S%&@ Bart Says

This is the first installment of S@%# that Bart Says:


B "What did you ever do without me?"

M "Take care of myself...?"

B "How? It's kind of a two person job."

M "What are you and your mom doing?"

B "Swapping recipes"

B "Don't sass me Meg." 

B "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a Bart, make what you can and be thankful you didn't get more lemons." 

B "Babe, you need to do a good job keeping me out of jail in the future."
M "Why?"

B "Because I am not very good at holding onto the soap."

B "I noticed some shoes you put in the box to throw away were still in pretty good condition."

M "Does that mean I can keep them!?"

B "No."

B "Do you know how to read a tape measure?"

M "Yes Bart."

B " I'm just making sure, I don't really know what you can do."

(On the drive home from our Honeymoon)

B "I am so glad we saw another Utah State Car. That's the best thing that has happened on this whole trip."

(After combining bank accounts)

B  "Now I know I am committed to you, you have access to all my money."

M "You don't have any money."

B  "Oh yeah..."

B " At some point today you are going to realize you have married a great man, at that point, anything is possible."

B "What are you going to do when I die? The Relief Society isn't going to bring you food forever."

B "You are clingy."

M "No I'm not!
B "Yes you are, you are like clothes right out of the dryer without a Bounce sheet."

B "You not letting me see that movie is like me not letting you buy shoes."

M "But you don't let me buy shoes."

B "Oh yeah."