Angry prayers


It's an interesting thing. It's part of our daily lives. We don't realize just how much we need it until we aren't getting any. 

I have not slept well the past 8 weeks. I guess it's even longer than that since pregnancy sleep is kind of a joke

But the past 2 months have been a totally different ball game. The first few weeks I probably averaged a few 1-1.5 hour naps a night. Then we increased it to 2 three hour stretches. Even when my daughter sleeps 5-6-7 hours mommy sleeps maybe 4. 

It's exhausting. 

When I do get the chance to go to bed early (because my wonderful husband is taking care of things) I can't fall asleep. My mind wanders to tomorrow or next week or a month from now. It thinks about my baby and what she might need. It replays the many hours of television I have watched because I'm so freakin bored. 

If I do fall asleep I will usually wake up just a few hours later with the idea that it's time to pump. Even though my baby is sleeping. I've officially decided that isn't happening anymore. I'm only going to pump when she gets up to eat. 1 wake up call for the both of us. 

I angry prayed last night. So tired and ready for sleep I told myself "screw everything and my milk supply and just let me sleep for a few @&$&?/@ hours. " there were tears and frustration and lack of faith that anyone was listening (how hard could it be to help me sleep???))

Well I got a 6ish hour stretch of sleep and now it's 3:30am. My baby is fed and back to sleep, I'm pumping away and saying a less angry prayer. 

1 comment:

  1. I seriously have NO idea how you are still doing the pumping thing!!! It was soooooo exhausting for me. You're an amazing mother!



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