E: Explanations and Expectations

I have been wanting to write this post all day with the things on my mind, but now it is midnight and I am exhausted and I know I will not do it justice. I dont even really remember what I wanted to say.

Expectations:

When I was a little girl I remember stressing over the kiss that you have at your wedding to seal the deal. I always had the thoughts of, what if we dont know what we are doing? Will it look weird? What if I dont want to kiss him? It is so funny to think of the things I was expecting on my wedding day. Obviously when I was 10 I didnt realize that by the time you are getting married to that person you know everything about them from what their deoderant smells like to their cleaning habits. Kissing Bart in three weeks is the least of my worries at this point.

I dont know what my other expectations were of this day that is approaching so fast. I was NEVER the person who thought of what dress I would be wearing or what ring I wanted. I didnt have a scrap book filled with cut out pictures and color swatches. Up until I met Bart I assumed that marriage was so far away for me I wouldnt have to worry about it yet. But guess what, I am getting married in three weeks.There was one thing I always did know about my future wedding: that it would be in the temple. I went to the Mt. Timp. temple when I was like 7 and I remember thinking/commiting/telling myself that is where I was getting married. Throughout everything that has happened, I never pictured it any other way. I am so excited that dream is coming true.

I never really thought about the man I would marry either. I guess I had a few traits picked out:

smart
didnt play video/computer games--at all
got along with my family
funny
hard working
loving

I would never have guessed all of that came neatly in the package that is Bart. He has every trait I ever wanted and some I didnt even think about.

Explanations

Bart keeps saying that people are always asking him if he is nervous and he tells them no. He told me he isnt nervous at all. He said he has done everything he thinks he should have/could have done to get him ready to be married. He finished college, met and dated lots of people, he has lived in different places and done things when he was single and he said he isnt worried that he is missing out on anything if he gets married because he is ready.

When people ask me how I feel I usually smile and say I am happy -which I am- but I am also nervous out of my mind. Not because I worry about bart not being the one, but marriage is a HUGE deal and yeah, it freaks me out. However, fortunately, I have done everything I have wanted to do too. Bart had his adventures and made his mistakes in college...I made mine in high school. He is four years older than me but it doesnt feel like it because we have both experienced a lot of the same things, just at different periods of our lives.

I never thought I would be ready to get married. but I am.