Numbers

I ran across this article from Beauty Redefined and I continued to think about it all day. As most of you know, I'm not exactly a feminist, I don't think men are evil and I think women were meant to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. HA! That being said, I love this website and the mission these ladies have.

The main part of the article that got to me was the part where it said, what will happen when you reach your goal number? I thought about this because recently I met my "goal number" and guess what? Nothing has changed. I still have a husband who loves me and grabs my butt every chance he gets. I still have the same respect at work and I'm still wearing pretty much all my "old" clothes. People don't treat me differently. I don't all of a sudden have tons of friends. I still sit alone in Math class (by choice, shhh I'm focused!!) The ONLY thing that has changed in that regard is the number on the scale.

Yes I feel better and have more confidence, but why? Why are we so obsessed with numbers? Honestly it wasn't until recently, when I passed the 20 pound mark, that I even noticed a difference in my body. When I looked in the mirror I still saw a short girl with small boobs, hips and scars on her stomach with freckles and a tan. I don't know what I was expecting to see when I reached my "goal number" but I was surprised when it was my same body I see everyday reflected back at me.

So what's in a number? A pant size or two? More self worth? But why? How have we become so focused on a number? I now have a new "goal number" because that's just what we do right? We reach our goals, even exceed them, and immediately set new ones. I never dreamed of being down to the number I'm at, and yet, a smaller number is now in my mind....and I guess deep down I am hoping for a different result. Am I  hoping to see someone else reflecting back? Am I hoping I look and it's a tall girl with long legs and smooth skin with no signs if growth & surgery? Or am I going to be happy with what I see? And what exactly is going to happen if I reach my new goal number? I'm going to guess: NOTHING. My life won't be any better, or any worse, if I lose 5 more pounds. That's the simple fact of it all. The number on the scale doesn't matter.

I'm sure some of you are thinking, well Megan, it's easy for you to say that because you've actually LOST the weight and achieved your goal number. Yes, I have, and honestly it's been a life changing experience...and that's why I feel like I'm able to say all of this. I've lived it. I didn't just lose 5 pounds for a weekend and then gain it back. I've lost more than 20 and multiple inches off my body. And I'll say it again: nothing has changed. We live in a world where nothing is good enough. Numbers are arbitrary. I'm not talking about obese adults who lose over 100 pounds and get their lives back. Obviously that's a different story. I'm talking to the majority of young adults who read my blog who are always searching for those last few pounds..who are always focused on the weight they want to lose. on the number they hope to achieve. To those of you reading I'll ask you the same question: how will your life be different if you make it to that number? Chances are, not much will change.

 I'd like to think that through this journey I have come to understand my body and appreciate all that it does for me. But that little voice in the back of my head will still be there searching for someone it thinks should be there when the goal is reached.