16 months

Good news! My demon baby is gone, my angel baby is back 

And I just love her. 

After this latest developmental milestone from hell, she is like a new kid. Less baby. More kid. She laughs and giggles and plays in a whole new way. She is chatting more and every once in a while she mimicks something I say. (Tonight she said "all done")

Her appetite is back in full swing and she is eating a ton. Like, everything. I definitely prefer it that way. It was so weird to have her barely eat anything and say no I almost everything I offered her. Now that she is feeling better, she wants to eat all the time. Growth spurt anyone? Also, her new word she can say is "hungry". So there you go. 

Her bedtime also shifted 30-60 minutes later which is also weird. I'm used to having her in bed by 6-6:30 but this weekend she has been happy until closer to 7:30-8pm. AND she even slept in until 8am on Saturday. That has NEVER happened. It was amazing. I don't know if the late bedtime will last once we get back into our weekday routine, but we haven't minded having our little buddy around for a little longer at night. 

She says no like a champ, and doesn't seem to be as attached to Dog. We can leave him in the crib during the day and she is fine without him. She's growing up!  I love the light at the end of a developmental tunnel and see what has changed. 

So at 16 months here are some baby stats 

23lbs 31inches 

12 teeth (4 molars are now in) 

Sleeps 10-12 hrs a night with 1.5-2hr nap 

Loves tortillas, apples, cheese and blueberry muffins 

Climbs on everything! No fear

Gives kisses and hugs 

Hates being in her car seat 

Loves to turn the music on and dance 

Still totally goofy and silly 

It was so much fun to spend Thanksgiving with Bart's side of the family and watch her play with cousins. It was a wonderful weekend spent with family. On Sunday we went down to Utah County for my niece's baby blessing. I just love my siblings! I really loved having this last week filled with family. It's such a nice time of year to refill my life with what matters most 

TGF Bedtime

Ugh. You guys! I'm really struggling with Mckenzie. My journal entry last night starts "I feel like a failure of a mother. I yelled at Kenny today". I always knew patiencs was a weakness of mine, but God is making it abundantly clear that it's something I need to work on, like meow.

Obviously I love my daughter. I really really love her. But when she whines and screams for no apparent reason? For 3 weeks straight? My deep breaths are only going so far to help. I'm sure her behavior is totally normal and typical for a 16 month old. I understand she is learning and growing and figuring out boundaries. I get that she's frustrated that she knows what she wants, but can't communicate.

I hear you.
I get it.

It still really sucks and is really irritating and I am just so so happy when bedtime comes every.single.day.

Luckily she isn't sick anymore, so her behavior and attitude have improved .00008%. We were even able to go for a walk today -something she hasn't wanted to do for weeks. We were outside for almost an hour and she was her happy fun self. We walked around and explored and kicked rocks and crunched leaves. And it was so fun! I was legitimately enjoying being with her for the first time in a looong time. And then toward the end she threw herself down on the grass and screamed and threw a fit.

It was nice while it lasted.

So tonight in my prayers I will say sorry for losing my patience and thank you for a 6pm bedtime.
and then try again tomorrow.

Is this week over yet??

It has been a WEEK in the Bowen household. Mckenzie was sick Sat-Mon. I was pretty much dead Wed-Thursday with food poisoning and Macs and I both have had tummy issues since. yuck! There are a lot of crackers and bananas being eaten around here. It's been a while since I've had a stomach bug and it is so miserable! 

I've still been able to follow my 30 day goal pretty well. I did sip on some Sprite and ginger ale and a couple pieces of dark chocolate. But for the most part my complete lack of appetite has just made it that much easier to behave myself. I wanted to avoid gluten-free bread and pasta but since that's all my tummy could handle the last few days I have had a little bit. Sometimes reality happens and veggies just aren't going to happen!! 

Mckenzie has been really struggling lately and it's been hard! It's hard to tell what part of her behavior is pain from getting her molars in (the last 2 are almost complete!), or if she is just sick with a tummy bug, or if it's more behavior change. Whatever it is- she is a grouchy, irritated handful. Luckily her night sleep hasn't been affected at all (knock on wood) so Bart and I have the evening to unwind and charge our patience batteries for the next day. 

Mckenzie has always been a dramatic little kid, but I think now that she is so smart and knows what she wants, she gets even more frustrated that she can't talk yet and tell us what she needs. If I am watching close enough I can usually get her through a frustrating moment pretty quickly. But other days she is just clingy and so sad and very emotional. I definitely have a girl on my hands! I just hope this stage doesn't last for much longer. When she has her sweet/funny/goofy moments I know my angel baby is in there somewhere! 

Ugh. 

Babies. Children. Parenting. 

It's just filled with the dumbest and yet the most important things in life. At the end of the day, the love I have for my baby replaces any negative thing that happened. And my baby is growing up so fast! Maybe it's time for another one?? Hmmm...

 

To everyone posting on mom boards: shut up.

Can we talk about discussion boards for a moment? More specifically MOM discussion boards. This is where the crazy go to spread their crazy on everyone and where the dumb soak in all the crazy.

I am searching for some answers about Mckenzie's symptoms this weekend (I'll spare you the potty talk details) and for one certain thing (poop) the only sites that pop up in my Google search are mommy boards. I just don't even click on them because I know they will be filled with a seemingly innocent question, asked by a first time mom (questions I HAVE) and then the crazy stupid begins. These women just post the dumbest stuff!

To all new moms out there; please please please please PLEASE don't read those boards. Don't take advice from the crazy. Please. I am tempted to post a question myself juts so I have material to talk about later in a blog post.

I am not exaggerating when I say that I have never found legitimate help on a mommy board. The only thing I have found comforting is knowing that I'm not the first mom who has this kind of question.

Now excuse me while I go research the reason behind my child's poop changes. BYE!!

What I've been eating

So I'm one week into my 30 day re-focus and I'm doing really well! I don't feel like it's been very hard to resist things I can't have. Which only tells me this was the perfect time to do it!

Here is an idea of what I've been eating the last week. I stopped keeping track after Saturday because I lost motivation to write everything down :)

Tuesday
Scrambled eggs w/spinach
apple + natural peanut butter
mashed avocado with a few bites of left over chicken and black beans
roasted butternut squash
ground turkey taco meat on lettuce
* feeling motivated today so the day was easy peasy *
 
Wednesday
Scrambled eggs w/taco meat
Chicken w/ avocado 
Quinoa/brown rice mix
Green smoothie ( spinach, frozen fruit, chia seeds, water)
Rice cakes and peanuts
Salsa verde chicken w/brown rice
* I was so hungry all day today! I tried to fill my belly with rice cakes and peanuts. Pretty pathetic, but I made it through the day!*

Thursday
Scrambled eggs w/green peppers
Leftovers: taco meat, quinoa, squash
Sweet potato + salt
Handful of nuts
Chicken + potato hash
*Another day where I was hungry about 20 minutes after I ate. My body is just getting use to everything. I haven't really craved sugar yet*

Friday (My Birthday!)
Egg hash (spinach, green peppers, taco meat, turkey bacon)
Nuts and veggies w/hummus
Corn fritters
Sushi and pad thai
*My friends took me out to Cheesecake Factory for lunch where I got corn fritters with sour cream on top. They are SO good. Bart took me out later to Thai Basi. Even YUMMIER than Cheesecake factory. I was able to get rice noodles. I definitely wasn't hungry today*

Saturday
2 fried eggs with turkey bacon
Green smoothie
turkey + cheese roll ups 


Fascinating isn't it? ;)  I know I always found it interesting and helpful to see what other people are eating. Basically I just had to remind myself that it's OK to eat the same thing several days in a row (hello taco meat!) and that I'm not eating food for comfort. On Sunday night I about lost it and just kept pacing my kitchen trying to figure out what I wanted to eat. Luckily I stayed strong. Today I was totally craving some sugar, but I'm really proud of myself. I haven't gone one full week with zero sugar for a while. Now that I've gone a week, I'm more motivated to not give that up for a bite of something. It's been interesting to realize my cravings aren't really controlling me anymore. I love it! I love that I haven't felt too-full all week and that I have proven to myself that I can do this.

30 Whole Days

It's no secret that nutrition has become a huge part of my life. The last three years I've been living on a moderated diet that excluded things like caffeine, gluten and fast food. There was a period of time as I was helping my body heal from several different things that I was even stricter than that. MUCH stricter. That temporary diet was never meant to be a lifelong crazy thing I had to uphold forever. When I got pregnant and when I was nursing, I felt the pressure to eat enough calories to keep my body/baby/milk supply functioning so I started getting further and further away from my recommended food plan.

This year I have mostly avoided gluten (but still ate it sometimes) and didn't really try too hard with sugar (eating it daily- most foods you eat have added sugar in them). It struck me last night that it's November. 2015 is almost over and I've gone a full year of not following my program. I know I still eat better than a lot of people, but I haven't been taking my auto-immune disease and my treatment plan seriously. I'm disappointed in myself, but I also know that this year my attention and focus has been needed other places, more than just what's on my dinner plate.

So I've been thinking a lot about what my next plan is going to be. How do I get back on track? How do I make that track realistic and doable for me? I'm still trying to figure it all out, but I have decided to dedicate the next 30 days to really focusing and trying.

Why 30 days? Because in 31 days my butt will be on a beautiful Mexico beach with my sexy husband and that sounds like a pretty good reward, doesn't it? If I can do really well and restart my behavior with food for 30 days, then on day 31 I think I will be able to enjoy my week long vacation a little more.

So I'm going back to my old rules, which means my thoughts and behaviors are going to revolve around that for a while. And that's OK. I think it's OK to sometimes take a moment and be selfish about your health. Forget that it might inconvenience others or take time/energy away from other worthy things. I think right now in my life, this thing is worthy.

I've never done the Whole30 program, and I don't plan on making my next 30 days a technical "whole30". I will be eating beans and quinoa (because we all know how much I LOVE quinoa). But many of my restrictions line up with the rules of Whole30. No added or processed sugar. No grains. Protein and veggies at every meal. I plan on having a little dairy in my diet which Whole30 doesn't allow.

So who cares? Probably no one. But I'm writing it down and sharing it with all of you so I hold myself accountable. I have done this before, and it was even harder because I was sick and my body was trying to heal.  I'm not doing this to lose weight or feel better about my body. I love my body right now and I'm proud of it. I'm healthy now, and I know this will just make me feel even better.

I stumbled across a blog where the girl documented what she ate every day during her Whole30 process and it was so helpful for me to have that visual! I'm going to have a weekly update of what my meals looked like, and how I am feeling. Again, mostly for me to have a reason to keep track. During my treatment program I had a doctor who I talked to every single week and he held me accountable. I'm hoping this plan helps me the same way he did!

So sit back and read my journey- or don't! I'm sure there will be plenty of other baby-filled posts to keep you occupied!

19 minutes of crying

Sitting here at my computer, listening to my child scream. Wait- I thought we went through this already??? It seems every 4-5 months we have to re-sleep train Mckenzie and every time sucks just as bad as the last. As she gets older her cries are even more sad/depressing/pathetic and it takes all that I have to not go in there and "save her". Of course saving her consists of her just screaming more when I'm holding her and then even MORE when I put her back down again. It's been 6 minutes and she seems to be loosing steam- we'll see if she makes it to the end of this blog post!

It's so random to me when things shift for her- it's like WHAT? WHY???? I guess I could blame it on teeth right? Isn't that what most people do? And it probably is her mouth, which is why I gave her a dose of tylenol before I left her to choke on her own self pity.

But seriously- it's a sad few nights around here when we have to go through this phase.

Monday nights Bart is gone until 10:30pm for his Master's program so I'm stuck here all by myself. I've been trying to not watch as much TV so I'm on the computer instead. Not all screen time is created equal? RIGHT? I haven't watched any TV today which is pretty good for me.

This past weekend was the first football-free weekend in months and it was amazing. Seriously. I forget how much I love having Bart home. And not only is he home, but he isn't as stressed or tired. So it's all a win win win. Our marriage happiness level goes up several points at the end of each season. I'm not saying our marriage is hanging on by a thread during the season, but it's hard! I'll be the first one to admit it. Having him home and present and not super stressed is a blessing and it makes me happy. Mckenzie totally loves it too. She is much better behaved when dad is home. We spent one evening just hanging out and playing on the living room floor. She was totally content playing and hanging out for much longer than she is when it was just with me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who notices a difference with daddy!

(11 minutes...I've gotten up and gone to her door twice but STAYED STRONG and didn't open it).

Her crying is distracting me and I have nothing else to write. Stay strong all you moms out there! The day is almost over

xo

Happy Halloween 2015

Is it a mom fail or mom success when no photos were taken of our Halloween adventure last night? I say a little of both. I figure I did plenty of documenting the first few Halloween festivities, right?? She was still the best looking Owl in the room 😍 

Mckenzie joined me at work on Friday for our Halloween show.

The whole gang at a party last week. We looked the same last night :) 

We made our way to Eagle Mountain to go trick-or-treating with our friends who have a daughter Mckenzie's age. It was so fun to go out with same-age babies. They looked adorable in their costumes. It was a beautiful night- I was so happy it wasn't cold! 

Mckenzie caught on pretty quick to the whole idea. She had her cute little pumpkin bucket that she held in the crook of her elbow as she toddled to every house. She would accept the piece of candy and put it in her bucket, and then turn around and head to the next place. It was pretty adorable every.single.time. Since she doesn't really know what candy is, it didn't even occur to her that the stuff people were giving her was edible. 

It was her second (and probably last)  Halloween where she didn't eat any candy. Bart and I picked through the bucket and tossed the rest of it into the trash. 

I haven't been trick or treating for probably 10 years. It was fun to be back and part of that holiday tradition! It was obviously very different. Going at a snail's pace to each door instead of sprinting to every house, pillowcase in hand. I think we made it to 10-12 houses last night. A far cry from the dozens and dozens of houses we stopped at as kids. No drama, insecurities or worries. No friends being left out or feelings hurt. Just family and friends. Just a first time mom and dad enjoying every moment of their baby's new experience. It didn't really matter what candy ended up in the bucket or if we were back in time for curfew. 

Being a parent is so interesting. It brings back memories of my own childhood as I see my own child begin her memory making. I love being on the other side and be the one to help make those memories. 

Oh, and did I mention that football season is officially over so it was the first Saturday in MONTHS that Bart was FREE to spend the day with us????? It was as amazing as it sounds. We both love having him back.