45 minute playtime

Ya know when you go to the grocery store hungry and emotional and buy $50 worth of stuff you wouldn't normally buy? Chips, ice cream (cashew butter ice cream is SO GOOD) gummy bears, chocolate, goldfish... No? That's just me? I doubt it. 

But after stuffing my face with whatever the H I wanted, I now just want to throw it all away. Nothing like a good emotional eat to get you back on track- right? 

Kenz and I had a good day today. She found a container of random baby items. Bottles, a rattle, a few bags, etc and it entertained her for 45 MINUTES! And I didn't have to get down and play with her. It was awesome. I stayed on the chair and just chatted with her as she played. It was like 60% playing independently which is more than she usually does these days. She's so funny and smart I could watch her for days. I was going to turn the TV on but stopped myself. Sometimes (most times) it's just good to be together in the same room without that stupid distraction. Curious George didn't even make it into our day until her 1 episode before dinner. I'm pretty proud of myself for that one. I can't promise it will happen again tomorrow, but at least it happened today. 

This week I'm really trying to focus on being a good example to her and being patient. I find myself saying "don't yell" in a too-loud of voice or grabbing her hand hard after she was just mean to me. I'm not perfect- but I'm trying every day to control my patience and temper with her. Luckily at the end of the day she always likes me and will snuggle and tell me she loves me. Little kids are just the best like that. 

Here are a few pics. Toward the end she wanted to take pictures of everything. Her Dog. Her bottle. Her blanket. I only aim to please as she yells CHEESE! 

Parades, candy and mom feels

We went to Mckenzie's first parade today down in Lehi. It was so fun! The weather was perfect. As the first band came down the street I watched her watch with her big beautiful blue eyes and I started crying. It was 80% pregnancy hormones and 20% mama feels. 

She danced to the music and even scored a few pieces of candy. Speaking of candy- can we talk about the ridiculousness of candy at parades? Kids are bringing their trick or treat bags out to the road. Is cute when they're 4. But past 8- maybe don't mow down the other kids to get to that ONE piece of taffy. And speaking of mowing down- a bully toddler boy kept shoving and pushing Mckenzie today and I was so irritated. I try not to intervene, but Mckenzie gets so confused when kids are mean to her. It's so sad to watch. So instead of kicking that kid to the middle of the street and watching him get run over by a horse and buggy, we moved spots and all was well. 

I've said it a million times, but I really love seeing her grow and experience new things. She will be 2 in six short weeks and every day is a wild card. 

We had a really fun day today, but the last hour before bed was spent in an emotional bubble screaming and crying. All I could do was hold her while she screamed and eventually calmed down. Let's just say she ended up in bed an hour early tonight. Sleepy toddlers are NOT angel babies. But that's why I love bedtime. Because there is a new day when everyone wakes up. 

Hi baby boy: 20 weeks

Hi my sweet baby boy,

I can't believe it's been more than 2 years since I wrote a 20-week note to your big sister. I remember being so consumed with pregnancy and the unknown. It's been different this time with you. I know more. I understand more. I'm at much more peace with everything. I also know we're only halfway there and this next half is going to drag on. And that's OK. I'm excited for you to join our family, but I'm also trying to enjoy every single second I have with your sister. So I can wait for your arrival. 

We had your anatomy check up this week and everything looks good. Your heart and brain are developing right on track and you are a whopping 12oz! I saw your belly and your tiny hands and feet. I don't feel you very often- yet. And I'm really excited for when you become part of my everyday. There's nothing like feeling a child move inside your belly- and I miss you when I don't feel you for a few days! But starting next week I'll be feeling you all day everyday. My favorite. 

I want you to know how excited your dad and I are about having you join our family. We love you already, and can't wait to see your personality. Will you be a crazy goofball like Mckenzie? Or will you be a mellow dude? Either way- you'll make the perfect addition to our family. 

So stay strong and keep growing my son, I love you. 

Xoxo 

Mom 

2 Cents: Don't Use the Word 'Fat' in Front of My Daughter

This was the article we talked about on GTU this morning and even though I'm not a Kardashian fan, I am a fan of this conversation.

Obviously living a healthy lifestyle is really important to me. Eating right and exercising is something Bart and I have created in our marriage and it's something I plan to teach my children. But Bart and I do not talk about Mckenzie's size in front of her. Every once in a while me or Bart will slip and say something like "my chubby baby is thinning out" or (especially when she was a little circle) "how's my chubby baby?", etc. Just a few months ago I asked Bart (not in front of her) "is Mckenzie chubby for her age?" (NO!). And each time one of us slip, the other is good about saying "don't say that". It's not the talking I'm against, it's the words we are using.

I think it's a natural fear for parents in my generation to be concerned about their child's size. Every other news health story is about how obese children are getting. And I think it makes us all nervous. Will my kid be one of them? Is it something I can control? The short answer, I believe, is yes, parents have almost complete control outside of genetics about their child's weight and health. But I don't think it's a conversation or worry we should be saying in front of our children.

The conversation we should be having with our kids is why we eat real food, and why you see mom and dad going to the gym and exercising every day. And when we do have that conversation with our child, it's not using the word fat.

Bart and I aren't perfect. Both of us have said something like "I feel fat" or "do I look fat?" in front of Mckenzie, and it's something we need to be better at. It's hard to remember there is now a little person hearing- and repeating- everything we say. Every child grows up thinking mom and dad are beautiful and powerful and perfect just the way they are. It's not until they start hearing their parents bash themselves, that they start to question what's "wrong".

So while I want to be open about body image, and talk to my girls about how to be healthy and happy, I won't be bashing my own body at the same time. I want to be an example of confidence and happiness. Because our bodies are amazing- no matter what size we are.

And now we'll end with a FB memory flash back from a year ago. Baby Kenz and her baby cousin Snow. xoxo

The difference 6 pounds makes

Weight on a scale. What a stupid and arbitrary number.

Yesterday I had my 20 week check up and the scale at my OB's office said I was 6 POUNDS more than my scale at home. What the heck?? I know I didn't gain 6 pounds in 5 hours. Obviously it's just a different scale (which is why people recommend you only weigh yourself on the same scale every time) 

So why did that number bother me so bad? Why did I go home feeling a little down, and eat a whole pint of ice cream because I was in a "screw it" mood? (other than that ice cream is just sooooo good) Why did I wake up this morning feeling a little less confident about how I look? (even though my scale at home still says the number it did yesterday) 

I don't look different. I didn't gain any extra weight. But it's that dang NUMBER that messes with your mind. Why?

I've talked about this before, but on the other end of the spectrum after losing 25 pounds. And I still have the same thing to say: the number on the scale doesn't matter. I still fit into the same clothes I fit in to last week. I look the same. Obviously that is going to change since I'm pregnant, but that's not the point of this post. 

My point is- I shouldn't feel any different when the scale reads XXX or YYY.

My other point- I'm going to stop looking at my OB's scale. Because it's only going up from here- and until I see a number I'm 1000% OK with that! #babyonboard 

2 Cents: Hurry Up, No, and I'm Sorry

We talked about THIS ARTICLE today on Good Things Utah and I loved it!

I've really made an effort to let Mckenzie be Mckenzie- even when it's inconvenient for me.

You want to bring 4 stuffed animals with you in the car today? 

OK

You want to stop here, unload your wagon and hang out? OK

You're bringing a pile of your dirty laundry out on our walk?

OK

You want to eat your lunch outside on the porch? 

OK

You want to eat all the stale hamburger buns at once? OK

You want to put your own shoes on even though we're 5 minutes late? 

OK

You want to dance around in the middle of the store because I fun song comes on? 

OK- I'll join you.

You want to wear your dress over your clothes on our trip to Target? Get it girl.

Usually when I'm rushing out the door and she is stalling I'm irritated and tell her "come on, let's go!" but she always has a very reasonable thought process as to why she's being slow. She's looking for her hat. She wants to bring her OTHER blanket. She is finding her shoes.

I've had to slow down and realize my child has her very own thoughts. She is learning how to process reason and I need to treat her thoughts as valid as I would treat Bart's.

Obviously there's some restriction. You want a second popsicle? No. You don't want to get dressed this morning? Too bad (Usually- there have been a few times where it's so traumatizing to her to get dressed, but not very often)

I believe in boundaries and rules and in saying no. But I also don't think I need to say no to every unconventional thing she wants.

From the very beginning I could tell she was going to have a BIG personality. A friendly personality, and a personality I LOVED. I made a promise to myself that I would never apologize for her, for just being her.

She walks up to a different mom at the library and tries to sit on her lap to read a book (yes, this happens). I say something to that mom, but I don't ever say "sorry". Why would I? She isn't doing anything wrong.

I don't want my daughter growing up hearing her mom say to others "Sorry about her, she's just really friendly." or "Sorry! She just loves other people". Are those things bad? Are those things I want to change about her? Never. I'll apologize if she hits your kid (and then make her say sorry too) or if she breaks something. But I'm not going to say sorry just because she's braver than both of us.

Good shirt mojo

My FB memories popped up THIS blog post and what are the chances I'm wearing that exact same shirt today? My baby bump is much smaller- but I figured it was a sign of good mojo today.

I got sucked into the black hole of old blog posts and it's been fun to re-read. I've only written 9 posts in 2016. Whoops! I really can't explain it. I know blogs are pretty much out of style, but I never wrote for a big audience anyway so that doesn't really matter to me. I want to be better at documenting my thoughts and motherhood so be prepared for some rusty posts coming your way.

Her typical weird quirk of bringing 3029834 with us on our walks

Summer is in full swing at the Bowen house and we LOVE having Bart home. He coaches a few hours in the morning, and then he's home with us. He still leaves for a few days at a time for football camps, but for the most part he is home. I can't explain to all of you how great of a man Bart is. In church yesterday we talked about "true greatness" and I couldn't stop thinking of the man I married. He has chosen to take on such an active role as father and husband and treats me like a complete equal. He is the sweetest and best dad to Mckenzie and every morning as they leave the house I can't help but get emotional at the love I feel for both of them. Seeing your strong, tough husband hold your baby daughter's hand out to the car is the sweetest view.

DIY pouring station = a huge hit

Mckenzie started swim lessons last week and she is like a fish in the water. She has NO fear and we've spent almost every day at our clubhouse pool. She only stays in the toddler pool for a few minutes before she wants to go play in the big pool. The swim lesson is pretty laid back and she is slowly starting to learn how to blow bubbles and float on her back. We also discovered this amazing splash pad close to our house and love to go there too. It's nice because I don't have to be attached to her hip at the splash pad. My love language is STILL independence.

Saying "CHEESE"! 

Speaking of independence, Macs has been shifting a little bit at nap time and bedtime and the last week I've had to rock her to sleep! I haven't done that since she was maybe 4 months old. If I do lay her down still wide awake she wants to hold my hand as she falls asleep. My guess is she's just more aware of the dark and being alone. It's the sweetest thing and I don't mind at all. It's funny, because when she was a baby I was really strict about her sleep habits and any kind of "help" because I didn't want to create bad habits. So I didn't do a lot of rocking to sleep or extra attention. And it worked for us, and she thrived. Now that she's older and changing, I don't mind giving her that extra snuggle time if that is what she needs. Plus I'm taking advantage of every single moment with her before her brother gets here! I rock her for a few extra minutes, or read her a few extra books because I know our alone time together is so precious. I've really loved this stage, and this extra-attachment phase she's in just adds to that love.

That's all for today- if you're bored- go see how good your candy skills are with this post: 

It's a Boy!

We're having a baby boy! I'm so excited. That has been my guess all along and it was so fun to get it confirmed today. A BOY! I can't stop smiling about it. I mean, I can't stop smiling about a new baby in general, but there's something about knowing the gender that takes everything to the next level. Now I can call it him and think of it as a little boy, not just a baby. Bart is thrilled of course and one of his first comments about it- "what if he doesn't like sports??" I told him his daughter knows more football signs than most adults, I don't think it's going to be an issue with his children.

Minus the fact that I got a cold this past weekend, I have been feeling really great. I've felt him move a few times, and I'm excited to have that be a regular thing again. I've been able to keep up on my exercise routine and my cravings have calmed waaaay down. I'm back to eating normal food cooked up in our kitchen. No more daily fast-food craziness. Plus, I slept AMAZEBALLS last night, so that puts you in a good mood for, like, days.

I don't know why I haven't been taking the time to write more. I like to type things out but it's just not very convenient anymore. Probably not a good excuse. Plus I don't have much of an update that isn't already posted on my other social media accounts. I'm trying to tone down my life-sharing. It's really hard when you have a kid as cute as mine- every photo is sharable!! ;)

Okay- that's all I have for tonight. #sorrynotsorry