The runner's mind during hill repeats

Bottom of hill- ok. You got this. Just three of these

Halfway up- this totally sucks. Hills are stupid. You are stupid. 

3/4 way up- you might die. You're probably going to die. If you make it to the top you can be done! I won't make you do the other two

Top of hill - your such a BA. That wasn't so bad. Beautiful view! Fist pump 

Down hill- you're such a great runner. Your body is pretty great. This is easy! Go  you. 

Bottom of hill- ok I can totally go up that hill again! Let's do this thang. 

Half way up- oh ya, this totally sucks still! 

3/4 way up- I think my legs are going to fall off. Yep...I'm going to just sit over there and die 

Top of hill- yay! You did it! Not that bad... Let's go again! 

(Repeat) 

A look back of 2014

Warning: If you're sick of my baby- skip this post since 90% of my year review will be about her. you're welcome.

2014! Another awesome year under our belt. I'm happy it's over. It felt like most of the year was spent in anticipation and being pregnant and then in a weird limbo of having a newborn. These last few months have been the best months of the year and I look forward to continuing that awesomeness into 2015

The first pictures I have (that aren't belly pics) are from my graduation in May. Oops! Graduating college 6 months pregnant was pretty awesome. The whole day I just thought of my baby girl and how empowering it is to have an education and a chosen career. I must say I LOVE being a college graduate!

It wouldn't be a year in review without Football! Bart was the Sophomore Head Coach this year for Kearns. I was so proud of him! He really came out of his shell and was a great leader.

And then of course this happened! I've documented those first few months pretty regularly. Since the baby and I both sleep through the night now I don't have nightly updates. Bottom line? She changed our world and it's the best world to be in!

My baby sister got married! It was a beautiful weekend

And this is how our year ended: 

Like I said: not too eventful and yet the most life changing year yet! In my defense I wasn't super interested in documenting my preggo self for posterity. You're welcome.

Happy New Year everyone!

Goals for 2015

I really really love a new year. There is something about January 1 that makes me so exited. I love fresh starts and a chance to make a few new goals 

Fun fact about me? I totally suck at accomplishing goals. I think I usually decide on something way too intense and if I mess up once I throw it all out the window. 

For 2015 I thought it might be fun to break up the year a little bit and have a monthly (or so) goal. Then other general goals that I can work on all year. 

A few years ago Bart and I made it a goal to throw out less food and we rocked it! I like those kind of goals that you can always improve on. We are already working on not swearing and sticking to our clean eating and building a food storage 

January- complete our 72 hour kits

Feb- run Dog Days Half Marathon 

March- spend every Sunday completely unplugged 

April- finish Book of Mormon 

May- no spend! Don't buy anything extra 

June- run Utah Valley Half Marathon

July- hike 3 new trails

August- go on a "date" with each of my siblings 

September- run Big Cottonwood Half Marathon 

October- read a classic book that seems to be "over my head" 

November- spend every Sunday completely unplugged (again!) 

December- sponsor a family for Christmas 

I'm looking forward to a great new year and will write a 2014 recap later this week (hopefully) 

The baby gadgets I use every. Single. Day.

My baby was and still is an angel wrapped in pink squishy skin. She is the easiest baby. I know this. That being said, the things I use daily are going to be different if you have a baby that needs a little more stuff to be happy. These are also things we spent money on that we actually used (unlike these)

Soothie binki

For some stupid reason I tried avoiding the binki when she was first born. Then my all knowing and genius mom gave me the mommy- OK and we have never looked back. I've tried giving her other binkis but she knows what she likes

Diaper Genie

I've read people say this is a stupid product and totally pointless. LIES! Do you realize how many diapers a baby goes through in a day? Are you really going to wrap each one up in an individual grocery sack and take sit out to the garbage can? Or would you rather stick it down a magic hole never to be seen or smelled again? (Until it's time to empty which takes like 2 minutes and is MESS FREE). This is my favorite thing in the nursery besides my own child. 

Muslin blankets

They are big, thin and can be used for drool, spit up and to keep your baby warm or on the floor for tummy time. I'm all about multitasking items. 

Changing table

Do you need one? No. But I use mine every morning and night. The floor works just fine when we are downstairs, but a pad on top of her dresser is great. We always play, talk and blow belly bubbles when she is up a little higher 

Fan or space heater 

Of course the nursery is the room with the worst temperature control! The vaulted ceilings make winters COLD and the big east facing windows make the summers HOT. So we have a fan to cool it off and a space heater to warm it up. Annoying but needed.

Baby rolls!

Mckenzie rolled over today!!!

I know all you mamas out there can imagine just how excited I was as she was trying and finally succeeded. It wasn't an accident either. She was consciously trying to do it and after several failed attempts she finally figured it out!! I squealed and clapped and kissed her chubby cheeks. I seriously got so happy. 

I freaking love motherhood. The things we get excited about? The things that make us so happy? It's the little things and I love my life being filled with those little moments. 

I love seeing her learn how to smack her lips together and listen as she makes the cutest noises. I love her soft skin on my cheek and her big smile she saves just for me. Love isn't a big enough word anymore. Love doesn't fully explain the feeling and emotion I have for my baby girl. It's truly a god-like experience and emotion we get to have here on Earth.

Hi Baby: Christmas List

Hi baby,

Your daddy shared this LINK with me a few weeks ago. A list of things a 25 year old single girl wants for Christmas.

Reading this list makes me really happy that my life has more meaning than the objects and desires this girl lists off. It also makes me hope that one day you have bigger dreams than having a big butt or 'likes' on Instagram.

Don't you know your life is meant for so much more? It's meant for big things baby girl. Big things. You can do whatever you dream of doing. You can have a Christmas list filled with travel plans and life goals worth accomplishing. You can dare to have better things than Beyonce's thighs or a week where calories don't matter. Your thighs (chubby now and perfect forever) aren't worth wasting a wish over and if you're going to eat the calories you might as well enjoy them.

I hope your Christmas list involves other people and has more substance than losing weight and getting a tan. I hope you want to come see your mom for your favorite meal or call your grandma without it feeling like a chore. I hope by 25 you can see what really matters in life. I'm not saying you have to be all grown up with a white picket fence and toddlers, but by 25 I hope your self centered days are over, and you realize just how fortunate you are for the life you are living.

I want you to have wishes and dreams and goals that are pages long: I just really hope it doesn't include sex fantasies, wants for a different body and dreams of being lazy and getting everything while doing nothing.

xoxo
Mom

Do babies have nightmares?

Mckenzie randomly woke up 40 minutes after going to sleep the other night totally screaming like she was hurting. Her eyes never opened and after a few minutes of just holding and rocking her she was fine and slept the rest of the night. 

Naturally I googled "do babies have nightmares"

Dear all new moms: NEVER GOOGLE ANYTHING

People on the Internet are CRAZY. Check out this response to a poor new mama asking if babies have nightmares 

Your baby is having nightmares because you decided to take a shower and she woke up and you weren't there and YOU DID THIS TO HER!!!!!

 Also, ya know that thing called birth where they grabbed her by her little feet and yanked her into this world (c section) or she came head first through a way too small hole and was caught by some weird guy in gloves? That moment? Well she is remembering that as we speak and YOU DID THIS TO HER!! 

Moral of the story? Your child should never cry, never wake up without you and if you let her experience anything other than your boob in her mouth she will be damaged for the rest of her days. 

People be cray cray. Seriously- just don't google anything. Ask your mom, your bff or your pediatrician, not the insane lady with an Internet connection. 

Baby cuddles, baby daddy, WATCH YO MOUTH

Well folks my thumbs are at it again. I'm currently laying horizontal on my bed with my baby cuddled up next to me dong her best to take a nap. I could be doing laundry, cleaning house or 3947 other things- but I'm spending the afternoon cuddling with my baby. Sorrynotsorry. 

I've been loving  every second with her these days. If she is awake I usually drop everything and get RIGHT UP IN HER FACE and she totes loves it. ( or so I tell myself) 

Bart has the next two weeks off and yours truly has zero. (Ok ok I have Christmas and New Year's Day- it could be worse) so he will be Mr Mom and I'll be bringing home the bacon. I am SO blessed to have such a supportive husband and daddy to our baby girl. He fully accepts halvsies (halfsies?) responsibility when it comes to baby duty and never makes me feel like one of our jobs is more important than the other. He's pretty great and I'm excited for these two to bond a little bit 

work has been super stressful the last two weeks. I don't know why, but I definely wasn't gellin this week. Thank goodness for weekends to reset, take a deep breath and GET OVER IT amiright? I love weekends. 

So Bart came home one day and said he wanted to stop swearing so for every swear word we decided 10 push ups would be the punishment. You would drop down right then and there if possible, if not you have to do them ASAP. I was so proud of this random new goal of his I decided to join! Turns out I probably swear more than he does (oops!) so we are both getting our push-ups in. It's definitely working though and now we catch ourselves before the word gets out 80% of the time. This life is all about improvement and progression right??? (Plus Bart's upper body is toning up quite nicely so it's a win win). 

Speaking of toning up and being awesome- we are training for a half marathon in Feb. Today was a cold 6 miles, but I really do love it. 

This month has been a lot of fun. We have been pretty social and life is just so much better when you have good people in it, Ya know? For so long my life was filled with crappy crappy people who were not good for me and I realize what difference it makes when you have good friends and good people surrounding you. It's da bomb.com. 

On the twelfth day of Christmas

*Get the tune in your head* 

This year during Christmas life has given me: 

12 loads of laundry

Eleven neighbor gifts 

Ten sugar cookies 

Nine toys for wrapping 

Eight hour work days 

Seven Christmas movies 

Six miles running 

Five pans of fudge

Four sweater parties 

Three shopping trips 

Two hours of traffic

And a baby wearing reindeer jammies 

Thank you thank you...I'll be here all night 

The baby gadgets I never used

Life is funny. First few months of life with baby is even more amusing. And by amusing I mean straight up h-e-double hockey sticks with a big fat slice of heaven with a piece of candy on top. 

That being said, there are lots of things to buy for your first child. If you followed this blog you would recall that Meggy didn't buy much of anything until the last possible second. Then I would buy it and BAM we wouldn't need it anymore. *cue emoji with straight line face* 

For example:

THE breastfeeding pillow. Breastfeeding was a big hot mess for me. A week in and I visited with a lactation consultant who used this magic pillow and.... ITS WORKING!! SHE IS LATCHED AND IM NOT IN PAIN HALLELUJIA. I had to buy the pillow since it was the only missing factor. Obvi. 

3 days later that $50 pillow found its permanent home in the corner of her nursery 

Speaking of pillows, we bought a $75 double sided pregnancy pillow that made my bed feel like a prison and that thing spent most of its days on the floor. Thank you and amen. 

Moving right along...

Breast milk storage bags. One day I'm successfully pumping lots of milk like a mama cow. I had been able to freeze extra milk daily and I was down to the last 5 bags. Naturally I bought a box with 100 more. I never used those last 5 bags ($17 bucks sitting in my pantry unopened) 

Baby shoes. I never bought a pair, but we got several from friends and I'm sorry to say my daughter's feet have never known the restrictive feeling of shoes. We be hippies like that

So there are a few things we bought and never used. There's more but I can't think of them at the moment. Next time around I'll post the baby things I use daily that are just oh so handy! 

The blog post only VIB ( very important bloggers) write

I read pretty popular blogs and it's only a matter of time before they post about taking a break from blogging because:

I just have so much to say 

I don't have enough to say

I feel too much pressure 

I don't know what direction I want to take with my life *cough* I mean my blog 

I just don't even know what's real anymore 

I really want to be IN the moment, Ya know? 

Blah blah blah blah blaaaaah. 

Either write a blog post- or don't!! Your 578426 "friends" will still be there when you decide to come back to your über stressful cyber life. 

(You could be like me and pretty much only write when you are holding your baby at night putting her to sleep. Left thumb writing people. Multitasking simplifies everything!!!)

Books review: Lost December, Walking on Water, The Mistletoe Promise

As we have discussed, I am a binge reader. I read 4 books over the course of one week earlier this month. 3 of them were by Richard Paul Evans. Usually when I binge read I read multiple books from the same author. This time was no exception. I love finding a new author! He has been on my show before, and this year his newest book came in the mail. Two of his other books were on my coworker's desk and she let me borrow them. I really liked 2.5 of them. They were all easy reads and I finished them within a day or two.

Lost December was the first one I read. It's a twist on the bible story of the prodigal son. A hard working, well raised young man is the son of a multimillionaire. He goes off to college, becomes friends with the wrong people and ends up blowing his 1 million dollar trust fund. Under the impression that his father wants nothing to do with him, he doesn't reach out when he hits rock bottom and ends up on the streets. The story continues to play out and I won't tell you the rest. I loved this book! It was a realistic story that really could happen to anyone. (anyone with a million dollars anyway). The underlying message was there the whole time and it of course has a happy ending. The love the father has for his son got me choked up a little bit. Even though it was an easy read, it wasn't superficial. There were a few parts I skimmed over- the dialog between friends was just boring to me. (I'm not into random dialog in stories) but other than that I really enjoyed it.

Since I loved Lost December so much I immediately picked up the other book from my coworker's desk Walking on Water. I didn't realize this was the last book in a 5 book series until a few chapters in, but I wasn't really lost either. I will say this was my least favorite book out of the three, but I'm assuming it's because I haven't read any of the others. The first half of the book was good, the last half was very boring. It was several chapters of what this character ate on his long walk across America. Full paragraphs naming off his meals. snooooooze. I skipped a lot and just wanted to be done. I don't know if I could read the first 4 books now that I know how everything ends, but maybe I will try!

The Mistletoe Promise was the book that landed on my desk and had me reading Richard Paul Evans in the first place. I haven't read a love story for quite some time, so I really like this. I have always loved a good love story as long as it's not too sappy- this one isn't. The characters are great and the sad past of the main character really struck me as a mother. This is also a really quick read and if you're looking for something fun to read this Christmas- this is it!



Lost December was my favorite of the three, followed closely by The Mistletoe Promise. I am now interested in reading his other holiday stories and will definitely be watching out for more books from Richard Paul Evans.

Throwback Thursday: 6 cups of flour

6 Cups of Flour
12-21-11

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate cooking? How bad I am at it? I know a lot of people say that but seriously, I am and it's getting really annoying.

I tried to make Lemon Bars today and they taste horrible. I then decided to make Snickerdoodles because I remember those being pretty tasty and I have never made them before. Fun idea right?!?!? WRONG.

First of all, they should have a warning label put on recipes that say in nice bold letters IF YOU MAKE THIS WITH THE AMOUNTS INDICATED BELOW, YOU WILL BE MAKING FOUR THOUSAND COOKIES.

Seriously?!?! Who needs this many cookies? This recipe could feed the whole city of Murray and lets be honest, not that many people like these cookies anyway. This was an entry in a work recipe book I got from my mom and I want to hunt this lady down and shove snickerdoodles down her throat.  I didn't realize until I looked at the instructions and it is telling me to put in 6 CUPS of flour that this was a large recipe. Now I realize that was my bad for not noticing before I was midway through my little project from hell but I'm not good at this remember?

Also, I freaking hate cold butter. HATE it.Hate hate hate, double hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY.  I had to use my hands pioneer style to mix the butter and sugar because my big fancy KitchenAid couldn't do it so of course I got butter and sugar all over my freshly cleaned floor. (That's another reason why I hate cooking, I make such a big mess) So as I am mixing in those 6 pounds of flour I am kicking myself and looking over at the clock to see if I am even going to have time to finish all of this before I have to be to work at 3.

Let's just say it will be pushing it, and there may or may not be some cookie dough in my freezer by the end of this. Luckily each batch just cooks for 10 minutes but still, there are like a thousand batches to cook soo.....time adds up. This is really making me hate snickerdoodles, I will probably never want to eat them again. Did you know you have to scoop up the extremely sticky dough into a ball and then roll it around in cinnamon sugar? Yeah, not as easy as it sounds, I finally got my system down but the whole time I was doing it all I was thinking about was this blog post and how much I hate cooking. As we speak I am waiting for cookies to finish and apparently 10 minutes is not long enough.

Dear Bart,

I apologize that the laundry is laid out all over our bed not folded and the towels are chillin in the dryer. I was too busy attempting to entertain myself and doing the worst thing I probably could do with my morning off. I wrote this blog post for you because lets be honest, I wasn't about to text you all of this and by the time I get home from work tonight I will probably be over it. Also, will you please eat about 40 cookies tonight so we have some space in our fridge for oh, i don't know, milk? Thanks pookie bear.

Love, Megan.

Bean Salad

If I'm asked to bring something to a party I try to keep it simple. This has become my go-to. The best part? I'm happy if there are leftovers! It's so yummy and something I can eat without guilt. 

Share share share you ask??? OK fine. 

1 can of the following: 

Black beans

Red beans

Pinto beans

Garbanzo beans 

2 cans of fresh corn

8oz chunky medium salsa 

1TB vegetable oil 

1tsp lemon juice

Chili powder to taste 

Dump beans in colander and rinse. 

Add beans, corn and salsa to large bowl.

 Mix

Add vegetable oil, lemon juice and seasoning 

Cover and chill

Eat with tortilla chips or anything else to get this yummy goodness in your mouth! 

How easy is that? Take to your next holiday party. It's different than typical dip and oh so tasty! 

4 months

Baby Mac! We made it 4 months. It has been pretty great.

I can't believe it's already been a month. I feel like I just wrote her 3 month blog post so I will keep this one short and sweet

LOVES the TV. The day she rolls over is going to be because mommy adjusted her little body away from the television

Sleeps through the night every night now 10-11 hours and has a clear routine for her day.

Pushes her bum up in the air and gets on her knees during tummy time (which means she face plants into the floor)

Cubby! Her little jeggings are getting too tight.

Starting to notice real people food, but doesn't seem interested if I let her lick something

Her goo-goo-ga-ga has turned into more of a yelling baby-talk. It's adorable

Still doesn't relate to the baby books. Apparently she is supposed to be in a month long "leap" but she never gets grouchy, so I have just stopped reading that book.

Favorite thing is still to look around at everything and chat.

These past few months have been so much fun!! I told my friend the other day that if babies just popped out at this stage, I would have another one right now. She is my favorite and I'm so excited to watch her grow.

Book Review: Leaving Time

If you know me or have read this blog long enough, you know I LOVE Jodi Picoult. I discovered her when I was probably 13 and have read every single one of her books. Every year when she releases a new one it's on my birthday wish list. This year was no exception.

I was so excited for Leaving Time because a few months before it was released Jodi released a FREE digital short story. It was the book about elephants that I was telling all my nurses about when I was in labor. I loved the short story and was really excited.

It starts with a teenage girl looking for her mother who seems to have vanished into thin air after a dramatic night. She teams up with an old retired and alcoholic cop and a washed up psychic to find the answers. As in all of her books, Picoult uses different chapters to go back and forth between the different characters. One of those points of view is the mother who is missing. Her story reads as a flash back history lesson, while the other characters are speaking of present time. 

It's clear Picoult did extensive research (just like all of her books) and the topic of research for this story was Elephants. I learned more about elephants than I thought I wanted to know (just like the topic of wolves in "Lone Wolf"). One of my favorite things about her books is learning about something in the process of reading and this was no different. 

I read almost the entire book waiting for the other shoe to drop. While it was entertaining, it didn't make me question things like her past books. It didn't change my view or look at a topic with a new set of eyes. Toward the middle of the book I was actually getting bored thinking the plot was moving pretty slow. It wasn't until nearly the end of the book that a huge PLOT TWIST leaves you with your head spinning and your mouth wide open. Once the dots start to connect you look back on everything you just read with a totally different perspective.

If you had asked me if I liked the book as I was reading it, before the twist, I would have said EH. It's OK. But by the time I closed the book my mind was blown and I was entertained for a few days afterward just thinking about it.

Leaving Time is different from a lot of her other books, but I am a true blue fan and really enjoy anything Jodi Picoult writes. If you found her past books to be a little too intense or deep for you- this one would be a little more up your alley.

As with all of her books I was finished within a few days. Not her best book*, but not her worst either.

*In case you were wondering: my favorites are "The Storyteller", "House Rules" and "Nineteen Minutes". I really didn't like "Sing You Home"

Trash bin thoughts

My awesome father in law (hi Larry!) mentioned yesterday that I haven't been blogging much. I told him its because sometimes I just have nothing to say. 

I still have nothing to say but I will write anyway. I read somewhere that a writer should make a point to write everyday, even if it ends up being garbage and thrown away. Lucky for you..this blog is my trash bin and you my friends get to sometimes read my daily musings. 

Speaking of reading- I downloaded a free ebook called "Lost in Shangri-La". Did you know there was an entire civilization living in New Guinea that was completely cut off from the outside world and was just living like "savages and headhunters" during World War II ** they were just chillin in the middle of the rainforest with their own crops and civil wars. Mind blown. The book is about a plane crash and lots of other things, I just haven't gotten past the crash part yet. 

*side note: I had to ask Bart what war World War II was and he is currently giving me a history lesson. I embarrass him with my complete lack of history knowledge (and geography knowledge) 

I'm also reading a few of Richard Paul Evans' novels because his latest one ended up on my desk at work. I liked the first one I read (Lost December) but am bored as I try to finish Walking on Water. Full reviews are on their way. I also read Jodi Picoult's newest book Leaving Time. PLOT TWIST!! Not my fav, but again a book review is coming. 

I am going to take a few seconds and just mention how much I love having Bart home at 3pm every day. I know that's not normal for a lot of families out there, but it has always been our normal and I'm happy we have it back. I don't mind the 4 months of intense football season, but man do I absolutely love the 8 months of non football season. 

Mackado is just getting cuter and cuter everyday. I will have a more detailed report for her 4 month old blog post on Friday (you're welcome) so for now I will say those squishy squishy cheeks light up my world

Well I'm starting to see why they say to just write and write- I have a few ideas for future posts! Good night everybody

Count my many blessings

Ahh Thanksgiving. Where do I start? I love having a special day where I can slow down and really ponder on my blessings. I am always overwhelmed by the love I have been shown by my Heavenly Father and the gifts he has rained down on me. 

Last season I was incredibly grateful for my health. I had spent the majority of the year overcoming my Hashimotos diagnosis and by November I had gained a greater appreciation for my body and my health. This year I am still happy for the blessing that is my body, and all that it allows me to do. 

But of course as my family gathers around the table this year to spout off our thoughts, mine will be about my little family. 

My beautiful healthy baby girl that has brought a new kind of joy into my life. Who makes me feel like I am important and needed. Her loves and cuddles and smiles complete my day and have changed my life forever. 

My amazing strong husband who has loved me every step of the way as we do this thing called parenting. Who has looked at me like a crazy person as I cried and laughed my way through pregnancy and then cried even more when the baby finally got here. Who took over in the middle of the night when I was coming apart at the seams. Who laughs with me and runs with me and cooks for me. I can't say enough good things about this man. I am so in love with him. 

My mom who has truly been an angel sent from heaven to help me when I didn't realize I needed so much help. To listen to my tears and give me honest advice and tell me it's going to be OK. 

My dad who kept me company when I was feeling so lonely and who gave me that big hug I can't find anywhere else. 

My siblings who fell in love with my baby and spread some of that extra love my way. For checking in on me and taking an extra minute to chat. 

My in-laws who have supported me and loved me like always and who are enjoying a Bowen Family baby boom! 3 born this year and 3 more due by June! I can't wait for Macs to enjoy her little cousins. 

My job that keeps me sane. What more can I say? 

My testimony and membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The love I feel from my Heavenly Father everyday and the guidance he has shown me and Bart. The peace I have in my life because of my faith and the happiness that choosing the right has brought me. The power of the atonement that helps me be better everyday and the example Jesus Christ set for me to follow. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Eat lots of food and find a comfy couch to sit on. I know I will! 

Hey, it's OK

to be annoyed when people have private Instagram accounts. NOW how are you going to cyber stalk them??

to love your baby SO MUCH but be happy that it's not your turn to put her to bed (mama needs some mama time)

to have 34985 things to do but read your new book instead

to tense up and want to cover your child with a bubble when the kid behind you in church starts coughing all over the place (and to be mad at the mother who is letting their child cough everywhere, cover his mouth woman!)

to feel better about eating a string cheese instead of a block of cheddar cheese...even though they are the same thing (a block of cheese is a block of cheese my friend)

to leave clean laundry unfolded in the basket for days (laundry is just stupid amiright?)

to not wash your hair for 4 days (ah it's Friday...I can just pull it up for work. Saturday? well I'm not going to see anyone so... Sunday, OK, I probably should wash it but I can just wait for Monday morning...)

to show pictures of your baby to random people at work who politely ask "how's your baby?" SHE'S SO CUTE WANT TO SEE A PICTURE????

to want to eat pancakes for breakfast but settle for toast instead because you just really really don't want to cook

to give yourself credit for your child's excellent sleeping capabilities. yes my 3 month old sleeps 11 hours a night. yes I think it's mostly because of me. #sorrynotsorry

A lesson learned

I've had the holiday season on my mind the last few days, especially holidays growing up. I looked through my old journals and found the entry I as looking for. I wrote it 11 years ago when I was 14:

December 23, 2003

Something happened tonight that woke me up to reality. Now I know that I am truly blessed and it doesn't show in the packages under the tree. When this Christmas season started I was really ungrateful and I acted spoiled. I was mad that we weren't going to get a lot this Christmas because we don't have any money. I prayed that we would be able to have a good Christmas. Well the Lord made that a possibility in a different way. Someone came by and brought us 3-4 boxes of food. Our friends brought us something we needed. They probably aren't going to have any turkey for dinner because they gave it to us. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal out of this but I learned something today. We don't need to be rich to be happy. We have great friends and neighbors who really care about us. I don't really care what I get any more. Whatever I get will be more than enough. I'm not going to forget this for a while and I just want to thank those people who have taught me so much by their unselfishness.


I have never forgotten that night. Every season I think of the kindness that was shown to my family and the lesson I learned from it. We didn't have very much money for a lot of the years I was growing up. But we always had each other. We always had our home that was filled with love. It was a safe place to come home to and I always knew there were people there that loved me. Every year I realize more and more just how special of a blessing that was. I will probably never know who brought my family food that night, but I will always be thankful for them. They taught a selfish and spoiled teenage girl the true meaning of the holiday season.

25

Happy birthday to me! I'm 25 today. 25 feels so official. Not old, I know I am still young and I am totally OK with that, but it does seem more legit than 20-24.

This past year has gone by faster than usual and I'm glad that it's over. 

This past year I got pregnant and spent 9 of the 12 months being pregnant. Being pregnant meant I was pretty much in a state of waiting and anticipation. I was just waiting for my baby to get here so the year didn't seem to be filled with much else. 

I'm looking forward to living my life this next year. I get to run again and work and be a wife and a new mommy. Instead of waiting I get to just live, and that's what I am most excited about for 25. 

I really sucked it up when it came to my 25 Before 25 list. When I made it I didn't know I was pregnant and I didn't know how much said pregnancy would make me just want to sit on the couch for 5 months straight. But I did get a few things checked off. 

I read lots of books 

I graduated college

Obviously I had a baby 

I tried new recipes and ate plenty of cheesecake 

I feel like my life will now be spent watching my baby grow up, instead of myself, but I have no doubt 25 will be great. I will just turn my list into the 25 during 25 and finish the rest!

Hi baby: 25 years

Hello my sweet squishy baby,

I just put you down for the night and I'm thinking about you. I turn 25 tomorrow. 25! It seems so young, and yet 10 years ago I looked at that age thinking it was so old. 

When you turn 25 it will be 2039. WHAT?!?! I will be a few months from 50. You might have a baby or two of your own. You might not. Maybe you found the love of your life and maybe you are still looking. Will you be in college or your dream job or off on an adventure somewhere? Will you be organized and responsible or flighty and spontaneous? I hope your dreams will be coming true and you will embrace your youth. I hope you don't try to grow up too fast and I hope you try to take on the world. I hope you'll want to call your mom a few days a week to catch up and say hi. 

I might be turning 25 tomorrow, but all I can think about is you and the life that is ahead of you. I guess that is what motherhood is all about. 

I don't know where you'll be or what you'll be doing when you turn 25 on August 5, 2039. But I know I will love you just like I love you today. You will be an amazing, beautiful, talented and strong young woman, and I will be your proud mama  

And that is a pretty great birthday wish. 

Xoxo

Mom 

Mastering motherhood

Turning off the fire alarm while breastfeeding. One handed-broom-skills thankyouverymuch 

Making sweet potato fries for a snack instead of a block of cheese

Doing so many other things one handed and NOT eating cheese for every meal 

Trying not to complain when it takes her more than 5 minutes to go down for the night. I know I know, I'm spoiled. 

Leaving my clothes pretty much everywhere instead of obsessively cleaning the house (take a breath and chill mama)

Finally making it to Young Women's after a 6 month hiatus 

Watching my baby bang her head on the glass door when she leaned forward because I was getting a video of how cute she was. (I'm only admitting this because there is NO WAY I'm the only mom that's done it)

Mama's arms

It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my arms are now someone's safe place. 

Sometimes after my daughter eats she just wants to snuggle into my chest and go back to sleep. These mini naps only last a few more minutes, but as I hold her and look at her beautiful face I see complete happiness and contentment. She is so comfortable in her mamas arms. Of course she is! Hugs from my mom are the most loving and healing hugs I could ever get. You don't grow out of needing mom hugs. 

As I stare at my baby girl I am overwhelmed and at the same time at complete peace at the fact that I am her mother. She will forever love and need MY hugs. I will always be a safe place to her. And that's pretty awesome. 

3 months

Loves 

When you get up close to her face and talk. She chats right back 

Warm baths 

Laying on the floor and wiggling her body 

To sleep at night! 

Getting her diaper changed 

Doesn't love

Lotion after bath 

Having to wait when I have to get her more food 

Napping on the go 

Random tidbits 

-Sleeps 8-10 hours every night

-Talks/grunts/sighs the whole time she is awake 

-I still don't think she has discovered her hands yet. Apparently that was supposed to happen by now...

-And no sign that she will be rolling over anytime soon

-I've been keeping track of her "Wonder Weeks" but she doesn't really get fussy when they say to expect it. (Freaking books! Do they apply to ANYONE's child??)

-Awesome head control and likes to be pulled up to sitting position 

-Starting to use her binki and baby chair less and less

-Still fits into her 0-3 month clothes and can wear 3-6 month onsies (but not the pants-she's all torso, just like her mommy)

Things on mama's mind:

Is it time to stop swaddling her at night? I'm afraid to try because I REALLY like how nights are currently going-

Her skull is still a weird shape from being breech...should she get a helmet? 

Her naps are still unpredictable, but she is happy and sleeping great at night so I'm not too concerned 

Ok...the extra belly fat (on me!) is starting to get on my nerves. 

LOVE having Bart home 

This past month has been a BLAST for me. I have loved every minute that she is awake. I've stressed less about the small things and am trying to just enjoy the moment. 

2 cents: the Me in Mommy

** I started writing this post a few weeks ago (last week?) when Gisel was actually making headlines..**

Gisel Bundchen is making headlines for saying she puts herself first before her kids. She said it's like what they tell you on the plane: put your oxygen mask on first before you put it on your child

Amen sexy sista. Why do women get so upset when a model talks about being a mom, but an angsty blogger can go on and on about her opinions on motherhood (and breastfeeding and discipline and....) and people approve? 

Just because she has a better body and more help and tons of money doesn't make her less of a mom. Since having a baby of my own I have reached a whole new level of non-judgement. We were at Stake Conference a few weeks ago and a family walks in. Their 8ish year old son brought his blanket. Bart leans over and says the typical "we aren't going to let our kids that old bring blankets to church". 4 months ago I would have nodded my head in agreement, thinking parenting is all about setting boundaries and rules and making your kids follow them. HA! Then I had a child and I realized parenting is just about staying the freak alive. If bringing a blanket to church saved that mama of 4 some energy and made her morning earlier, than good for her.

During those first several weeks of Mckenzie's life I did several things that were for me (and my extension for her). I put her on somewhat of a schedule because it gave me piece of mind. I had her sleep in her own room when she was just a few weeks old because I slept better that way. I gave her a binki whenever the hell she wanted because it made my job easier. Am I proud of that? YES. The fact that I was able to find ways to make our days go a little easier might sound selfish, but I'm not ashamed of admitting that I put myself first. Because I realized that unless I took care of myself, I couldn't give 100% to the angel God had given me.

So go ahead Gisel, admit that there should be a capital ME is Mommy...I totally agree

Hi baby: I love you

Hi there sweet baby,

I had the day off work today since our babysitter went out of town. You get two full days of DADDY the rest of the week. I'm assuming you'll survive.....

So after nap time I put you on the floor to play. I love seeing your little body move a little differently each day. You use to move your chubby legs tenatively, not totally confident in yourself. Now you kick and squirm with a purpose. I can tell that you are experiencing and learning from each and every move you choose to take. You move your arms and legs and different rates and different angles, realizing your body is your own. I love it. 

I gave you my puppy today. My favorite stuffed animal is now yours, and you seemed to like it just as much as I did. The fact that I can pass down my old toys to you is pretty great. I never gave this puppy a name, maybe you will name it?

The more I am with you the more amazed I am by you. How did I get so lucky to have such an angel for a baby? You are seriously so easy, so happy, so fun and so adorable. I know most babies aren't like you, and I'm going to enjoy being spoiled by your sweet nature. 

So this is pretty much a sappy love letter because that's how I'm feeling lately: So totally and completely in love with you. 

Xoxo

Mom 

4 miles of emotion

I went running tonight 

The first mile was filled with anger and frustration. I knew my anger wasn't anyone's fault but my own and I didn't want to take it out on my family. So I laced on my sneaks and ran out the door. I mumbled under my breath and swore and took all my anger out on the wind. 

The second mile was spent letting go of my stress and frustration. My anger turned to sadness and I wondered what life was supposed to look like and what more I should be doing. Still running against the wind, I let my body take me further and further away from my problems. 

The third mile I decided to turn around and head back home. Most negative feelings were gone and now I was focused more on my physical state instead of my emotional one. I just kept running, my mind finally clear. 

The fourth and final mile was filled with gratitude and pride. The wind was now helping me push up that last hill and my body allowed me to go the distance I had chosen. My anger was gone, my frustration soothed and my sadness put away for now. 

I ended my run with a little prayer of thanks and help as I stepped back inside my home - a much better version of myself. 

Easy taco (ish) soup

True or false: add green enchilada sauce to anything and it will be good.

TRUE!! 

Some of our favorite recipes include enchilada sauce and it's such a good addition to soup! I threw this together last night and it was pretty dang good (and so easy!)

1lb browned ground beef

1can corn 

1can black beans

1can pinto (or white) beans 

1can green chilies 

1can green enchilada sauce 

14oz beef broth 

Combine all ingredients in large pot. Bring to boil and simmer 15-20 minutes. You can also just add everything in a crockpot and cook on low 4-6 hours

Eat with tortilla chips (or not)

I am all for simple and easy recipes and this one tops the list!  

The 3 blog posts I just really really hate

The last several weeks I've had a lot of "spare time" aka I don't want to clean my house AGAIN but the baby is sleeping but not long enough for me to actually sleep spare time

So I've been reading lots of blogs because it kinda (not really) helps with my loneliness and it totally makes me think maybe one day I could be a funny cool writer of things that other lonely moms/women/people would want to read. 

So after reading 93756 blog posts I have acquired a love/hate relationship. 

First...

The recipe post

I really hate it when food bloggers put a photo (or 2 or 12) up after every.single.step.  seriously??? We all know what sugar, eggs and vanilla looks like in a bowl before it's mixed. No, I don't need to see how to grease your 9x13 baking dish or what your oven looks like turned on. If you're making cookies, just give me the damn recipe and a finished product picture so I don't have to thumb scroll for a solid 30 seconds before reaching the end. That's all I need. 

Next thing- 

Fashion posts

Fashion bloggers. I really just don't understand it. I don't understand the blogger or the bloggee who reads those posts. On one side you have a chick who takes 9375 pictures of herself in exactly 4 different poses with her outfit of the day that she got for free and that NO ONE (unless you also got it for free) can afford and then links readers to where they can find "similar" looks online and then you click on that link and BAM either its $400 or a totally ugly version of what she is actually wearing. And the people who like these posts? I would guess 97% of them are fashion bloggers themselves and are just scoping out the web to see if there has been a new pose created (there hasn't) 

Fashion blogger poses:

1. Hand on neck laughing up into the sky

2. Hand on hip, face looking down toward other hand/foot

3. Super close up of wrist (to show off bling of course)

4. Random laughing (did someone just tell you a joke?)

5. Hands clasped together like your praying with face looking away from the camera

And finally....

The Giveaway

Stop trying to sell me stupid shit. No I don't want to follow you and 30 other fashion bloggers on Instagram, Facebook AND Twitter just to enter. 

So that's it.... Just a few things about the blogosphere. You're welcome. 

Throwback Thursday: Funny &%$# Bart Says

These posts are always a fan favorite. Too bad Bart has stopped saying funny things. Here's a throwback to October 2012 when Bart was still funny :)

More S%$@ Bart Says

B- It's so hot in this house
M- No it's not.
B- Well Megan, you don't have to sit by you so you wouldn't understand

B- What, I have to watch a freakin infomercial on Ryan Lotche instead of sand volleyball?

M- Why do I even open my mouth?
B- I don't know, you know I don't listen.

M- Kristen Stweart cheated on Robert Pattinson and it's really sad..
B- ....Was it with Jacob?

B- The problem is you're comparing Grey's Anatomy to football.

B- (Playing -and losing- the science games at the State Fair) I feel like I used to play these games in High School and win...Am I just too intelligent now?

B- My boy is going to have huge cheeks. People are going to ask, "Hey, did your son get stung by a bee?" and I'm like "no, that's just his face" 

B- My name is Bart, I have great calves, and I'm a Mormon

UEA daddy weekend

It's official...I think I love UEA weekend more than Christmas!! A break from school AND football meant 4 days of Bart!! We had such a good time hanging out as a family, it was something this mama and wife desperately needed. It helped me realize what "real life" is actually going to look like with a child, not the lonely reality that has been my life during football season. 

On Thursday we kicked off family time with a run! Bart and I have been running buddies since the very beginning and it was great to run with him again. 2014 was pretty much a no-run year for me unfortunately and Bart missed me :) I'm excited to get back into the habit with him again (plus he pushes the stroller...so that's a major bonus)

Macs got all bundled up and joined us....she loves it

Friday morning we were in no rush to get things done. After Macs' afternoon nap we headed to the pumpkin patch! There are so many local patches around South Jordan. It was so fun picking out pumpkins and bringing Mckenzie outside. We try to get out every day, but there is something different about NOT being in the stroller that makes things even more interesting 

I bought Macs her first jacket...how freakin' cute is a bundled up baby?? p.s. Bart loves being a daddy

There's nothing better than seeing these two together. It melts my mama heart

Once the babe went down for the night Bart and I got to carving. Every year we carve pumpkins. Every year my pumpkin takes me maybe 15 minutes to complete. Every year Bart spends over an hour on his. This year I carved TWO pumpkins in less than 30 minutes and Bart created his masterpiece for 2 hours. If that doesn't show our personalities perfectly I don't know what will!

Bart handles the manly part....cutting off the tops!

Sipping on Raspberry Cheesecake Hot Cocoa. It's amazeballs

Saturday morning we woke up at headed to the Haunted 5K in Salt Lake. We did this race 2 years ago and this was my first race since last Halloween! I was pretty pumped. There is something about a race, even a 5K, that makes running a bit more fun. I bought Mckenzie a costume. I thought it was a cow...but apparently it was a puppy. Either way she looked pretty freakin' cute.

 

 

 

 

 

After the race we were hanging out, waiting for friends to finish and decided to change Mckenzie's diaper before she fell asleep for her nap. It's a good thing we did because this cute puppy had a complete blow out and had poop all over her legs and up her back. How lovely. Who has two thumbs and didn't bring her daughter a change of clothes? Mom of the Year right here. Luckily it was a really nice October day and not freezing so I was able to wrap her up in a burp cloth until we got home. Ahhh babies.

She didn't seem too concerned with her outfit

Later on Saturday after naps and showers (I taught Bart how to bathe the baby...he didn't love it) we got ready for the Aggie game! We bought this Aggie onesie up in Logan last year as our first baby purchase. It's a newborn size but still fits!

The best looking Aggie fans I know....

Our weekend ended on Sunday with church, naps and my BFF coming to visit.

Just call me the sleep fairy....or something

Did I mention how great this weekend was for me? Because it was. I LOVED having Bart around. It wasn't just nice to have extra hands to help with the babe, but I just missed my friend and we were able to joke and laugh and have fun- helping me realize life hasn't COMPLETELY changed.

(p.s. this is the last week of football so I'll be doing another happy dance in just a few days)

Two thousand hours

2,016

That's how many hours I got to spend with my baby girl before going back to work 

12 weeks...84 days..... 24 hours a day. 

I know I know, technically she slept through most of those hours, and my mom watched her for a few of those hours...but you get the point.

I always knew I would be going back to work. I wanted to go back to work. Student loans make it so I have to go back to work. I am happy to go back and I have been looking forward to it since week 4. A lot of things I did early on was because I knew eventually I would have to go back to work. I was obsessed with getting Mckenzie on a schedule and sleeping through the night because I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK! If I had to do it over again (which, let's be honest, I wouldn't wish those first several weeks on anyone) I would have cooled my jets a little bit and not worry so much about what happens when I go back to work.

So here we are with our last week together before mommy starts working again. It really hit me about a week and half ago that all of our lazy mornings and jammie days were coming to an end. I forgot about creating "bad habits" and sticking to a schedule and I have just enjoyed my baby. We cuddle for a little longer in the mornings and some days I don't even put on a bra.

As much as I'm looking forward to returning to work, I know it's going to be hard. Mckenzie is so freakin' happy in the mornings! She smiles up at me and doesn't stop until it's time for a nap. I am stressed about what our days are going to look like, but I'm trying not to focus on that this last week. Everything just seems to work out on its own so far, and I know this won't be any different. At the beginning of the month I was convinced I wouldn't survive my first week back if I didn't start getting more sleep. A few days later she started sleeping at least 7 hours and the last several nights she has slept 8-9 hours!

I know it won't be easy, and I know I will miss my baby, but going back to work is a decision I made on my own and I'm excited to get back into the routine called Life.

Hi baby: heaven and hell

Hello my angel baby

I just put you to sleep and you went right down. Your wet slobbery "kiss" is still on my cheek and your drool is still on my shirt. The last few weeks we have been putting you to bed early- between 7 and 8pm and you sleep 7-8 hours, wake up for 10 minutes to eat and then sleep 3ish more. It's amazing and it means daddy and I have been getting more sleep. It also means I am not awake for long periods of time in the middle of the night, so my blog posts have been lacking. 

I am thoroughly enjoying our time together these days. To be honest those first 6-7 weeks were heaven and hell all in one and most days hell seemed to beat out heaven.

 I wasn't happy. I loved you SO much. But there wasn't happiness in my heart. I was exhausted. So beyond tired it's like nothing I can describe. My mind was never fully turned on during the day because I was past the point of functioning. Sure I learned to live with it and I think most people didn't notice. 

Call it exhaustion, call it post-partum depression or the baby blues, whatever name we give it I want you to know it was never about you. Your sweet face was the only thing that could really make me smile. I didn't miss my old life, I didn't hate my body or wonder if we made a mistake. I didn't wish I could go back to last year. I was glad you were here and I thanked God every night for giving you to me and trusting me with this amazing person. 

And even though I loved you, I was almost too tired to love you even more. I was too tired to want to cuddle with you. Luckily you were a great napper because even though I didn't sleep, I needed that mental break. 

And then something crazy happened. You started smiling at me...and "talking" to me. You loved me too! We just sat in that rocking chair and talked for almost an hour and I fell in love with you all over again. 

You started sleeping 6-8 hours which means I was sleeping more than 4 (usually 6). I can't tell you what regular sleep has done to my poor brain. I have energy enough to actually function.

It came at the best time too because now you are awake and want to play and I have the energy and desire to play back. I love laying on the floor with you and giving you my undecided attention. 

My mom says we have bonded. That this is what bonding with your baby feels like. Do I wish I could have bonded with you sooner? Of course. But that's not the reality. I was too tired to bond. I was too sad and depressed to bond. But guess what? None of that matters because the bond is there now and it only gets stronger every day. 

I love watching you and cuddling with you and talking to you. I love loving you baby girl and I love that you love me back. 

So thanks for letting me squish your cheeks and kiss your face and be goofy during tummy time. Thanks for needing me and loving me- even when I couldn't feel much of anything. Thanks for helping me through the hardest two months of my life. Thanks for being my angel baby. I love you

Xoxo

Mom