch
M- Really? But no sugar cereal? 
B- Megan...its cinnamon. 

B- I don't know what the female word is for douche- but that's what she is considered 

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