Apparently today is one of those days when no matter how much I sleep I am still exhausted.
Why am I not in bed then do you ask? Well first, because I am reading a really good book by Jodi Picoult, one of my favorite authors, and even though I am falling asleep between chapters, I can't seem to put it down. I love her books because I get completely lost in them. I feel like I am in the story I am reading, relating my life and the people I know to the story and characters in her book. I can't wait for the day I can fill my very own book shelf with the books I love, with books that represent who I am.
Anyway, I decided to get on the computer because despite how tired I am, I am not in the mood to go to bed (I just woke up from a 3 hour nap after all). Sometimes my bed is really tempting, but other nights, like tonight, it doesn't really appeal to me at all. Maybe I should try making it, pulling the sheets tight, all the pillows lined up neatly, and see if that helps. I forget how much I love a made bed. Everything is evenly dispersed throughout my whole body. Even weight everywhere that is comforting. When I was younger, I use to have to clean my room before I went to bed. Every night I would pick everything up, make my bed, fold my laundry, before I could relax. Sometimes I wish for those days back. As I have gotten older I have discovered I have 8592 other things to do than clean my room and do laundry...not a good habit to get into.
Now that I am thinking about it there are a few things I wish I liked doing as much as I did when I was younger. Be a very clean person, make sure everything has it's place, organize my closet not only by color, but by sleeve length. I am not dirty, I am just not as concerned as I use to be. I wish I liked to go to the gym as much as I did in high school. I would go for 2 hours a day, by myself, most days of the week. Sometimes I would bring my Ipod along but not always. The gym was my sanctuary. It was where I went to be completely alone surrounded by people. I didn't make friends with the people around me, I didn't flirt with the cute boys who were always there when I was, I zoned out and focused on myself. It was awesome. That is probably what I miss the most out of all my old habits. I looked forward to going to the gym. I would plan my days activities around it usually. Now, here I am, after eating a whole box of mac and cheese, wanting to go to the gym but knowing I wont. I wonder if I will be able to ever get back into the habit I loved so much...One habit I have started up again though is reading. I use to read all the time but up until a few months ago, I hadn't read a full book that wasn't school assigned in probably a year. But I am back to reading whenever I get a chance and like I have said before, I love it.
I have stumbled upon a little problem, my writs hurt. really bad. carpal tunnel? Maybe, except I just looked up symptoms for carpal tunnel and mine don't quite match. Carpal tunnel starts gradually and affects the palms of your hands and fingers. My pain has come all at once and it is in my writs, occasionally shooting up into my fingers. Whatever it is, I need it to be fixed pronto because cutting hair isn't pleasant at all.
I have a final tomorrow that I should probably be studying for but as you can see, I'm procrastinating. Except it isn't that bad because I have memorized all of my flash cards so I am feeling pretty prepared. For some reason I am not stressed about my finals at all this semester. I think it is just because I am so ready to put these classes behind me!
Now that classes are over I have to start planning my wedding. I made a deal with myself that I wouldn't deal with it until after the semester. I want to find a wedding dress, book the temple, decide on a photographer and set dates for my pictures before school starts up again. I feel like those are the main things and everything else my family can take care of since they are the ones that want this reception in the first place :) I was looking at a bridal magazine today though and I think I finally have some sort of an idea of what I want in my dress. Now if only I can find it...
I am ready to be married though. I feel like I know everything there is to know about Bart. I have seen every side of him, good at bad, and the only thing to do now is get married and start my new life with him! I hope these next 5 months go by as fast as the past 5 so I can finally be Mrs. Bowen.
It is nights like these when I remember how much I like to write. I never think I hate writing, but when my thoughts become words I can record so easily I am reminded of how much I rely on words for my sanity. I have never been good at talking about my feelings, but I have always been great at writing them down. Even when I have nothing to say, like tonight, I feel peaceful after writing it (typing it) down. My eyes and wrists hurt, I have cankers in my mouth and my lips are cracked, but I am fine, because I can write about it.