Hi baby: I love you

Hi there sweet baby,

I had the day off work today since our babysitter went out of town. You get two full days of DADDY the rest of the week. I'm assuming you'll survive.....

So after nap time I put you on the floor to play. I love seeing your little body move a little differently each day. You use to move your chubby legs tenatively, not totally confident in yourself. Now you kick and squirm with a purpose. I can tell that you are experiencing and learning from each and every move you choose to take. You move your arms and legs and different rates and different angles, realizing your body is your own. I love it. 

I gave you my puppy today. My favorite stuffed animal is now yours, and you seemed to like it just as much as I did. The fact that I can pass down my old toys to you is pretty great. I never gave this puppy a name, maybe you will name it?

The more I am with you the more amazed I am by you. How did I get so lucky to have such an angel for a baby? You are seriously so easy, so happy, so fun and so adorable. I know most babies aren't like you, and I'm going to enjoy being spoiled by your sweet nature. 

So this is pretty much a sappy love letter because that's how I'm feeling lately: So totally and completely in love with you. 

Xoxo

Mom 

4 miles of emotion

I went running tonight 

The first mile was filled with anger and frustration. I knew my anger wasn't anyone's fault but my own and I didn't want to take it out on my family. So I laced on my sneaks and ran out the door. I mumbled under my breath and swore and took all my anger out on the wind. 

The second mile was spent letting go of my stress and frustration. My anger turned to sadness and I wondered what life was supposed to look like and what more I should be doing. Still running against the wind, I let my body take me further and further away from my problems. 

The third mile I decided to turn around and head back home. Most negative feelings were gone and now I was focused more on my physical state instead of my emotional one. I just kept running, my mind finally clear. 

The fourth and final mile was filled with gratitude and pride. The wind was now helping me push up that last hill and my body allowed me to go the distance I had chosen. My anger was gone, my frustration soothed and my sadness put away for now. 

I ended my run with a little prayer of thanks and help as I stepped back inside my home - a much better version of myself. 

Easy taco (ish) soup

True or false: add green enchilada sauce to anything and it will be good.

TRUE!! 

Some of our favorite recipes include enchilada sauce and it's such a good addition to soup! I threw this together last night and it was pretty dang good (and so easy!)

1lb browned ground beef

1can corn 

1can black beans

1can pinto (or white) beans 

1can green chilies 

1can green enchilada sauce 

14oz beef broth 

Combine all ingredients in large pot. Bring to boil and simmer 15-20 minutes. You can also just add everything in a crockpot and cook on low 4-6 hours

Eat with tortilla chips (or not)

I am all for simple and easy recipes and this one tops the list!  

The 3 blog posts I just really really hate

The last several weeks I've had a lot of "spare time" aka I don't want to clean my house AGAIN but the baby is sleeping but not long enough for me to actually sleep spare time

So I've been reading lots of blogs because it kinda (not really) helps with my loneliness and it totally makes me think maybe one day I could be a funny cool writer of things that other lonely moms/women/people would want to read. 

So after reading 93756 blog posts I have acquired a love/hate relationship. 

First...

The recipe post

I really hate it when food bloggers put a photo (or 2 or 12) up after every.single.step.  seriously??? We all know what sugar, eggs and vanilla looks like in a bowl before it's mixed. No, I don't need to see how to grease your 9x13 baking dish or what your oven looks like turned on. If you're making cookies, just give me the damn recipe and a finished product picture so I don't have to thumb scroll for a solid 30 seconds before reaching the end. That's all I need. 

Next thing- 

Fashion posts

Fashion bloggers. I really just don't understand it. I don't understand the blogger or the bloggee who reads those posts. On one side you have a chick who takes 9375 pictures of herself in exactly 4 different poses with her outfit of the day that she got for free and that NO ONE (unless you also got it for free) can afford and then links readers to where they can find "similar" looks online and then you click on that link and BAM either its $400 or a totally ugly version of what she is actually wearing. And the people who like these posts? I would guess 97% of them are fashion bloggers themselves and are just scoping out the web to see if there has been a new pose created (there hasn't) 

Fashion blogger poses:

1. Hand on neck laughing up into the sky

2. Hand on hip, face looking down toward other hand/foot

3. Super close up of wrist (to show off bling of course)

4. Random laughing (did someone just tell you a joke?)

5. Hands clasped together like your praying with face looking away from the camera

And finally....

The Giveaway

Stop trying to sell me stupid shit. No I don't want to follow you and 30 other fashion bloggers on Instagram, Facebook AND Twitter just to enter. 

So that's it.... Just a few things about the blogosphere. You're welcome. 

Throwback Thursday: Funny &%$# Bart Says

These posts are always a fan favorite. Too bad Bart has stopped saying funny things. Here's a throwback to October 2012 when Bart was still funny :)

More S%$@ Bart Says

B- It's so hot in this house
M- No it's not.
B- Well Megan, you don't have to sit by you so you wouldn't understand

B- What, I have to watch a freakin infomercial on Ryan Lotche instead of sand volleyball?

M- Why do I even open my mouth?
B- I don't know, you know I don't listen.

M- Kristen Stweart cheated on Robert Pattinson and it's really sad..
B- ....Was it with Jacob?

B- The problem is you're comparing Grey's Anatomy to football.

B- (Playing -and losing- the science games at the State Fair) I feel like I used to play these games in High School and win...Am I just too intelligent now?

B- My boy is going to have huge cheeks. People are going to ask, "Hey, did your son get stung by a bee?" and I'm like "no, that's just his face" 

B- My name is Bart, I have great calves, and I'm a Mormon

UEA daddy weekend

It's official...I think I love UEA weekend more than Christmas!! A break from school AND football meant 4 days of Bart!! We had such a good time hanging out as a family, it was something this mama and wife desperately needed. It helped me realize what "real life" is actually going to look like with a child, not the lonely reality that has been my life during football season. 

On Thursday we kicked off family time with a run! Bart and I have been running buddies since the very beginning and it was great to run with him again. 2014 was pretty much a no-run year for me unfortunately and Bart missed me :) I'm excited to get back into the habit with him again (plus he pushes the stroller...so that's a major bonus)

Macs got all bundled up and joined us....she loves it

Friday morning we were in no rush to get things done. After Macs' afternoon nap we headed to the pumpkin patch! There are so many local patches around South Jordan. It was so fun picking out pumpkins and bringing Mckenzie outside. We try to get out every day, but there is something different about NOT being in the stroller that makes things even more interesting 

I bought Macs her first jacket...how freakin' cute is a bundled up baby?? p.s. Bart loves being a daddy

There's nothing better than seeing these two together. It melts my mama heart

Once the babe went down for the night Bart and I got to carving. Every year we carve pumpkins. Every year my pumpkin takes me maybe 15 minutes to complete. Every year Bart spends over an hour on his. This year I carved TWO pumpkins in less than 30 minutes and Bart created his masterpiece for 2 hours. If that doesn't show our personalities perfectly I don't know what will!

Bart handles the manly part....cutting off the tops!

Sipping on Raspberry Cheesecake Hot Cocoa. It's amazeballs

Saturday morning we woke up at headed to the Haunted 5K in Salt Lake. We did this race 2 years ago and this was my first race since last Halloween! I was pretty pumped. There is something about a race, even a 5K, that makes running a bit more fun. I bought Mckenzie a costume. I thought it was a cow...but apparently it was a puppy. Either way she looked pretty freakin' cute.

 

 

 

 

 

After the race we were hanging out, waiting for friends to finish and decided to change Mckenzie's diaper before she fell asleep for her nap. It's a good thing we did because this cute puppy had a complete blow out and had poop all over her legs and up her back. How lovely. Who has two thumbs and didn't bring her daughter a change of clothes? Mom of the Year right here. Luckily it was a really nice October day and not freezing so I was able to wrap her up in a burp cloth until we got home. Ahhh babies.

She didn't seem too concerned with her outfit

Later on Saturday after naps and showers (I taught Bart how to bathe the baby...he didn't love it) we got ready for the Aggie game! We bought this Aggie onesie up in Logan last year as our first baby purchase. It's a newborn size but still fits!

The best looking Aggie fans I know....

Our weekend ended on Sunday with church, naps and my BFF coming to visit.

Just call me the sleep fairy....or something

Did I mention how great this weekend was for me? Because it was. I LOVED having Bart around. It wasn't just nice to have extra hands to help with the babe, but I just missed my friend and we were able to joke and laugh and have fun- helping me realize life hasn't COMPLETELY changed.

(p.s. this is the last week of football so I'll be doing another happy dance in just a few days)

Two thousand hours

2,016

That's how many hours I got to spend with my baby girl before going back to work 

12 weeks...84 days..... 24 hours a day. 

I know I know, technically she slept through most of those hours, and my mom watched her for a few of those hours...but you get the point.

I always knew I would be going back to work. I wanted to go back to work. Student loans make it so I have to go back to work. I am happy to go back and I have been looking forward to it since week 4. A lot of things I did early on was because I knew eventually I would have to go back to work. I was obsessed with getting Mckenzie on a schedule and sleeping through the night because I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK! If I had to do it over again (which, let's be honest, I wouldn't wish those first several weeks on anyone) I would have cooled my jets a little bit and not worry so much about what happens when I go back to work.

So here we are with our last week together before mommy starts working again. It really hit me about a week and half ago that all of our lazy mornings and jammie days were coming to an end. I forgot about creating "bad habits" and sticking to a schedule and I have just enjoyed my baby. We cuddle for a little longer in the mornings and some days I don't even put on a bra.

As much as I'm looking forward to returning to work, I know it's going to be hard. Mckenzie is so freakin' happy in the mornings! She smiles up at me and doesn't stop until it's time for a nap. I am stressed about what our days are going to look like, but I'm trying not to focus on that this last week. Everything just seems to work out on its own so far, and I know this won't be any different. At the beginning of the month I was convinced I wouldn't survive my first week back if I didn't start getting more sleep. A few days later she started sleeping at least 7 hours and the last several nights she has slept 8-9 hours!

I know it won't be easy, and I know I will miss my baby, but going back to work is a decision I made on my own and I'm excited to get back into the routine called Life.

Hi baby: heaven and hell

Hello my angel baby

I just put you to sleep and you went right down. Your wet slobbery "kiss" is still on my cheek and your drool is still on my shirt. The last few weeks we have been putting you to bed early- between 7 and 8pm and you sleep 7-8 hours, wake up for 10 minutes to eat and then sleep 3ish more. It's amazing and it means daddy and I have been getting more sleep. It also means I am not awake for long periods of time in the middle of the night, so my blog posts have been lacking. 

I am thoroughly enjoying our time together these days. To be honest those first 6-7 weeks were heaven and hell all in one and most days hell seemed to beat out heaven.

 I wasn't happy. I loved you SO much. But there wasn't happiness in my heart. I was exhausted. So beyond tired it's like nothing I can describe. My mind was never fully turned on during the day because I was past the point of functioning. Sure I learned to live with it and I think most people didn't notice. 

Call it exhaustion, call it post-partum depression or the baby blues, whatever name we give it I want you to know it was never about you. Your sweet face was the only thing that could really make me smile. I didn't miss my old life, I didn't hate my body or wonder if we made a mistake. I didn't wish I could go back to last year. I was glad you were here and I thanked God every night for giving you to me and trusting me with this amazing person. 

And even though I loved you, I was almost too tired to love you even more. I was too tired to want to cuddle with you. Luckily you were a great napper because even though I didn't sleep, I needed that mental break. 

And then something crazy happened. You started smiling at me...and "talking" to me. You loved me too! We just sat in that rocking chair and talked for almost an hour and I fell in love with you all over again. 

You started sleeping 6-8 hours which means I was sleeping more than 4 (usually 6). I can't tell you what regular sleep has done to my poor brain. I have energy enough to actually function.

It came at the best time too because now you are awake and want to play and I have the energy and desire to play back. I love laying on the floor with you and giving you my undecided attention. 

My mom says we have bonded. That this is what bonding with your baby feels like. Do I wish I could have bonded with you sooner? Of course. But that's not the reality. I was too tired to bond. I was too sad and depressed to bond. But guess what? None of that matters because the bond is there now and it only gets stronger every day. 

I love watching you and cuddling with you and talking to you. I love loving you baby girl and I love that you love me back. 

So thanks for letting me squish your cheeks and kiss your face and be goofy during tummy time. Thanks for needing me and loving me- even when I couldn't feel much of anything. Thanks for helping me through the hardest two months of my life. Thanks for being my angel baby. I love you

Xoxo

Mom 

Throwback Thursday: Beauty

Today for Throwback Thursday I am craving a good vacation to beautiful places....one of my all time favorite vacations was when Bart and I (and his mom and brother) went to the oregon cost. The link below has some pretty pretty pictures

There is Beauty All Around
July 2010

Hi baby: feeding you formula

Hi baby,

I fed you your first bottle of formula this week. You chugged it right down with no problems and didn't seem to mind one bit. I, however, had a little harder of a time with it. Which surprised me. It was my idea. I wanted to do it. And I was totally fine until I poured powder into water. POWDER. I don't even feed myself things that come in powder form, how could I do this to my baby?? What is in this stuff? How can this be nutritious? Worst mom ever???

I don't know what it is about feeding you, but even before you were born I only had dreams about feeding you. Usually in my dreams I would forget or not know how and I would wake up nervous that I wouldn't be able to tell if you were hungry or not (HAHA! silly meg. ) 

Then you got here and feeding you was the most natural thing I could do. It was seemingly so simple and we seemed to have it all worked out. Well we didn't, and within a week I realized breast feeding wasn't going to be an option for us. I started pumping- determined to feed you breast milk for as long as I could. 

And just like breastfeeding, it was going fine until it wasn't. All of a sudden my right side completely stopped producing any milk and my left side decreased by at least half. I was drying up and you were growing up. You needed more food just as I was making less of it. Luckily I was able to freeze quite a bit at first and I have been able to keep you powder-free despite my inability to make enough milk. 

(side note. Even though it seemed like I dried up overnight, I tried for several weeks to get my supply back. I added pumping seasions, ate tons of oatmeal, drank water, took fenugreek 3x a day, pretty much anything you google asking "how to increase your supply" I tired) 

Finally at your doctor's visit this week I asked about formula since it seemed like an inevitable step. He told me to start introducing it to you now with just one or two feedings a day so you can get use to it. 

Which brings me back to the powder. As I sit here pumping for the 83745th time and getting less than half of what you eat in one sitting, I know formula is going to have to happen. I know formula is great for babies and honestly, I don't have the energy or mental capacity to stress about something that is out of my control. You are happy and beautiful and healthy and eat like a hungry hippo. So I will feed you formula, and the world will keep turning and I won't have any mommy guilt (at least not about this) 

I love you squish. 

Xoxo

Mom 

Pre-Pregnancy vs. Post-Pregnancy Body

Post pregnancy bodies. Don't mothers always have something to say about them? Maybe it's because it's such a new and unexplored experience. One minute you're at your "typical" size, then in a few months you start to get bigger...and bigger...and bigger...until you are literally ready to pop. But you don't really care, because your baby is inside of you kicking and moving and it's beautiful and magic.

Maybe you got stretch marks and dark spots. Maybe not. Either way, being pregnant makes you care a little less about your body, and focus more on what is happening inside of it.

At least that's how it was for me. 45 pounds? Don't care. I knew I was taking care of myself the best I could and my baby was healthy. 45 pounds never really bothered me.

Then I had my baby. Those first few weeks I felt tiny! Who cares about the number on the scale...I could see my toes and my shoes fit!! I was too exhausted to care about how much weight I was losing. I focused on recovering from a c-section and took walks every day for my sanity. My appetite for healthy things was back and I felt really good.

I felt amazing. My body not only did something incredible, but it was continuing to do incredible things (functioning on a few hours of sleep, holding an 8 pound thing all day, producing breast milk, loving something more than ever experienced before.)

My body kept changing even after my baby got here, and it's still changing. I've lost 35 of those 45 pounds. According to the scale I weigh less than when I was sick with Hashimotos. Silly scale. It doesn't paint the full picture does it?

It doesn't show my lopsided breasts or my small stretch marks.
It doesn't weigh my soft stomach differently or take into account the 6 inch scar that is still pink.
The number on the scale doesn't see my new mom-hips that I can't quite bring myself to embrace with a dress just yet.
It doesn't tell me that my jeans will fit my legs...but not my waist.
It doesn't explain how to dress when I have love handles for the first time in my life
It doesn't show my strong shoulders or buff arms.
It doesn't see that I am back to running and exercising
It can't feel my heart that has doubled since meeting my little girl. Or my mind that is always thinking of her future

My body will never be the same, but how can I expect it to? My life has changed forever because of the things my body was able to do. I'm sure one day the scale will say I am back to my "pre-pregnancy" weight. But I will never be back to my "pre-pregnancy" self - and that's OK

2 months

well we made it another month! 

McKenzie is learning and growing everyday! 

Her wake time went from about :45 minutes to 1:15 pretty much over night and she needs to be entertained now. She still loves looking around but if she gets fussy I just change things up and she is entertained by a new wall for a while longer. 

Her naps went from at least 2 hours to averaging 1-1.5 hours. At first I thought something was wrong, but then I realized it's just her growing up! As long as she is happy after a nap I know she is getting enough sleep

Knock-on-wood but she seems to be back to sleeping 6 hours at night 

She smiles!!! Nothing melts my heart more. I was rocking her today looking at my phone, and when I looked down at her she had the biggest grin on her face. I put my phone away and enjoyed the rest of that moment. 

She is much more "talkative" and is slowly starting to "goo goo" a little. New sounds are so fun for mom. 

I am trying to enjoy everyday as I comes and not focus too much on the future. For now my little 2 month old is an angel and it's so fun to see her develop everyday. 

Mastering Motherhood

Buying high waisted* leggings and then wearing those leggings every.single.day 

*aka high enough to squish in that post-baby chub and make your old shirts somewhat more acceptable to wear 

To just not give a damn about above-mentioned post-baby chub 

Being able to go to the bathroom with a baby in your arms (don't act like you've never done it) 

Not really knowing what to do with your cute pink thing now that she is awake for more than 30 minutes at a time....

Busting out that shiny new toy and getting SO EXCITED so maybe she will find it entertaining too...

Sad that the booger sucker makes her cry bloody murder....but not enough to stop before that nasty boog is out 

Being able to reach behind while driving and put her bink back in her mouth...and sometimes getting her ear instead 

Looking at toddlers at football games and bring completely overwhelmed at the thought of baby girl growing up. (This motherhood thing has only just begun) 

Mixed feelings between sleeping through the night and enjoying those middle of the night cuddles

Throwback Thursday: Judging Skinny

Pardon the language.....

Judging Skinny
May, 2013

Day 22,  Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. 

For those of you have been reading my blog since the beginning, you know that I rant about something pretty often. For some reason, since I moved down to SLC and got married I haven't really had the need.

Today I'm ranting about judgmental people.  I don't want to get too specific about the situations that have led to this post, but basically I'm ranting about this not because it's happening to me, but because it's happening to people around me and I'm there to witness it. 

What makes you think you know people you have never met? Do you think that by seeing them every day on TV you know their personalities, their habits and their faults? You don't. You don't know if they're bitchy or the world's sweetest person. You don't know why they have the opinions they do, or their life experiences that have gotten them to where they are today. YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. And since you dont know them, why do you think you can judge them? What in that little brain of yours turns on and says, "I think it's okay to totally judge someone I have never truly met". It's not okay. JUDGING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY ARE SKINNY IS JUST AS BAD AS JUDGING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY ARE FAT. Just because someone is skinny doesn't make them bitchy. It doesn't make them selfish or snobby or rude. It doesn't mean they don't want to be your friend. What is so wrong with taking care of your body? What is so wrong with making fitness a priority in your life? What is so wrong with being a size 2? NOTHING. Just like there is nothing wrong with naturally being a size 14. You shouldn't judge someone just because they are skinny. Don't assume they don't have any problems in their lives. Don't assume they are selfish and must care about themselves more than others. Don't assume that just because they are skinny they look down on everyone else who isn't. You sit there and say I don't like them because they are clique and skinny. WTF?!? Screw you. No one would even listen to someone who said, I don't like you because you're fat and annoying. NO ONE SAYS THAT. So why is it okay to say something like that about a skinny person? It's not.

All growing up people judged me because I was small, confident and had spiky hair. I must not like you because my hair is bad ass. Makes sense right??? No. It doesn't. Just because I had colorful spiky hair doesn't mean I wasn't a "good girl" or didn't have a testimony at church...but that is what people assumed. I spent most of my life not caring about those people because if you judge me before you get to know me than I don't want you in my life anyway. At this point in my life I have moved past all that (mostly because I'm not in very many social situations where I meet new people) so luckily I don't have to deal with that anymore. But that's why this bothers me so much, because I've been there...and I thought women grew out of it...but apparently they don't.

Bottom line? GET OVER YOURSELF. If you feel the need to sit around and talk about people you don't even know I feel sorry for you. I"m sorry your life is so devoid of anything that matters that you have to fill it with shit that doesn't.