Angry prayers

Sleep. 

It's an interesting thing. It's part of our daily lives. We don't realize just how much we need it until we aren't getting any. 

I have not slept well the past 8 weeks. I guess it's even longer than that since pregnancy sleep is kind of a joke

But the past 2 months have been a totally different ball game. The first few weeks I probably averaged a few 1-1.5 hour naps a night. Then we increased it to 2 three hour stretches. Even when my daughter sleeps 5-6-7 hours mommy sleeps maybe 4. 

It's exhausting. 

When I do get the chance to go to bed early (because my wonderful husband is taking care of things) I can't fall asleep. My mind wanders to tomorrow or next week or a month from now. It thinks about my baby and what she might need. It replays the many hours of television I have watched because I'm so freakin bored. 

If I do fall asleep I will usually wake up just a few hours later with the idea that it's time to pump. Even though my baby is sleeping. I've officially decided that isn't happening anymore. I'm only going to pump when she gets up to eat. 1 wake up call for the both of us. 

I angry prayed last night. So tired and ready for sleep I told myself "screw everything and my milk supply and just let me sleep for a few @&$&?/@ hours. " there were tears and frustration and lack of faith that anyone was listening (how hard could it be to help me sleep???))

Well I got a 6ish hour stretch of sleep and now it's 3:30am. My baby is fed and back to sleep, I'm pumping away and saying a less angry prayer. 

Hi Baby: Your blessing day

Hi baby,

Today was a very special day for you and our family! Dad gave you a priesthood blessing and it was beautiful. You had so much family there to support you and I was overwhelmed by the love that you have brought into our lives. It's amazing what a little baby does to a family. Your spirit and personality brings a smile to everyone's face.

I haven't been very good at documenting special days, but I really wanted to get a picture of you with all the men that were there today. Isn't it a beautiful picture? (you clearly weren't happy about it...but you're still pretty cute) I hope you come to realize one day just how incredible it is to have so many great men to look up to.

The world is full of bad men baby girl, but your world isn't. Your world is full of men who love and respect the women in their lives. Men who adore their children and work hard to support them. Men who are kind, honest, funny and intelligent. Men who understand the value and blessing of family and the gospel. Men who hold and honor their Priesthood and bless others' lives because of it. You have grandfathers, great grandfathers, uncles, cousins and a dad who will always be there for you. I hope you look up to them and have a relationship with each and every one.



xoxo
Mom

Baby Obsession

I'm obsessed with my baby.

Look at my phone and you would wonder if I had a husband or a hobby or anything else going on in my life. Which, let's be honest....I don't (except the husband thing...I do have one of those).

When you are with something (someone) for 24 hours a day, it makes sense that all you have to talk about, take pictures of and think about is that something (someone).

Even when she is napping I am thinking about her. I look at videos and pictures I have taken and can't wait until she wakes up again. She is getting more and more aware of what is going on and even followed Bart around our room the whole time he was getting ready yesterday. It's so much fun to see more life and personality in those eyes!

Throwback Thursday: Beautiful People & Phobias

Beautiful People and Phobias
July 20, 2010

So maybe I am not the only one with this problem but when a really beautiful person comes into my work,(and by person I mean guy/man) I get kind of intimidated. (and by kind of I mean I do.) I don't know what it is because it's not like these super hot guys mean anything to me (nor do I want them to) but when one comes in I can't relax. The whole time I am doing the hair cut I have absolutely nothing to say, which doesn't happen very often, and I am kinda nervous the whole time. (again, "kinda" means I definitely am.)  Maybe it is because I don't fall into the "Beautiful People" category and that is why I have such a hard time. Whatever the reason I feel stupid because I know these people are no better than I am or anyone else I cut hair for but for some reason I get all anxious and self conscious....does my hair look okay?


I would now like to take a minute and talk about an issue that apparently many have a problem with. I would say it's not you, it's me, but it's not me at all. It is a little thing I like to call MERGING. Apparently people don't quite know how to approach this because as I was stuck in traffic for TWO HOURS Saturday I had the opportunity to deal with idiots the entire time that would drive to the end of the lane that was closing and then scootch their way in at the very front of the line. I cant explain to you in words how much I wanted those cars to spontaneously combust right in front of my eyes with the drivers very much still inside. If you notice that the lane you are not currently in is at a standstill and that all of the cars in front of you are merging into said slow lane then maybe that is a good indication to you that you should be trying to do the same thing because I promise these drivers ahead of you are not moving into this crowded lane just for the heck of it. We all hate construction and we all have places to be so stop being a little %$@#, be polite, and merge with everyone else.


So I have been reading this book on anxiety and phobias (long story for another time) and I am here to say, Hi, my name is Megan, and I have a phobia of dogs. (Dog-a-phobe?) I am proud to announce my hatred slash fear of dogs is legit and can be traced back to my childhood and by avoiding dogs I am feeding into my phobia and making it worse.....the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem...right?   (and yes, I still hate your dog)

Don't have a baby during football season

One of the hardest things about having a new baby is how it has changed my marriage. The first few weeks it wasn't that I was so focused on Macs that I didn't notice Bart, it was the opposite. I missed him and needed him more than ever. I missed our countless hours of just us: hanging out at home, making dinner, watching TV, talking and joking. Just us. We don't have a lot of couple friends and we aren't super social because we just prefer to be home with our best friend. I missed my best friend almost immediately.

It didn't help that our baby came at the start of football season. Every year my best friend becomes very very busy and I don't see him much. In the past it hasn't bothered me and I have enjoyed my alone time to binge watch TV shows he refuses to watch and focus on myself. This football season has been a totally different ball game (see what I did there?). I hate football season this year. I hate having my husband gone for 12+ hours a day 5 days a week. I hate how exhausted he feels at the end of every day and I hate how weekends are no longer a chance for him to relax. I hate that I can't make him dinner every night and focus completely on his needs like I could before. I hate feeling like a single parent and that he only gets to see his daughter for a few hours (maybe) every day.

I am so incredibly blessed to have Bart as a husband. He has been so patient with me as we figure out this new chapter in our lives. Most days he doesn't let his exhaustion come first. On weekends he wants (and needs) to get a few extra hours of sleep, but gets up with the baby anyway because I ask him to. He is one of the most selfless people I know and I am so lucky to have his help and love.

It's so hard to have to switch your focus from your husband to your baby. At least it is for me. I give 100% of myself to my little girl every day, I have a hard time finding anything left for the love of my life. I hope things soon balance out, and I am going to sing praises and throw a huge celebration the day football season is over because that means I get my husband back and Macs gets her daddy!

Being a wife has never been hard for me before, but I find myself struggling with the juggle that is the mom and wife life. Thank goodness our life together has really just begun.

(and now we know...NO HAVING BABIES DURING FOOTBALL SEASON)

Throwback Thursday: Sept, 2010

I'm starting a new version of Throwback Thursday here on the blog...I will be re-posting a blog post for all y'all who are sick of hearing about motherhood and my baby (which better be like TWO of you because let's be honest...that's my life now so.... GET OVER IT)

Anywho....this gem is from September 2010 when I was still a student and a hairstylist and my man finally "put a ring on it"....enjoy :)  

(here are a few pics from that week too....so cute!! amiright???)

Rules Football & Pedicures 

September 25, 2010

Rule #9
Stop bringing your screaming,pouting,sticky, slobbery child into get a hair cut and then complain that we charge the same amount for a 2 year old as we do a 10 year old. Your child makes me risk my fingers because it moves so much. I dont know if I will end up cutting hair or flesh. And no, it can not have a sucker when we are all done if it has been screaming the whole time. I dont award little &%$@s

Rule #15
Do NOT tell me how to do my job. Do NOT tell me how to hold my comb. I have been doing this long enough I promise I know what I am doing and your hair is going to turn out great so stop talking about how everyone else has messed it up because unless that was me, I dont care.

Rule #24
I don't quite understand what you mean when I ask if you want gel and you say "ya, just a little".....so you only want the front half to have gel and the rest to not? Don't get it. If you say you want gel just let me put in the amount you need to make sure you dont leave looking like a fool


Side Note:
I am sorry it only takes me 10 minutes to do a men's cut. No I am not rushing, no I am not just trying to get to the next person. After doing 3208643 of the same hair cut it just doesnt take me that long. (because admit it guys, as much as you like to think you have a unique cut, you dont.) Just be happy you dont have to spend an hour in the salon and that it looks great okay?

...

I hate group projects. I hate over achievers in group projects. I hate people in group projects who make everything 3435 times harder than it has to be. We can get a good grade without having to spend 67 hours on it I promise. Also, no I will not miss another class for this group project. My other classes are important too and just because YOU can't meet at any regular time doesn't mean everyone can cater to your needs. I don't understand why teachers think group projects are a good idea. At least give us a choice so those people who want to do it as a group can and those of us who hate group projects and can do a great job on our own have that option too.

I know I may not survive the day if I write what I am about to write next but I think I will risk it. I am officially sick of football season. I go to 3 games a week if the Aggies have a home game and I am just here to tell you that no one has a body that enjoys sitting in bleachers for 3 hours 3 times a week. I love the Aggies and I love Mt Crest and Bart's team....I just have a love-hate relationship with the sport right now

...

On a side note; I am going to breakfast this morning which is going to be awesome because I never get to go to breakfast. I am also going to the Bridal Fair up on campus later today because, well, I am getting married and havent planned a single thing and I want to win a free ice sculpture. And I also hopefully get to have a pedicure today as well which is amazing in so many ways. It is going to be a fun day!

Keeping a Baby Alive

Bart and I have a new running joke. It goes like this:

Bart comes home from work and says,
 "what did you DO all day"

to which I reply,

"Absolutely nothing...and yet once again the day is over"

Let me break down my day for you...because I know you're curious. Sometimes a few things are different. The chore I choose to do might change, or we have a different errand to run or a visitor come over, but for the most part this is what my day looks like:

1am

Wake up and pump. Macs is sleeping through this feeding now so I hook up for 15 min and head back to bed

4am

Sweet cheeks wakes up and guzzles milk like she hasn't eaten in DAYS!! then passes out...this feeding use to take an hour to get her back down, but is now down to about 20 minutes

4:25am 

Crawl back into bed 

5:45am

Wake up and pump (just call me mama cow)

6am

Wake up macs for her first feeding of the day. Even though it's early now, it's the time of day I want to feed her when I get back to work so we are starting the routine now

6:30-6:45am

Passed out baby goes right back to sleep. Kiss Bart goodbye, grab his butt and crawl back into bed

8-8:45am

Depending on how tired I am I wake up between now and pump (again)...maybe make me some oatmeal but probably not. Clean pumping parts and make a new bottle 

9am 

Time to feed the little piglet. We go downstairs, open all the shades and enjoy some morning sun with a side of liquid gold. I watch my show (usually only the fist 15 min or so) and play with the babes. 

10-11am

Depending on the day macs either goes right back down for a nap or hangs out until 10:30-11ish. This is where bath time happens and maybe even a walk or run if everything goes smoothly. Hopefully I have eaten breakfast by now

11am-12pm

Pump again!! During her nap I might do a load of laundry or do the dishes....or not. 

12pm

Lunch time! (For the baby...mama doesn't eat as regularly as she does) 

1pm-3pm

Usually her best nap of the day. I either snooze a little, finish a few chores and hopefully get some lunch. If we didn't take a morning walk I'll take the sleepy baby out for a walk. And of course I pump....(are you sensing a pattern?!??)

3pm 

Second lunch for my hungry little hippo. Sometimes she likes to be awake, and sometimes she just goes right back down for a nap

4-5:30pm

Decide if I'm making dinner tonight and maybe do a chore or two....get one more pump session in before Bart gets home 

6pm

Dad's home!!! And baby is hungry. We hang out as a family, watch tv and relax

7-9pm

This is her witching hour. Sometimes she stays awake the entire time, sometimes she will snooze for 30-40min. This is her fussiest time of day but she still hardly cries. Bart plays with her and I cuddle her when she is grouchy. I also play mama cow and pump again

9-9:30pm

Daddy usually handles this feeding while I go to bed and wait for it to all start over again

McKenzie is still at the young baby eat, sleep, poop stage. When she is awake we talk and sing and she stares at the black lamp against the white walls. we have tummy time and she squeaks and squeals. These moments just don't last very long before she is tired so there really isn't much mommy-teaching-moments happening. I'm looking forward to the longer wake times where we can play. 

I have worked hard to make sure we do a schedule and she learns to fall asleep on her own. It's been pretty fabulous and she is now sleeping 6 hours, wakes up for a 20 min snack and sleeps for another 2. The day I can stop pumping and sleep that long too will be a day of celebration! She is also able to fall asleep on her own for naps, and seems to prefer her crib over my arms when she gets tired. No complaints here!

So what do I do all day?? Honestly...it doesn't feel like much, and I get bored sometimes (okay more than sometimes) but I am loving on my baby and keeping a human alive which is more than some people can say :)

Big fishy mercies

In Sunday school yesterday the lesson was on Jonah. We all know the story. A prophet gets swallowed by a whale because he tries to run away from God. 

Right? 

I learned a little more of the details. First, Jonah was called to preach to some really bad dudes. Very violent and scary dudes. It's like today's equivalent of being asked to go convert  ISIS. You're pretty much guaranteed to be killed (or so it seems) 

Next, while he was on the boat running away there was a big storm. The other guys on the boat asked Jonah who he was and Jonah admitted this storm was probably his fault. He told them to throw him overboard so they would all survive. 

So they did. And then what?

17 ¶Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah

Jonah 1:17

I don't know about you but I always kind of saw that as a punishment. You try to run away from God? HA! Good one. He will just have you swallowed by a whale.

 I think the lesson I learned before was that 

1. God doesn't ask you to do things if you can handle them 

and 

B. He can always find you so don't run. 

Well a guy in class had the coolest comment. He said that by Jonah being asked to be thrown overboard he was essentially committing suicide. He assumed he wouldn't survive those waters. Instead of looking at the big fish as punishment, look at it as the way The Lord saved Jonah's life! 

Woah. 

How cool is that?? 

That whale was actually a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father who wanted to give Jonah the chance to repent and try again. He wanted to help (and humble) Jonah by letting him witness that miracle. 

Maybe you all have thought of this before, but it totally blew our minds! 

One Month

McKenzie Scott Bowen - 1 Month Update 

Loves:

• Looking out the windows 
• Her binki
• Warm water/bath time 
• To be swaddled
• Walks in her car seat/stroller
• Naps in her car seat 
• Cuddling with daddy

Hates:

• Being cold after-bath time
• Her diaper changed if she's hungry (FOOD FIRST MOM!!!) 
• Passing gas

Fun Facts:

• She gets the hiccups every day
• Squeaky little sleeper (can't use the baby monitor or you'd think she never slept! Learned early that she will wake us up just fine without one)
• She has head control like a boss!
• Doesn't really cry once her needs have been met. She has been such a good tempered baby I'm just waiting for that to end...but maybe it won't?
• Has met all of her grandparents and 3 of her 6 great-grandparents 
• Still fits in her newborn clothes. Daddy says she is getting chubby...but she still seems pretty little to me

The last few days I have really noticed a difference in her behavior and she seems much more aware of what is going on. She is getting more and more baby-sound vocal and makes the cutest noises in the world.

To say this has been the best month of my life would be a lie I hope no mother feels pressured to tell. But I learned long before my angel got here that the hardest things are the most rewarding, and she is by far my hardest thing ;) 

To say I can't imagine my life without her would also be a lie. I can imagine it, and it's a depressing world with less love attached and not much meaning. I can imagine it, and there is nothing I would want less. 

Hi baby: Sleepy Prayers

Hi baby, 

It's 1:45 am and I'm sitting in your nursery listening to you grunt like a little piggy. You aren't awake, but I had to pump. So even though you have been sleeping since 9:30pm I don't get to enjoy those uninterrupted hours like you do. Still, mommy has come to enjoy being able to sleep 4 hours at a time at night before duty calls and it's pretty great! 

Last night you slept 9pm-4am. 7 hours!! I couldn't belive it and rushed to your side when I woke up at 4 to make sure you were OK. (You were)

I know you won't sleep like this every night, but I will take what I can get when I can! 

I just want you to know that I believe we have a loving Heavenly Father looking out for us. I have experienced his love and help throughout my life, and becoming a mother has only increased those experiences. 

Earlier this week I was awake with you in the middle of the night. You sleep for a 4 hour stretch but then it takes sometimes 2 hours to get you to fall back asleep. The lights are off, I don't really talk to you, but your bright eyes stay open. I was getting really frustrated because I was so tired. I said a little prayer for patience and help. The thought comes to mind that maybe you aren't getting enough food. So the next day I fill your bottle with 6oz instead of the usual 3. You drink 5 of them and pass out for your next nap. 

Throughout the day you eat an average of 4oz and go down for naps within 30-40 minutes of waking up. I realized you have just been hungry! Since you weren't crying or fussy (at all) after feedings I had just assumed you were full. (Silly mom) 

It might seem like such a simple experience, but it has made our days (and nights) 100% different and I know that thought didn't pop into my head on my own. 

There is Someone out there who loves you, who listens to you and who watches out for you. I know it and I hope one day you can come to know it too. 

I love you

Xoxo

Mom 

August 5, 2014: Delivery Day!

Tuesday August 5 started out as a typical day. I woke up, went to work and was uncomfortable for the entire morning. Since Friday I had been having what I figured were contractions but since they were so sporadic I guessed they were Braxton hicks. 

I headed to my last doctor appointment before her scheduled due date (Friday August 8). I had been having that pain all day and my OB could tell I was pretty miserable. She hooked me up to a machine and checked to see if my pain was associated with contractions. Next thing I know she is calling the hospital saying we need to schedule a c section and soon. She came in and told me we were having a baby tonight!! 

I called Bart who was at a teacher trainer meeting and told him to come get me. My contractions were too close together to drive home myself. Once we got home we had about 2ish hours before we were scheduled to be at the hospital. In between contractions I took a shower, finished packing my bag and changed out the laundry. Bart did the dishes and got his bag together. I was planning on having three whole days to get errands and chores done before this babe came! We had no groceries and a hamper full of dirty laundry. Oh well! Time for baby.

Bart talks, jokes and takes selfies when he's excited/nervous

My contractions were pretty close together as we got to the hospital. I would grab Bart's hand and double over, waiting for it to stop. He was talking and cracking jokes the entire time, which is what he does when he gets nervous and/or excited. We get to the hospital and checked in around 4:45. I get undressed and into bed, breaking Bart's hand every 4-5 minutes. The anesthesiologist came in to chat before surgery and was thinking of giving me an epidural while we waited for my OB to get there. As soon as she said it my doctor arrived. Forget the epidural, let's get to surgery!

because NOT getting a picture of a contraction would have been a wasted memory

Bart is given a full body suit and mask (to which he cracks a few jokes) and I get wheeled in. The spinal tap was one of my biggest worries so I nervously talked through the entire thing: about elephants. I read a short story about them and sounded like a total nerd. It worked though. Before I knew it it was over and I started feeling tingly all over. I stared giggling like I do hooked up to laughing gas. Luckily for everyone that only lasted a few minutes.

another excited/nervous selfie

waiting to get the spinal...VERY nervous

Next thing I know they lay me down, drape me and made sure I couldn't feel anything (I couldn't). Bart was given permission to watch so with one hand he held mine and the other he snapped pictures and watched. I asked him a few questions but didn't chat too much. I remember my doctor saying "she's really up there" and "there's no way this baby was going to turn" etc. they had to yank her little head out of her hiding spot and finally at 6:08pm McKenzie was here! I heard a "big baby! How did she fit in you?" But no crying. I kept asking if she was ok and then finally heard that sweet sound. I started crying and had to watch from a distance as they cleaned her and examined her.

7 lb 15 oz

She screamed her little head off and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. Bart was able to get up and watch  and finally got to hold her. About 10-14 minutes after she was born he finally brought her over to me to see. He held her close to my face and the nice doc took some pictures. Once they trusted that I was coherent enough to not drop her, I got to hold her! I don't even remember the emotions I was feeling, but if I had to guess I'm sure it was all of them.

proud papa!

seeing my baby's face for the first time

birth: the only time parents love to hear their baby scream

They wheeled me back and my parents and Bart's mom were there waiting for us. Our bright eyes beauty was finally here! 7 lb 15 oz and 20 inches long. Bart was absolutely in love with her from the moment he saw her. I could see their bond right away and it was such a comfort knowing I didn't have to take care of this little pink thing alone!

 From the time I heard "you're having a baby today" to actually having my baby...it was about 3 hours. It was a crazy experience to feel the contractions of labor, but then have a c-section delivery. There's nothing I would have changed about that day. Things went so smoothly and my baby girl came into this world as healthy as could be.