I know I say this all the time, but it's hard to believe it's only been 118 days since this crazy Hashimotos journey started! It has officially become a lifestyle. I'm no longer fighting back habits and cravings, I just live my life "normal" and sometimes think back on my life "back when"
Back when I could drink milk and have cold cereal in the morning.
Bach when I "watched what I ate" but really if I wanted it, I'd have a piece
Back when I was the best taste tester on our shows
Back when I didn't have to obsess over everything that went into my mouth.
Back when I didn't understand what was wrong with my body
Back when my stomach hurt every. day.
Back when Bart would ask me all the time why my body acted like it was 80 years old
Back when running 3 miles seemed impossible and every step was painful.
Back when I couldn't lose weight and my self esteem was hitting an all time low.
Back when I hated doctors because they just gave me a new pill for the pain.
Back when I was starting to resent my body
Back when I didn't feel like I was ever going to be ready to be a mother because I could hardly take care of myself
When I'm having a hard day, I just think to "back when" my whole life was different. Was I happier in some areas of my life? Absolutely. But was I living a happy life? Not compared to the happiness I now live.
Now I realize a veggie omlet can be just as yummy as cereal
Now 3 miles are my easy weekday runs
Now I don't ever think "will I feel sick today" because my body is functioning the way it should
Now my few pieces of dark chocolate can be enjoyed, guilt free. And that small taste of sugar is enough.
Now I love my body and appreciate everything I'm able to do.
Now I can wake up ready for the new day confident I'll be able to tackle my responsibilities.
Now I can picture myself with babies and children and know I'll be able to be a good mother.
Now I'm living healthy, and living happy.
31.7.13
30.7.13
Almond Brown Rice Pudding
As I was eating my tasty tasty snack today I realized this is a perfect recipe to share with all of you! I can eat it which means it's gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, etc. Plus, it's delicious! We eat it as a Saturday morning breakfast, a quick afternoon snack or a happy dessert. A little goes a long way so make a bunch and save for the week!
Ingredients
1/2 Dates (we just use Raisins throughout this whole recipe since we don't have dates)
1 cup uncooked brown rice
4 cups unsweetened vanilla almondmilk
1/2 raisins
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 roasted chopped almonds
Directions
Place dates(or raisins) in a bowl and pour 1/2 cup boiling water over them. Let soak 15ish minutes. Transfer dates and water to a blender. Add vanilla and cinnamon and puree until a smooth syrup.
Meanwhile bring rice and almondmilk to a boil in sauce pan. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until rice is tender and absorbed most of the milk (about 45 minutes. Some of the milk will still be there, just taste the rice to see if it's done). Stir occasionally or it will boil over (learned that the hard way...twice).
Put cooked rice in bowl, add syrup and almonds. Serve warm and enjoy!
Almond Brown Rice Pudding
Ingredients
1/2 Dates (we just use Raisins throughout this whole recipe since we don't have dates)
1 cup uncooked brown rice
4 cups unsweetened vanilla almondmilk
1/2 raisins
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 roasted chopped almonds
Directions
Place dates(or raisins) in a bowl and pour 1/2 cup boiling water over them. Let soak 15ish minutes. Transfer dates and water to a blender. Add vanilla and cinnamon and puree until a smooth syrup.
Meanwhile bring rice and almondmilk to a boil in sauce pan. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until rice is tender and absorbed most of the milk (about 45 minutes. Some of the milk will still be there, just taste the rice to see if it's done). Stir occasionally or it will boil over (learned that the hard way...twice).
Put cooked rice in bowl, add syrup and almonds. Serve warm and enjoy!
28.7.13
POLS, SOC & SPCH
Fall 2009. SOC 3010- Social Inequality. Grade: B
I remember this class, but I don't remember anything I learned. Make sense? I remember a lot of (hot) football players had this class but beyond that nothing else comes to mind. I wish I had more to write!
Spring 2010. POLS 1100- US Government & Politics. Grade: C+
This was one of the classes in the semester I mentioned last time...the one where I was taking too many classes that depended on the scan-tron test! I suck at scan-trons. I remember I had this class with a friend who never came and never studied, but he did better than me on every test. awesome. I don't remember much about this class either. I wanted to see if I was interested in politics and it turned out that I was most definitely NOT interested in politics.
Fall 2010. SPCH 2110- Interpersonal Communication. Grade: B+
Interpersonal communication class is all about how to talk about your feelings and develop healthy relationships blah blah blah. I've never been an awesome communicator so I guess that made me the perfect student. It was one of those classes where you put the desks in a circle and are expected to participate in the discussions. It was a lot like a therapy session with everyone chatting out their feelings. Totally my kind of thing.
For our final project we had to pick a relationship that we wanted to improve our communication and document our findings. I chose Bart. We were recently engaged and he had a problem with the way I communicated ( aka I DIDN'T communicate and he hated it). It was actually pretty beneficial. I learned that I was a bad listener and tuned him out a lot. I realized I needed to listen to him all the time, not just when I thought it was important. I still sometimes struggle with this, but I have definitely gotten better.
The main thing I remember is this professor said hardly anyone got an A in her class. This of course made me want to get an A ( I didn't...). The same day she said that was the same day we talked about self fulfilling prophesy: you tell someone something and it's more likely to happen. I found it ironic that she made sure everyone knew they would most likely NOT get an A...thanks for that! In the end she was one of my favorite professors even though she didn't like me very much.
I remember this class, but I don't remember anything I learned. Make sense? I remember a lot of (hot) football players had this class but beyond that nothing else comes to mind. I wish I had more to write!
Spring 2010. POLS 1100- US Government & Politics. Grade: C+
This was one of the classes in the semester I mentioned last time...the one where I was taking too many classes that depended on the scan-tron test! I suck at scan-trons. I remember I had this class with a friend who never came and never studied, but he did better than me on every test. awesome. I don't remember much about this class either. I wanted to see if I was interested in politics and it turned out that I was most definitely NOT interested in politics.
Fall 2010. SPCH 2110- Interpersonal Communication. Grade: B+
Interpersonal communication class is all about how to talk about your feelings and develop healthy relationships blah blah blah. I've never been an awesome communicator so I guess that made me the perfect student. It was one of those classes where you put the desks in a circle and are expected to participate in the discussions. It was a lot like a therapy session with everyone chatting out their feelings. Totally my kind of thing.
For our final project we had to pick a relationship that we wanted to improve our communication and document our findings. I chose Bart. We were recently engaged and he had a problem with the way I communicated ( aka I DIDN'T communicate and he hated it). It was actually pretty beneficial. I learned that I was a bad listener and tuned him out a lot. I realized I needed to listen to him all the time, not just when I thought it was important. I still sometimes struggle with this, but I have definitely gotten better.
The main thing I remember is this professor said hardly anyone got an A in her class. This of course made me want to get an A ( I didn't...). The same day she said that was the same day we talked about self fulfilling prophesy: you tell someone something and it's more likely to happen. I found it ironic that she made sure everyone knew they would most likely NOT get an A...thanks for that! In the end she was one of my favorite professors even though she didn't like me very much.
25.7.13
Buyer's Market
Hi my name is Megan and I'm all sorts of grown up!
Bart and I looked at houses today..like to BUY. Yes...we will hopefully be homeowners soon. So exciting!
We saw a few good and a few not so good ones today. The last one we checked out I got all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside. (good sign). We're moving forward and seeing what happens. I will keep you posted!
p.s. Once we buy a home I'm going to have to channel my inner Sarah-Gardner and be crafty..that should make for some interesting posts.
xoxo
Bart and I looked at houses today..like to BUY. Yes...we will hopefully be homeowners soon. So exciting!
We saw a few good and a few not so good ones today. The last one we checked out I got all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside. (good sign). We're moving forward and seeing what happens. I will keep you posted!
p.s. Once we buy a home I'm going to have to channel my inner Sarah-Gardner and be crafty..that should make for some interesting posts.
xoxo
22.7.13
The Boys Who Made Me Cry
I was driving home from Math tonight and was having an emotional break down. I was crying because that dang math test was freakin' hard and I hate sitting there staring at my work for 45 minutes not knowing what to do different. So I did what most girls would do- cranked up Taylor Swift and cried on my way home. A T-Swift song came up that reminded me of this boy I liked back in Logan (pre-Bart). I cried over this particular boy.
This reminded me that I have only cried over 5 boys....which brings me to this post. (A girl's brain is pure logic people...especially when she's PMSing and sleep deprived).
Boy #1- Corbin (now married + kids)
We "dated" in 8th grade. It consisted of him meeting me at my locker and writing notes back and forth. I remember we kissed and it was a HUGE scandal. I also remember calling him one day in my friend Kiley's room and dumped him. Then proceeded to bawl my eyes out. Kiley was confused because why was I crying if I didn't like him? Who knows...and Avril Lavigne songs made me feel better.
Boy #2- Derek (now married)
Oh Derek. My first "real" boyfriend. 9th-10th(ish) grade. We were either making out or fighting. It was a really healthy relationship...that lasted more than a year. After our dramatic breakup I was an emotional wreck. Cue the journal entries of "I'm never going to be happy again. I'll never forget him...I love him blah blah blah...how can anyone make me happy...this SONG is story of my life...(Don't worry, I found someone just a few short months later)"...I mean come on guys, I'm laughing just typing about it. Sadly I have the journal entries to prove I'm not making this stuff up. I would consider Derek my first "puppy love" experience. I truly believe 15 year olds can love someone. It's just a different stage of love.
Boy #3- Caleb (now a baby daddy)
This one pulls at the heart strings a little bit. It's crazy to think the good part of this relationship only lasted 9 months. 9 months of dating and years of crying. Seriously. This was NOT a clean break. It was one of those I love you....we're so happy....you did what? I hate you.....never talk to you again....delete number.......remember your number....text you....I LOVE YOU TOO! Honestly the most unhealthy relationship I can imagine. Any of my friends in high school AND hair school know about this one. "Apologize" was a popular ring tone for his texts. (Don't act like I'm the only one who did this....) I moved to Logan in an attempt to leave this pesky heart-breaker behind.
Boy #4- Brandon (now married)
This one surprised me. It was during the phase of not being with Caleb but I hadn't moved away yet. I dated A LOT of boys during this phase. Brandon was the golden child. Nothing like any other boys I dated. He was the boy your mom wanted to see you go out with. So we did....and he didn't really have the guts to do much about it...but I was enjoying myself. Then I find out he has a freakin' girlfriend! What a dirt-bag (which is funny, because if you knew Brandon you would know he was anything BUT a dirt-bag). I still remember finding this out and crying on my bed. *Cue music* I quickly turned his ring-tone to "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne (Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend...etc) and smiled at him in the halls like he never had an effect on me. Silly boys..you always some kind of effect on us! This was the first time I had cried over a boy I didn't "love". I wasn't his girlfriend, but I totally felt played when I found out he had one behind my back (or so it felt at the time).
Boy #5- Dane (now married)
This was a Logan, UT boy. This was the boy that inspired this blog post! Taylor Swift, "Cold as You". I totally liked this guy. Why? Who the heck knows. looking back I can't explain it. Did we ever have a full conversation? No. Was he weird? Yes. I remember cuddling on the couch for hours "sleeping" (even though I never slept because hello...what if I drooled???). I totally thought that cuddle sesh meant something...until I found out that he got himself a girlfriend. I swear, I turn my back for ONE SECOND and these boys just get a different chick. WTF?? Most would later tell me it's because I never seemed like I wanted to commit. I didn't. but that doesn't mean I wanted YOU to commit to someone else. duh. He also happened to be besties with my CRAZY roommate so that didn't help things either....
You're probably wondering where my lovely husband makes the list. Well ladies and gentlemen...he doesn't! Number one reason being that he hasn't gotten himself a new girlfriend and we're still happily together. I'm not saying I've never cried over Bart, but I can honestly say Bart has never made me cry like this other douche bags. Thanks honey. xoxo
This reminded me that I have only cried over 5 boys....which brings me to this post. (A girl's brain is pure logic people...especially when she's PMSing and sleep deprived).
Boy #1- Corbin (now married + kids)
We "dated" in 8th grade. It consisted of him meeting me at my locker and writing notes back and forth. I remember we kissed and it was a HUGE scandal. I also remember calling him one day in my friend Kiley's room and dumped him. Then proceeded to bawl my eyes out. Kiley was confused because why was I crying if I didn't like him? Who knows...and Avril Lavigne songs made me feel better.
Boy #2- Derek (now married)
Oh Derek. My first "real" boyfriend. 9th-10th(ish) grade. We were either making out or fighting. It was a really healthy relationship...that lasted more than a year. After our dramatic breakup I was an emotional wreck. Cue the journal entries of "I'm never going to be happy again. I'll never forget him...I love him blah blah blah...how can anyone make me happy...this SONG is story of my life...(Don't worry, I found someone just a few short months later)"...I mean come on guys, I'm laughing just typing about it. Sadly I have the journal entries to prove I'm not making this stuff up. I would consider Derek my first "puppy love" experience. I truly believe 15 year olds can love someone. It's just a different stage of love.
Boy #3- Caleb (now a baby daddy)
This one pulls at the heart strings a little bit. It's crazy to think the good part of this relationship only lasted 9 months. 9 months of dating and years of crying. Seriously. This was NOT a clean break. It was one of those I love you....we're so happy....you did what? I hate you.....never talk to you again....delete number.......remember your number....text you....I LOVE YOU TOO! Honestly the most unhealthy relationship I can imagine. Any of my friends in high school AND hair school know about this one. "Apologize" was a popular ring tone for his texts. (Don't act like I'm the only one who did this....) I moved to Logan in an attempt to leave this pesky heart-breaker behind.
Boy #4- Brandon (now married)
This one surprised me. It was during the phase of not being with Caleb but I hadn't moved away yet. I dated A LOT of boys during this phase. Brandon was the golden child. Nothing like any other boys I dated. He was the boy your mom wanted to see you go out with. So we did....and he didn't really have the guts to do much about it...but I was enjoying myself. Then I find out he has a freakin' girlfriend! What a dirt-bag (which is funny, because if you knew Brandon you would know he was anything BUT a dirt-bag). I still remember finding this out and crying on my bed. *Cue music* I quickly turned his ring-tone to "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne (Hey hey you you I don't like your girlfriend...etc) and smiled at him in the halls like he never had an effect on me. Silly boys..you always some kind of effect on us! This was the first time I had cried over a boy I didn't "love". I wasn't his girlfriend, but I totally felt played when I found out he had one behind my back (or so it felt at the time).
Boy #5- Dane (now married)
This was a Logan, UT boy. This was the boy that inspired this blog post! Taylor Swift, "Cold as You". I totally liked this guy. Why? Who the heck knows. looking back I can't explain it. Did we ever have a full conversation? No. Was he weird? Yes. I remember cuddling on the couch for hours "sleeping" (even though I never slept because hello...what if I drooled???). I totally thought that cuddle sesh meant something...until I found out that he got himself a girlfriend. I swear, I turn my back for ONE SECOND and these boys just get a different chick. WTF?? Most would later tell me it's because I never seemed like I wanted to commit. I didn't. but that doesn't mean I wanted YOU to commit to someone else. duh. He also happened to be besties with my CRAZY roommate so that didn't help things either....
You're probably wondering where my lovely husband makes the list. Well ladies and gentlemen...he doesn't! Number one reason being that he hasn't gotten himself a new girlfriend and we're still happily together. I'm not saying I've never cried over Bart, but I can honestly say Bart has never made me cry like this other douche bags. Thanks honey. xoxo
21.7.13
Daughter of God
I love Sundays. We don't have church until 1 p.m. and it's my favorite! I love sleeping in, having breakfast with Bart and then just relaxing.
I love listening to church music and reading the books/magazines I don't take the time to read during the week. Sunday is truly my day of rest, my day of peace, my day to recharge for the week and my day to feel the spirit.
I found this video online and it echos what I believe. I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love him.
I love listening to church music and reading the books/magazines I don't take the time to read during the week. Sunday is truly my day of rest, my day of peace, my day to recharge for the week and my day to feel the spirit.
I found this video online and it echos what I believe. I am a daughter of Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love him.
19.7.13
SOC, HIST & USU
Spring 2010. SOC 3200- Population and Society. Grade: B+
Have you ever had a bad teacher? I mean a really bad teacher? The kind of teacher that makes you upset because you are paying thousands of dollars to this institution that allows teachers like this to exist? I did. And this was the class. This old man was so horrible I was close to writing to the president of the school to complain. Then I thought about that extra work, and decided to just hate him in silence instead. This professor was 90 years old and admitted to the entire class on his first day that he hadn't taught this course since 1995. AWESOME! This was the year the 2010 Census was being conducted. So that's what we learned about. The first 5 minutes of class was spent listening to polka music (yes, polka music) and watching him do a little groove. The next 30 minutes were spent on figuring out how to work the projector, and then the next 15 minutes were spent going over the slides we went over last class. The final 10 minutes were spent "learning" something new. What made me the most upset? Is this guy noticed when I missed class and docked me points. (hence the B+) what a dick right?
Spring 2009. HIST 2710- United States 1877-Present. Grade: A
If you went to Utah State University, did you have the pleasure of having Ms. Denise Conover? If you did, you probably have a good idea of how this class went. This lady was from the South and had plenty of strong opinions about the government. Lucky for me, this was also the semester she had to get shoulder surgery so most of our classes were cancelled. This was also the class that Bart apparently had with me. ( I don't remember him...but Bart remembers me. According to him, "I looked mean").
In this class you NEVER had your phone out because this crazy lady would call you out and yell at you for a solid minute. If you looked down while she was giving some kind of announcement she freaked out until you told her you were just writing down the test date. Our grades were based on the roll that she passed around. Sign your name and chances are you'll get an A. I didn't do my final paper and I still got an A! The perfect class for a college Freshman.
Fall 2009. USU 1320-Civilization: Humanities. Grade: C-
Fall 2009 was a bad semester. It was my second semester and I was taking 6 classes. They were almost all USU courses AKA generals. The classes with 200 people and scantrons. My worst enemy. (I don't do well with multiple choice). I hadn't caught on to the importance of regularly attending class ( that realization would come after I got my report card..almost all C's). I honestly do not remember what class this was. I looked it up on USU's website and here is the description "Provides basic understanding of a broad range of themes, which cut across human history and continue to be important in contemporary society." No wonder I almost didn't pass. I don't do well with such general guidelines.
p.s. I think this might have been an art-type class. If so, I had a mean red-headed teacher who demanded we include Doctor in her title because "she worked hard for that title."
Have you ever had a bad teacher? I mean a really bad teacher? The kind of teacher that makes you upset because you are paying thousands of dollars to this institution that allows teachers like this to exist? I did. And this was the class. This old man was so horrible I was close to writing to the president of the school to complain. Then I thought about that extra work, and decided to just hate him in silence instead. This professor was 90 years old and admitted to the entire class on his first day that he hadn't taught this course since 1995. AWESOME! This was the year the 2010 Census was being conducted. So that's what we learned about. The first 5 minutes of class was spent listening to polka music (yes, polka music) and watching him do a little groove. The next 30 minutes were spent on figuring out how to work the projector, and then the next 15 minutes were spent going over the slides we went over last class. The final 10 minutes were spent "learning" something new. What made me the most upset? Is this guy noticed when I missed class and docked me points. (hence the B+) what a dick right?
Spring 2009. HIST 2710- United States 1877-Present. Grade: A
If you went to Utah State University, did you have the pleasure of having Ms. Denise Conover? If you did, you probably have a good idea of how this class went. This lady was from the South and had plenty of strong opinions about the government. Lucky for me, this was also the semester she had to get shoulder surgery so most of our classes were cancelled. This was also the class that Bart apparently had with me. ( I don't remember him...but Bart remembers me. According to him, "I looked mean").
In this class you NEVER had your phone out because this crazy lady would call you out and yell at you for a solid minute. If you looked down while she was giving some kind of announcement she freaked out until you told her you were just writing down the test date. Our grades were based on the roll that she passed around. Sign your name and chances are you'll get an A. I didn't do my final paper and I still got an A! The perfect class for a college Freshman.
Fall 2009. USU 1320-Civilization: Humanities. Grade: C-
Fall 2009 was a bad semester. It was my second semester and I was taking 6 classes. They were almost all USU courses AKA generals. The classes with 200 people and scantrons. My worst enemy. (I don't do well with multiple choice). I hadn't caught on to the importance of regularly attending class ( that realization would come after I got my report card..almost all C's). I honestly do not remember what class this was. I looked it up on USU's website and here is the description "Provides basic understanding of a broad range of themes, which cut across human history and continue to be important in contemporary society." No wonder I almost didn't pass. I don't do well with such general guidelines.
p.s. I think this might have been an art-type class. If so, I had a mean red-headed teacher who demanded we include Doctor in her title because "she worked hard for that title."
Day 106
I'm coming clean...I'm a cheater.
I took a bite out of a cupcake that was at work today
I had some salad with dressing that probably wasn't "allowed"
I have more dark chocolate than I should
I haven't been eating veggies with every meal
I forget to take my mid-day supplements
I'm not as bad ass as I use to be.
shhhhh don't tell.
I took a bite out of a cupcake that was at work today
I had some salad with dressing that probably wasn't "allowed"
I have more dark chocolate than I should
I haven't been eating veggies with every meal
I forget to take my mid-day supplements
I'm not as bad ass as I use to be.
shhhhh don't tell.
17.7.13
Help a Sista Out
Hey all! For my online class I had to create a Twitter account about a specific topic with a specific audience. I chose Hashimotos since Twitter was one of the first places I looked when I was diagnosed. Help a sister out and follow me! (My few tweets a day won't get in your way...I PROMISE) :)
https://twitter.com/HashimotosHelp
Just do it.
https://twitter.com/HashimotosHelp
Just do it.
16.7.13
Numbers
I ran across this article from Beauty Redefined and I continued to think about it all day. As most of you know, I'm not exactly a feminist, I don't think men are evil and I think women were meant to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. HA! That being said, I love this website and the mission these ladies have.
The main part of the article that got to me was the part where it said, what will happen when you reach your goal number? I thought about this because recently I met my "goal number" and guess what? Nothing has changed. I still have a husband who loves me and grabs my butt every chance he gets. I still have the same respect at work and I'm still wearing pretty much all my "old" clothes. People don't treat me differently. I don't all of a sudden have tons of friends. I still sit alone in Math class (by choice, shhh I'm focused!!) The ONLY thing that has changed in that regard is the number on the scale.
Yes I feel better and have more confidence, but why? Why are we so obsessed with numbers? Honestly it wasn't until recently, when I passed the 20 pound mark, that I even noticed a difference in my body. When I looked in the mirror I still saw a short girl with small boobs, hips and scars on her stomach with freckles and a tan. I don't know what I was expecting to see when I reached my "goal number" but I was surprised when it was my same body I see everyday reflected back at me.
So what's in a number? A pant size or two? More self worth? But why? How have we become so focused on a number? I now have a new "goal number" because that's just what we do right? We reach our goals, even exceed them, and immediately set new ones. I never dreamed of being down to the number I'm at, and yet, a smaller number is now in my mind....and I guess deep down I am hoping for a different result. Am I hoping to see someone else reflecting back? Am I hoping I look and it's a tall girl with long legs and smooth skin with no signs if growth & surgery? Or am I going to be happy with what I see? And what exactly is going to happen if I reach my new goal number? I'm going to guess: NOTHING. My life won't be any better, or any worse, if I lose 5 more pounds. That's the simple fact of it all. The number on the scale doesn't matter.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, well Megan, it's easy for you to say that because you've actually LOST the weight and achieved your goal number. Yes, I have, and honestly it's been a life changing experience...and that's why I feel like I'm able to say all of this. I've lived it. I didn't just lose 5 pounds for a weekend and then gain it back. I've lost more than 20 and multiple inches off my body. And I'll say it again: nothing has changed. We live in a world where nothing is good enough. Numbers are arbitrary. I'm not talking about obese adults who lose over 100 pounds and get their lives back. Obviously that's a different story. I'm talking to the majority of young adults who read my blog who are always searching for those last few pounds..who are always focused on the weight they want to lose. on the number they hope to achieve. To those of you reading I'll ask you the same question: how will your life be different if you make it to that number? Chances are, not much will change.
I'd like to think that through this journey I have come to understand my body and appreciate all that it does for me. But that little voice in the back of my head will still be there searching for someone it thinks should be there when the goal is reached.
The main part of the article that got to me was the part where it said, what will happen when you reach your goal number? I thought about this because recently I met my "goal number" and guess what? Nothing has changed. I still have a husband who loves me and grabs my butt every chance he gets. I still have the same respect at work and I'm still wearing pretty much all my "old" clothes. People don't treat me differently. I don't all of a sudden have tons of friends. I still sit alone in Math class (by choice, shhh I'm focused!!) The ONLY thing that has changed in that regard is the number on the scale.
Yes I feel better and have more confidence, but why? Why are we so obsessed with numbers? Honestly it wasn't until recently, when I passed the 20 pound mark, that I even noticed a difference in my body. When I looked in the mirror I still saw a short girl with small boobs, hips and scars on her stomach with freckles and a tan. I don't know what I was expecting to see when I reached my "goal number" but I was surprised when it was my same body I see everyday reflected back at me.
So what's in a number? A pant size or two? More self worth? But why? How have we become so focused on a number? I now have a new "goal number" because that's just what we do right? We reach our goals, even exceed them, and immediately set new ones. I never dreamed of being down to the number I'm at, and yet, a smaller number is now in my mind....and I guess deep down I am hoping for a different result. Am I hoping to see someone else reflecting back? Am I hoping I look and it's a tall girl with long legs and smooth skin with no signs if growth & surgery? Or am I going to be happy with what I see? And what exactly is going to happen if I reach my new goal number? I'm going to guess: NOTHING. My life won't be any better, or any worse, if I lose 5 more pounds. That's the simple fact of it all. The number on the scale doesn't matter.
I'm sure some of you are thinking, well Megan, it's easy for you to say that because you've actually LOST the weight and achieved your goal number. Yes, I have, and honestly it's been a life changing experience...and that's why I feel like I'm able to say all of this. I've lived it. I didn't just lose 5 pounds for a weekend and then gain it back. I've lost more than 20 and multiple inches off my body. And I'll say it again: nothing has changed. We live in a world where nothing is good enough. Numbers are arbitrary. I'm not talking about obese adults who lose over 100 pounds and get their lives back. Obviously that's a different story. I'm talking to the majority of young adults who read my blog who are always searching for those last few pounds..who are always focused on the weight they want to lose. on the number they hope to achieve. To those of you reading I'll ask you the same question: how will your life be different if you make it to that number? Chances are, not much will change.
I'd like to think that through this journey I have come to understand my body and appreciate all that it does for me. But that little voice in the back of my head will still be there searching for someone it thinks should be there when the goal is reached.
12.7.13
SPCH, FCHD & SOC
Going through the list of classes I have taken has brought back a ton of memories! This blogging series might be more fun than I thought.
I don't plan on doing these in order...where's the fun in that?
Spring 2010. SPCH 1020-Public Speaking. Grade: B+
Oh public speaking. I'm horrible at it. HORRIBLE. I remember taking the class with a friend who was great at it. He could get up there and entertain a crowd all day. The end result? He almost failed and I got a B+. Where's the justice in that? This class was taught by a student teacher so he was totally focused on us following all the rules and guidelines. Luckily for me he didn't care how good we were at actually speaking to our group...he just wanted us to follow the outlines and the rules. I am the bomb.com at following rules so it worked out. I don't even remember what my speeches were, I just remember them being horrible. This horribleness hasn't gotten better. You should hear me speak in church...unless you're totally in tune with your spiritual side, it's pretty bad.
Fall 2009. FCHD 1010- Balancing Work and Family. Grade: C+
I know what you're thinking...Meg, you got a C+ in FCHD? yes. yes I did. Just further proof I'm never meant to be the crafty mom that talks about looooove buckets and makes chore charts. This was my second semester of college and this class was as stupid as it sounds. We spent a whole section talking about the Love Bucket (Pronounced Luuuuuuu-ve Bucket). The idea is that everyone has a bucket. At the top of the bucket is where love should be coming in, and there is a small hole at the bottom of the bucket where love comes out. To be happy, you should be constantly filling this love bucket. (This is really technical stuff you guys...I understand if you don't quite get it..) All jokes aside, this is the ONLY thing I remember from this class, so I guess the old happy man with a santa beard got his point across.
Spring 2011. SOC 3420- Criminology. Grade: A
If I didn't go into journalism, I would have gone into criminology. This stuff was fascinating! Learning why criminals are criminals. Cool stuff. I still remember the main things people need in their lives and if they're missing too many of them, they are more likely to become a criminal. I don't remember the exact wording but I'll try to break it down for you.
People need someone to hold them accountable. If you don't have anyone in your life that would be disappointed in you (ie. parents that care), you're more likely to do disappointing things. You need something that's valuable. If you don't have a college to get kicked out of or a job to get fired from, you're more likely to do stupid stuff since you have "nothing to lose". You need to feel accepted. If you don't feel accepted you're more likely to hang around a group of people (ie. gangs) that are doing bad stuff just so you feel a part of something bigger than yourself. Makes sense right? There were a few more but I don't remember.
We were asked the question "is there a crime that is considered wrong everywhere in the world, and at all times?" This caused some conversation. people of course listed murder...but what about during war? Treason was an example...but what about the men who committed treason for The United States? I think Rape was the only one most of us could come to the agreement on...and even then it was iffy.
I remember another lesson where the professor had every one write down all the crimes they had ever committed (anonymously) and then read them to the class. It was a room full of thieves, liars, aggressors and robbers. A university course full of criminals.
This was one of my favorite classes and it made me want to continue to take more Sociology courses. (Before I transferred to the University of Utah I planned on minoring in Sociology).
I don't plan on doing these in order...where's the fun in that?
Spring 2010. SPCH 1020-Public Speaking. Grade: B+
Oh public speaking. I'm horrible at it. HORRIBLE. I remember taking the class with a friend who was great at it. He could get up there and entertain a crowd all day. The end result? He almost failed and I got a B+. Where's the justice in that? This class was taught by a student teacher so he was totally focused on us following all the rules and guidelines. Luckily for me he didn't care how good we were at actually speaking to our group...he just wanted us to follow the outlines and the rules. I am the bomb.com at following rules so it worked out. I don't even remember what my speeches were, I just remember them being horrible. This horribleness hasn't gotten better. You should hear me speak in church...unless you're totally in tune with your spiritual side, it's pretty bad.
Fall 2009. FCHD 1010- Balancing Work and Family. Grade: C+
I know what you're thinking...Meg, you got a C+ in FCHD? yes. yes I did. Just further proof I'm never meant to be the crafty mom that talks about looooove buckets and makes chore charts. This was my second semester of college and this class was as stupid as it sounds. We spent a whole section talking about the Love Bucket (Pronounced Luuuuuuu-ve Bucket). The idea is that everyone has a bucket. At the top of the bucket is where love should be coming in, and there is a small hole at the bottom of the bucket where love comes out. To be happy, you should be constantly filling this love bucket. (This is really technical stuff you guys...I understand if you don't quite get it..) All jokes aside, this is the ONLY thing I remember from this class, so I guess the old happy man with a santa beard got his point across.
Spring 2011. SOC 3420- Criminology. Grade: A
If I didn't go into journalism, I would have gone into criminology. This stuff was fascinating! Learning why criminals are criminals. Cool stuff. I still remember the main things people need in their lives and if they're missing too many of them, they are more likely to become a criminal. I don't remember the exact wording but I'll try to break it down for you.
People need someone to hold them accountable. If you don't have anyone in your life that would be disappointed in you (ie. parents that care), you're more likely to do disappointing things. You need something that's valuable. If you don't have a college to get kicked out of or a job to get fired from, you're more likely to do stupid stuff since you have "nothing to lose". You need to feel accepted. If you don't feel accepted you're more likely to hang around a group of people (ie. gangs) that are doing bad stuff just so you feel a part of something bigger than yourself. Makes sense right? There were a few more but I don't remember.
We were asked the question "is there a crime that is considered wrong everywhere in the world, and at all times?" This caused some conversation. people of course listed murder...but what about during war? Treason was an example...but what about the men who committed treason for The United States? I think Rape was the only one most of us could come to the agreement on...and even then it was iffy.
I remember another lesson where the professor had every one write down all the crimes they had ever committed (anonymously) and then read them to the class. It was a room full of thieves, liars, aggressors and robbers. A university course full of criminals.
This was one of my favorite classes and it made me want to continue to take more Sociology courses. (Before I transferred to the University of Utah I planned on minoring in Sociology).
11.7.13
122 Hours
122 Hours.
The number of hours I have worked at the end of 3 weeks (ish)
It is also the number of hours it takes to graduate college.
This is what is required for a bachelor degree at the University of Utah. I will graduate with 123.
I just signed up for my last 6 hours ( or two classes ) and it made me so happy! I have had to prolong this graduation thing thanks to a job offer I got last year, but I know the decisions I made were right.
I'll graduate in December with a year and a half experience in the exact job I was getting a degree for! Not many college graduates can say that.
122 Hours.
That number is deceiving. How can it take so long to get through a seemingly small number? I can't even begin to write down the things I have learned in those 122 hours...but I want to try! I am going to start an installment of things I've learned the past few years and throughout those 122 long hours.
...but not tonight. Because it's almost 9 p.m. which means it's almost my bedtime...
The number of hours I have worked at the end of 3 weeks (ish)
It is also the number of hours it takes to graduate college.
This is what is required for a bachelor degree at the University of Utah. I will graduate with 123.
I just signed up for my last 6 hours ( or two classes ) and it made me so happy! I have had to prolong this graduation thing thanks to a job offer I got last year, but I know the decisions I made were right.
I'll graduate in December with a year and a half experience in the exact job I was getting a degree for! Not many college graduates can say that.
122 Hours.
That number is deceiving. How can it take so long to get through a seemingly small number? I can't even begin to write down the things I have learned in those 122 hours...but I want to try! I am going to start an installment of things I've learned the past few years and throughout those 122 long hours.
...but not tonight. Because it's almost 9 p.m. which means it's almost my bedtime...
7.7.13
Day 94
94 Days into my Hashimotos treatment and here's an update
I have finally stopped losing weight. Grand total? 20 pounds! I also found some measurements from last November (before I reached my peak of heavy weight) and compared it to today's measurements. I've lost 5 1/2 inches off my waist and more than 5 inches off my legs. (plus inches off my hips, arms and chest). It's pretty cool to see the numbers side by side.
I am officially training for a 10K (and beyond) and I'm feeling great. I am able to see the improvements in my running and for once my body isn't holding me back
We have finished treating all of my gastrointestinal problems and we're on to the adrenal glands! The goal is to get them to start functioning at a normal rate and get my energy level back to where it should be.
My skin is still clear and beautiful. I don't feel the need to wear lots of makeup and I spent this weekend wearing none at all! Even my hated acne scars are fading. YAY!
He added potatoes back into my diet. I tried them and all seems to be fine, but I'm not really planning on eating them very often. Potatoes weren't something I missed very much.
Speaking of add-on's...here is a list of the things that have been added on to my diet since I started.
tomatoes
eggs
lean beef
shell fish
brown rice
pork
soy
cheese
Greek yogurt (plain)
peanuts
potatoes
corn (kernels...not chips or oil or any of the good stuff)
I have been a little less strict when it comes to what I eat...for the first 10 weeks I was extremely strict and didn't have anything that might have something I couldn't have. Now, if it generally fits the bill I'll have a bite. Not a good habit to get into I know, but some days I just need SOMETHING with flavor. At the end of 6 months I will be able to have a lot of the foods I want now, I just need to be patient.
Like I mentioned before, Bart is somewhat doing this diet with me (he added whole grains and dairy to his diet after a week of following mine). So we have been cooking dinner together and coming up with some great dinner ideas. It's all about variety!
Sometimes I wonder if all the worrying/obsessing about what I'm eating is worth it. Some days the answer is no, but most days the answer is yes.
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| last but not least, sometimes a bubble bath makes everything better. |
5.7.13
Fresh Food Grocery Shopping
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| Bart and I this past weekend in the 103 degree heat |
I have been kind of MIA in the blogging world. my bad! I haven't had tons to say, and I have had less time to say it! Things at work have been crazy busy and when I am home I just want to spend that time with Bart. Since he's home for the summer he needs a little lovin' when his sugar momma gets home :) I only have time now because he went to the store for some avocados so he can make a little guacamole.
Bart decided to join me in my quest of health (aka forced diet) last week. He's been struggling but he's doing a great job. This is the longest he has ever gone without Pepsi so that right there is a huge accomplishment. It's been fun to have him diet with me because he actually likes to cook so we have been trying a few new recipes that are Doctor approved! I told him he should have started this with me months ago and I don't think I would have been so hungry!
Grocery shopping is quite the interesting experience for me. It amazes me how many things I CAN'T have because I eat 100% fresh/non-processed foods. Basically the produce isle is my best friend!
Here are a few pictures of what a typical grocery store trip looks like.
Basically the things I buy on a weekly basis (assuming they are in season)
Bananas
Apples
Carrots
Sweet Potatoes
Yams
Strawberries
Raspberries
Grapes
Spaghetti Squash
Yellow Squash
Zuchinni
Green Beans
Red, Green and Yellow Peppers
Avacado
Spinach
Romaine Lettuce
Almonds
Chicken
Eggs
Almond Milk
I add to this list when we have new recipes to try, or when I run out of staples in my pantry like black beans and almond butter.
We tried out the local farmer's market last weekend and picked up a few things. There wasn't a ton of options, but it was fun to buy fresh local food and know you are supporting local growers!
Bottom line? If you are trying to incorporate this diet into your lifestyle plan on taking a few trips to the grocery store each week. I try to make sure to pick everything up, but things run out and you don't want to buy too much at once or it will go bad. I like to plan out our weekly menu and then go shopping. Also, don't forget about leftovers! I don't plan specific lunch ideas because I know we can just have left overs from the past couple nights. It adds a little variety into your day. I will do a future post on a few of my favorite go-to snacks and quick meals.
Last piece of advice. Experiment! As I have mentioned before...not all recipes work, but it's still worth a shot! This week we made Cabbage Wraps and those puppies just had ZERO flavor. Not only that, they were a pain to make. Definitely not attempting that one again. A new favorite of mine is a mushroom/onion mixture on top of Spaghetti squash! Courtesy of my mother, it is delish! ( I will have to post recipes later...)
~ live happy, be healthy~
Cuddles in a Thunderstorm
Nothing like a 1:30 a.m. thunderstorm to make you realize just how much of a kid you still are..
Last night I woke up to thunder, lightning and rain pounding on our window so I did what any normal person would do...snuggled right up to my bed partner and held on tight! I don't think anyone really gets over it..do they?
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